Mad Libs!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Easy and fun for all. Just go here and input your words. Then post results here for your fellow Dopers’ amusement!

Joe and Misty
by William Shakespeare

Enter Joe

Misty appears above at a window

Joe:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the television, and Misty is the platypus.
Arise, vague platypus, and yodel the gurgling booger.
See, how she leans her eyebrow upon her elbow!
O, that I were a glove upon that elbow,
That I might touch that eyebrow!

Misty:
O Joe, Joe! wherefore art thou Joe?
What’s in a name? That which we call a kneecap
By any other name would smell as purplish
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say “like a pair of lost library books with massive overdue fines”
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove amusing.

Joe:
Lady, by yonder gurgling booger I swear
That tips in the shower the omnisexual stove–

Misty:
O, swear not by the booger, the intelligent booger,
That comedically changes in its mesmerizing orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise mesmerizing.
Sweet, flimsy night! A thousand times flimsy night!
Parting is such fickle sorrow,
That I shall say flimsy night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Joe:
Sleep dwell upon thine eyebrow, peace in thine elbow!
Would I were sleep and peace, so lethargically to rest!
loftily will I to my vague kneecap’s cell,
Its help to yodel, and my purplish kneecap to tell.

2

Clearly you don’t grasp the essential rules of Mad Libs. I see no “poop”, no “fart”…

3

The Battle For The Antacid Tablet

In my pants, Homer strangled his antacid tablet. He had been busy with the antacid tablet for hours and now wanted nothing more than a potatoey cuddle or a stained massage from his lover Leela.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his big Leela appeared at the door, grinning frankly.

“Put down the antacid tablet,” Leela said obviously. “Unless you want me to strangle that antacid tablet on your elbow.”

Homer put down the antacid tablet. He was fat. He had never seen Leela so loud before and it made him leathered.

Leela picked up the antacid tablet, then withdrew a job from her vein. “Don’t be so fat,” Leela said with a loud grimace. “A Armadillo bit my toenail this morning, and everything became glowing. Now with this antacid tablet and this job I can obviously rule the world!”

Homer clutched his stinky toenail uproariously. This was his lover, his big Leela, now staring at him with a loud vein.

“Fight it!” Homer shouted. “The Armadillo just wants the antacid tablet for his own big devices! He doesn’t love you, not the potatoey way I do!”

Homer could see Leela trembling uproariously. Homer reached out his elbow and touched Leela’s vein obviously. He was big, so big, but he knew only his stinky love for Leela would break the Armadillo’s spell.

Sure enough, Leela dropped the antacid tablet with a thunk. “Oh, Homer,” she squealed. “I’m so potatoey, can you ever forgive me?”

But Homer had already moved in my pants. Like an oreo soaked in acid and run over by an Abrams tank., he pressed his elbow into Leela’s vein. And as they fell together in a glowing fit of love, the antacid tablet lay on the floor, leathered and forgotten.

4

“Arise vague platypus, and yodel the gurgling booger” is waaay better than “poop” or “fart”, dontcha think? I did make a bunch of naughty ones, but I’m trying to keep this SFW, at least for now.

5

Mal and Inara
by William Shakespeare

Enter Mal

Inara appears above at a window

Mal:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the improbability drive, and Inara is the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Arise, Gorram Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, and shoot the froody Remington full-bore Autolock.
See, how she leans her duodnem upon her appendix!
O, that I were a glove upon that appendix,
That I might touch that duodnem!

Inara:
O Mal, Mal! wherefore art thou Mal?
What’s in a name? That which we call a brain
By any other name would smell as frelled
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say “it hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t”
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove dead.

Mal:
Lady, by yonder froody Remington full-bore Autolock I swear
That tips frozen in Carbonite the possessed Firefly-class transport–

Inara:
O, swear not by the Remington full-bore Autolock, the hidden Remington full-bore Autolock,
That invisibly changes in its Shiny orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise Shiny.
Sweet, hezmana night! A thousand times hezmana night!
Parting is such fahrbot sorrow,
That I shall say hezmana night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Mal:
Sleep dwell upon thy duodnem, peace in thine appendix!
Would I were sleep and peace, so improbably to rest!
slimily will I to my Gorram brain’s cell,
Its help to shoot, and my frelled brain to tell.
'm Dreaming Of A Fahrbot Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Mal sat slimily frozen in Carbonite, sipping Gorram eggnog.

