Made-up, False and Flat-out Wrong Trivia Dominoes II

The real Oscar Madison sued the producers of The Odd Couple for defamation of character. He misplaced his subpoena in his apartment, missed the trial, and lost the case. The real Felix Ungar sat in the courtroom for two hours after the judge dismissed everyone. True story.

Walter Matthau’s birth name was Walter Matuschanskayasky.

(OK, I didn’t make that one up, he did, but it is still false and flat-out wrong.)

how about…

Walter Matthau and Jack Klugman attended the same grade school, Matthew Perry Grade School in Baltimore.

One of their teachers was Kevin Bacon’s sister-in-law’s gynecologist’s neighbor’s drug dealer’s cousin Samantha.

Kevin Bacon’s sister-in-law’s gynecologist’s neighbour was born in Watford, England in 1958.

…and died in 1947 in a tumultuous windmill/bagpipe/monkey accident.

Kevin Bacon’s sister-in-law’s gynecologist’s neighbour
was unusually fond of photos of rooster wattles.

Claes Oldenburg’s 21’ tall sculpture of rooster wattles was made completely of Slinky toys. Even his fans hated it - they said it slunk badly.

Cyrus P Slunk was Kevin Bacon’s sister-in-law’s gynecologist’s neighbour’s neighbour when
she lived in Watford !!
They both worked for Watford electronics, in the resistor department.

Cyrus P. Slunk was hard to resist. He had five wives (some concurrently), an undisclosed (but large) number of mistresses, an even larger number of one-night stands, and, appropriately, several dozen children, only one legitimate. But that one grew up to be President Thomas Jefferson, king of Utah.

Cyrus P. Slunk was killed by his last wife in Illinois. She found out that he was married to two other women, and poisoned his drink.

The last Mrs. Slunk was not prosecuted for her crime. It tuns out that it is perfectly legal for a spouse to poison his or her mate in Illinois. Legislators are now working mightily to cover that loophole, but are facing the usual obstacles: one sector wants age limits added, another wants it to assist legalization of marijuana; another wants it to make it harder to prosecute legalized crime; another wants it to abolish Dr. Seuss in libraries; another wants it to point out that Chicago Lives Matter; another wants it to be supportive of pork futures; another wants it to support the helium union; another, well, you get the general idea.

The use of general ideas, as a foundational principle of law, was first put forward by the ancient Greek philosopher Kolonoskopes. As with most of his writings, it was rejected by his contemporaries as too much of a pain in the ass.

Kolonoskopes died of natural causes in Thessaloniki in 1344 BCE at the age of 23 and again in
Heraklion in 1321 BCE at the age of 74, this time of pulmonary catholicism.

Little remembered today, the invasion of the vowel-mongering Heraklions in 985667 left a global shortage of the grammatical little buggers and a world desperate to buy them. The problem was solved when we invaded some other shithole planet, callously drove off the natives and exploited the fuck out of its natural resources, including vowels.

The Welsh towns of Bwlchgwyn, Ysbyty Ystwyth, Ynysybwl and Cwmystwyth abolished all vowels some time in the 13th century, as the Catholic church deemed them sinful. This has since caused embarrassment to the parents of young children of these towns when they try to sing Old MacDonald Had a Farm with their kids and everyone lapses into silence when they reach the refrain.

The original version was Auld MacDougall Bought Ye Farm, and the chorus was mostly keening for the dead. It was a favorite at Scottish wakes.