He looked at the Shiny Remington full-bore Autolock hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Inara had hung it there, just before they looked at each other improbably and then fell into each other’s arms and shot each other’s duodnem.

If only I hadn’t been so frelled, Mal thought, pouring a froody amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Inara might not have got so hidden and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a dead tear and held his brain in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a hezmana voice lifted invisibly up in song.
I’m dreaming of a fahrbot Christmas

Just it hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t
Mal ran to the door. It was Inara, looking possessed all over with snow.

“I missed you sleepily,” Inara said. “And I wanted to shoot your duodnem again.”

Mal hugged Inara and started to sob.

“I think you’re drunk,” Inara said.

“I think so too,” Mal said and they shot each other’s duodnem until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal appendix and lived comatose until Mal got drunk again.
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast Of Traal Princess

Mal was walking through a Gorram meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a Shiny little Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal lying under a tree.

Mal skipped over to see the dear thing and was possessed to find that she was hurt! An improbability drive had pierced her frelled little duodnem and she whimpered improbably with the pain.

“My fahrbot little friend,” Mal said. “Let me help you!” He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the improbability drive, as slimily as he could. The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal cried out and Mal’s heart ached, it hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t. “You’ll be all right,” Mal whispered. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll call you Inara and you can live with me forever!”

Scooping Inara up in his arms, Mal carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Mal nursed Inara, cleaning her duodnem and feeding her Remington full-bore Autolock-brand Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal chow.

On the eighth night, Inara climbed into bed with Mal. She burrowed under the covers and comatose shot Mal’s appendix. It made Mal giggle and he cuddled close to Inara, stroking her brain and singing sleepily to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Mal hurried home so he could curl up with Inara. It gave him a froody feeling whenever Inara shot his appendix.

Then one night, Inara looked up at Mal and said, “If you kiss me, I will become a hezmana princess.”

Mal screamed invisibly, he was so surprised. How could a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

“You’re not dreaming,” Inara said. “Kiss me.”

“Don’t tell anyone I screamed like that,” Mal said and kissed Inara on her brain. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a hezmana princess! With a crown and everything!

“I’m Princess Inara,” she said. “I was cursed. It’s a long story.”

“Is it really you?” Mal said.

“See?” Inara said and showed Mal the scar from the improbability drive on her duodnem. Then she kissed Mal and they tumbled frozen in Carbonite and did a lot of very hidden things, some of them involving a dead Firefly-class transport.

“I love you,” Inara said when they were done. Mal clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Inara had stashed away.

And if Inara didn’t know about Mal’s visits to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal sanctuary, well, it wouldn’t hurt her.

6

A Bottlecap In Time

On a wobbly and lazy morning, Juana sat under a no-loitering sign. It was Valentine’s Day and she was all alone. Her thumb ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Cletus to love someone with a luscious gluteal cleft?

Deliciously, she began to recite a poem she had composed. “Ah, my love is like an other-wordly glowing pumpkin, all on a summer’s day. I wish my Cletus would shoot me, in his own grumpy way…”

“Do you?” Cletus sat down beside Juana and put his hand on Juana’s toenail. “I think that could be arranged.”

Juana gasped pointedly. “But what about my luscious gluteal cleft?”

“I like it,” Cletus said lovingly. “I think it’s lice-filled.”

They came together and their kiss was like a midget trying to reach for a star.

“I love you,” Juana said dorkily.

“I love you too,” Cletus replied and shot her.

They bought a kitten, moved in together, and lived hastily ever after.

7

This one’s even better!

The Adventure Of The Kitten

Juana and Cletus were out for a skanky Valentine’s walk under a no-loitering sign. As they went, Cletus rested his hand on Juana’s gluteal cleft. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so lice-filled, Juana was filled with other-wordly dread.

“Do you suppose it’s luscious here?” she asked lovingly.

“You glowing silly,” Cletus said, tickling Juana with his bottlecap. “It’s completely stabby.”

Just then, a grumpy kitten leapt out from behind a pumpkin and shot Cletus in the thumb. “Aaargh!” Cletus screamed.

Things looked lazy. But Juana, although she was wobbly, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a mailbox and, like a midget trying to reach for a star, beat the kitten pointedly until it ran off. “That will teach you to shoot innocent people.”

Then she clasped Cletus close. Cletus was bleeding hastily. “My darling,” Juana said, and pressed her lips to Cletus’s toenail.

“I love you,” Cletus said deliciously, and expired in Juana’s arms.

Juana never loved again.

8

Another amusing one…

Invisibly Tripping

Mal tripped along sleepily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Inara, for Valentine’s Day. He smiled to see a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal hopping along, carrying a Firefly-class transport in its mouth.

Mal was almost frozen in Carbonite when he came across a dead cake, lying alone on a frelled plate. “That must be a treat from my hezmana bear,” he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked froody, so he ate it.

It gave him the most Gorram tingling sensation in his appendix. “How unusual!” he said and continued tripping to see Inara.

When Inara came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

“What is it?” Mal cried comatose.

“Your duodnem! And your brain!” Inara said. “They’re fahrbot! Can’t you feel it?”

Mal felt his duodnem and his brain. They were indeed quite fahrbot. “Oh, no!” Mal said. “I’m a woman!” He, or rather, she started to cry. “It must have been that dead cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?”

“I didn’t leave you any cake,” Inara said. “I got you an improbability drive. It must have been that possessed man who lives nearby. He acts a little improbably, ever since he shot a Remington full-bore Autolock.”

“But how can you ever love me, now that I’m a woman?” Mal sobbed.

“Well, I never knew how to tell you this,” Inara said slimily, “but I actually prefer women. And I think your duodnem is really Shiny like that.”

“Really?” Mal dried her tears. Mal kissed Inara and it was an entirely hidden sensation, it hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t.

They spent the night having entirely hidden sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

9

The Battle For The Handcuff

Up the hill, Melvin flung his handcuff. He had been busy with the handcuff for hours and now wanted nothing more than a glistening cuddle or a freaky massage from his lover Dirk.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his grinchy Dirk appeared at the door, grinning perversely.

“Put down the handcuff,” Dirk said frankly. “Unless you want me to fling that handcuff on your cooter.”

Melvin put down the handcuff. He was omniscient. He had never seen Dirk so pink before and it made him moxious.

Dirk picked up the handcuff, then withdrew a propane heater from his nipple. “Don’t be so omniscient,” Dirk said with a pink grimace. “A wallaby bit my nostril this morning, and everything became effervescent. Now with this handcuff and this propane heater I can frankly rule the world!”

Melvin clutched his gooky nostril huffily. This was his lover, his grinchy Dirk, now staring at him with a pink nipple.

“Fight it!” Melvin shouted. “The wallaby just wants the handcuff for his own grinchy devices! He doesn’t love you, not the glistening way I do!”

Melvin could see Dirk trembling huffily. Melvin reached out his cooter and touched Dirk’s nipple frankly. He was grinchy, so grinchy, but he knew only his gooky love for Dirk would break the wallaby’s spell.

Sure enough, Dirk dropped the handcuff with a thunk. “Oh, Melvin,” he squealed. “I’m so glistening, can you ever forgive me?”

But Melvin had already moved up the hill. Like an angry rabbit spraying his discontent and urine all over the furniture., he pressed his cooter into Dirk’s nipple. And as they fell together in an effervescent fit of love, the handcuff lay on the floor, moxious and forgotten.

            Whew.  I think I need a cigarette.
10

The Miracle Of The Roach

Cecil hated Christmas. He didn’t just dislike Christmas, he hated it like cherry kosher wine mixed with a hefty dose of saccharine. He loathed it.

Every December, Cecil would feel himself getting all spiteful inside. He refused to put up a Christmas cough medicine, he snapped at anyone intense enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Cecil had to go to the mall to buy a mountainous Spam. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing argumentatively around and so much Christmas music blaring sadly, he thought his arm would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an ignorant man collecting for charity. Cecil never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the ignorant man dropped his bells and ran in St. Peter’s bascilica. There was a brass roach right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the ignorant man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Cecil rushed out and joyfully pushed them both out of the way. There was a suave bang and then everything went dark.

When Cecil woke up, he was in a fiesty room. There was a Christmas cough medicine in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cecil’s uvula hurt. A lot.

The ignorant man came into the room. “I’m so shiny!” he said. “You’re awake. My name is Ed Zotti. You saved me from the truck. But your uvula is broken.”

Cecil hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas cough medicine up and his uvula was broken, he felt quite sharp, especially when he looked at Ed Zotti.

“Your uvula must hurt dreamily,” Ed Zotti said. “I think this will help.” And he granted Cecil several times.

Now Cecil felt very sharp indeed. He didn’t hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Ed Zotti. “I love you,” he said, and kissed Ed Zotti forcefully.

“I love you too,” said Ed Zotti. Just then, the roach ran into the room and nuzzled Cecil’s elbow. “I brought him home with us,” Ed Zotti said.

“We’ll call him Miracle,” Cecil said. “Our Christmas Miracle.”

It was the best Christmas ever.

11

The Adventure Of The Squid

Tarzan and Jane were out for a knobby Valentine’s walk by an open sewer. As they went, Jane rested her hand on Tarzan’s hair follicle. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so unacceptable, Tarzan was filled with smarmy dread.

“Do you suppose it’s leafy here?” he asked wisely.

“You fascinating silly,” Jane said, tickling Tarzan with her goat. “It’s completely leaky.”

Just then, a howling squid leapt out from behind a blimp and Rickrolled Jane in the appendix. “Aaargh!” Jane screamed.

Things looked hilarious. But Tarzan, although he was wafer thin, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a raving lunatic and, like a voodoo priest casting a zombie curse, beat the squid rudely until it ran off. “That will teach you to lick innocent people.”

Then he clasped Jane close. Jane was bleeding hurriedly. “My darling,” Tarzan said, and pressed his lips to Jane’s nose wart.

“I love you,” Jane said clumsily, and expired in Tarzan’s arms.

Tarzan never loved again.

12

This stuff sounds like the crap that spammers put in their messages to pad them. And yes I am well acquainted with Mad Libs, and my original statement stands. :smiley:

13

Brilliant Lang Syne

the Doctor sipped dangerously at his drink and stood brilliant behind a psychic paper. He wasn’t sure why he had come to this New Year’s Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel brilliant and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how impossible his throat got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, the Doctor knew very well why he was at the party: to see Rose.

Ah, Rose. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her impossible tongue made the Doctor’s heart beat like the fury of the last Time Lord; cold, intense and unlike anything seen on this world…

But tonight everyone was masked. the Doctor peered loudly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Rose. There, he thought, the woman over by the sonic screwdriver, the impossible one with the Dalek mask. It had to be Rose. No one else could look so quantum, even in a Dalek mask.

She began to walk the Doctor’s way and the Doctor started to panic. What if she actually talked to the Doctor?

Rose came right up to the Doctor and the Doctor thought that he was going to faint.

“Hello,” Rose said eerily. “What are you doing over here all alone?”

“Oh, just looking at the TARDIS,” the Doctor said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so impossible.

Just then, a brilliant voice began to count down. “Ten … nine … eight … seven …”

the Doctor’s heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Rose might …

“Happy New Year!”

Rose swept the Doctor into her arms, bent him in the Medusa Cascade, and kissed the Doctor softly, slipping him the tongue and groping his eye.

the Doctor could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out swiftly and pulled Rose’s mask off her face. It was Rose! “I knew it was you,” the Doctor said and took his own mask off.

“And it’s … you,” Rose said. “You know, I’m just going to go get some punch.”

the Doctor watched her go. She would be right back, the Doctor was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

sniff That is so beautiful!

14

Hooray AllWalker! I did a few Doctor Who ones myself. (In one of them, the Doctor trips and falls do, bruising his grrreat hair. I thought that was pretty funny.)

Glad to see a few more stories trickling in. Maybe the rest of the Dope will get caught up in the enthusiasm eventually. :smiley:

15

Ah, freek, I did think of you when writing mine.

I did not think of great hair, though. That works as a bodypart far better than my offerings. I know, I know, shame on me.

You didn’t happen to save any of yours, did you?

16

A Green Day To Defenestrate

Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon stepped askance out into the fickle sunshine, and admired Crazy Miko’s dorsal fin. “Ah,” he sighed, “That’s an enormous sight.”

Crazy Miko climbed off the quincunx and walked zealously across the grass to greet her lover. Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon patted Crazy Miko on the gizzard and then tried to defenestrate her dimwittedly, but without success.

“That’s all right,” Crazy Miko said. “We can try again later.”

“I’m just not bird-like,” Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon. “Not as bird-like as the time we defenestrated in a void.”

Crazy Miko nodded condescendingly. “We were nonsensical back in those days.”

“Our third eyes were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them,” Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon said. “Everything seems flippant and humorous when you’re young.”

“Of course,” Crazy Miko said. “But now we’re excrutiating, we can still have fun. If we go about it waspishly.”

“Waspishly?” Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon said . “But how?”

“With this,” Crazy Miko said and held out a blasphemous mackeral. “Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you’ll be ready to defenestrate.”

Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon swallowed the mackeral at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to defenestrate waspishly. They defenestrated like a rabbit who decided it was just gonna take too damn long to eat all that lettuce and decided to just ruin the farmer’s crops by using enough C4 to make a crater the size of Idaho… Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

MKII
The Battle For The Mackeral

In a void, Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon defenestrated his mackeral. He had been busy with the mackeral for hours and now wanted nothing more than a blasphemous cuddle or a green massage from his lover Crazy Miko.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his humorous Crazy Miko appeared at the door, grinning askance.

“Put down the mackeral,” Crazy Miko said condescendingly. “Unless you want me to defenestrate that mackeral on your dorsal fin.”

Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon put down the mackeral. He was fickle. He had never seen Crazy Miko so flippant before and it made him nonsensical.

Crazy Miko picked up the mackeral, then withdrew a nymph from her third eye. “Don’t be so fickle,” Crazy Miko said with a flippant grimace. “A hippocampus bit my gizzard this morning, and everything became excrutiating. Now with this mackeral and this nymph I can condescendingly rule the world!”

Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon clutched his enormous gizzard waspishly. This was his lover, his humorous Crazy Miko, now staring at him with a flippant third eye.

“Fight it!” Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon shouted. “The hippocampus just wants the mackeral for his own humorous devices! He doesn’t love you, not the blasphemous way I do!”

Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon could see Crazy Miko trembling waspishly. Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon reached out his dorsal fin and touched Crazy Miko’s third eye condescendingly. He was humorous, so humorous, but he knew only his enormous love for Crazy Miko would break the hippocampus’s spell.

Sure enough, Crazy Miko dropped the mackeral with a thunk. “Oh, Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon,” she squealed. “I’m so blasphemous, can you ever forgive me?”

But Beo’thilarenos’ezoth’amon had already moved in a void. Like a rabbit who decided it was just gonna take too damn long to eat all that lettuce and decided to just ruin the farmer’s crops by using enough C4 to make a crater the size of Idaho., he pressed his dorsal fin into Crazy Miko’s third eye. And as they fell together in an excrutiating fit of love, the mackeral lay on the floor, nonsensical and forgotten.

17

There’s clearly something wrong with me…

An Oblong Day To Dissolve

Squiggy stepped erotically out into the purple sunshine, and admired The dog’s earlobe. “Ah,” he sighed, “That’s a radioactive sight.”

The dog climbed off the nun and walked wetly across the grass to greet her lover. Squiggy patted The dog on the nose and then tried to dissolve her literally, but without success.

“That’s all right,” The dog said. “We can try again later.”

“I’m just not disgusting,” Squiggy. “Not as disgusting as the time we dissolved on top of Jackie Gleason’s naked corpse.”

The dog nodded explosively. “We were furry back in those days.”

“Our spleens were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them,” Squiggy said. “Everything seems crumbling and aroused when you’re young.”

“Of course,” The dog said. “But now we’re sensuous, we can still have fun. If we go about it in a manner not unlike a Mexican apple picker.”

“In a manner not unlike a Mexican apple picker?” Squiggy said . “But how?”

“With this,” The dog said and held out a taut tuba. “Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you’ll be ready to dissolve.”

Squiggy swallowed the tuba at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to dissolve in a manner not unlike a Mexican apple picker. They dissolved as if the whole wide world were made of unicorns covered in glitter and drizzled in butterscotch. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

18

Gyrate, you owe me a new keyboard, monitor, and bottle of Starbucks vanilla frappuccino. hat was hilarious!! (Clearly an indicator that something is wrong with me as well.)

This is for you, AllWalker:

Glowing Love

The Doctor finished packing. Ever since Rose, his own true love, had been lost at sea, The Doctor had been wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing ran him, all was tragic. So today, Valentine’s Day, he was going throughout space and time to become an unstoppable time vortex.

Just then, there was a clever knock at the door. The Doctor opened it and stood there brilliantly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his grrrreat hair.

When The Doctor came to, Rose was holding his right hand and looking brilliant. “My love,” Rose said cheekily, “I’m sorry for the fantastic shock. I’ve been shipwrecked on a Gallifreyan island for the last ten years, living like the last of the Time Lords. I was only rescued last week.” She paused. “I lost my eyebrow in the wreck. Can you still love me?”

The Doctor could hardly believe his Rose had returned. “I will always love you, eyebrow or no eyebrow. Besides, you can cover it up with a sonic screwdriver.”

They embraced cleverly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was alien.