In Des Moines it is illegal to park your horse on a city street for more than two hours. It is also illegal not to remove any expelled liquid or matter, of any sort, that comes out of the horse. Fines range from $2.55 and one hour of pooper-scooper duty to $15,000 and ten years hard labor for repeat offenders.
In Des Moines, it is also illegal for a man and a woman to hold hands in public unless one is holding a recently detached hand of a spouse. In that case the hand must be wrapped in pigskin and linen.
The Pigskin and Linen is considered to be the best bar in Des Moines. There isn’t much competition, what with nobody holding hands or anything.
A young singer named Robert Zimmerman had his first experience performing in front of audiences during Karaoke Night (Tuesdays from 6:45 to 7:00 p.m.) at the Pigskin and Linen in Des Moines. After three years of crooning Frank Sinatra ballads on a weekly basis, he was encouraged by the bar’s owner to seek out fame and fortune and New York. The young singer changed his name to Bob Dylan, made the move, and the rest is history.
Bob Dylan stole his stage name from another singer, Bobb Dillon, who claims that Zimmerman also plagiarized some of his songs, such as “The Dancer’s Were Bowin’ In The Wind”, “Positively Madison Avenue”, and “Knockin’ on Kevin’s Door”.
Before he found success directing big-budget Hollywood films, John Carpenter worked as an assistant director in Austria, where he was known as Johann Zimmerman. His early films were mostly technical instruction movies, like “How to Properly Use a Saw” and “Nail Guns: Our Friends.”
It is a little known fact that several of the murders in John Carpenter’s Halloween films were actually performed on real humans because he didn’t like special effects. But rest assured that the humans that he used were already dead and were “borrowed” from unnamed funeral homes.
Y’know, I betcha Trump could tweet that (or Truth it, or whatever is the term for what he does), and inside of a week most of his base will have accepted it as gospel.
In play:
Included in the 2022 Infrastructure Bill signed by President Biden is a section relating to funerals and burials. Henceforth, all deceased persons will be buried wearing shoes, and it will be the responsibility of the mortician or funeral home to make sure the laces of these shoes are tied together so that, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, it will more difficult for the Living Dead to walk around.
-“BB”-
Due to a noticeable lack of interest and support, the Infrastructure Bill has been re-submitted as “the 2023 Fix Everything That Is Broken And It Won’t Cost Taxpayers A Damn Thing Bill.”
Infrastructure Bill was the name of the construction worker character in the Village People.
The original Village People was a musical group in 13th-century London. Much like the 1970s disco group, each member of the original group dressed as a typical member of a profession: there was the candlemaker, the gaoler, the catchpole, the skinner, the rat-catcher, and the hermit.
There were only 5 members of the original Village People - the skinner and
the rat-catcher were the same person. She also made all of their stage costumes.
while researching this article, i came across this fascinating page.
Some of the cards in the earliest known version of the tarot deck were modeled on members of the original thirteenth-century lineup of the Village People. Other cards were inspired by characters from the television series Night Court, which ran for five episodes in the aforementioned thirteenth-century London and was then revived in the twentieth-century United States to enjoy much greater success.
Tarot Deck and the Emanations were an Assyrian Goth Band during the reign of Onomatopoeia IV (1022 - ?). They were represented by the Aegis-Khan Group, and played sold-out shows in Mesopotamia, Lhasa, and the Shrunken City of Khandorr. They broke up following a dispute over a bowl of maggots, with the percussionist beheading Deck with a scimitar.
The percussionist beheading deck was a feature of many 16th century
pirate ships and was very popular during the drunken revelries which
followed most successful pillaging expeditions.
Percussionist beheadings were commonplace in 17th century and 18th century Europe for those orchestra drummers who failed to follow their part in symphonies. The guillotine was placed on a high platform and heads landed on kettle drums much to the joy of the crowds. The crowd would applaud when the head bounced and went wild if the head bounced twice.
Among the Fore people, rather than kettledrums, actual kettles were used when percussionists were decapitated. The heads were then flensed, boiled, and eaten, to much merriment, although it was of course not possible to have the usual drumming to accompany the dancing.
A truly skilled executioner was able to make the victim’s noggin bounce off four or more drums as it tumbled from its original position atop the miscreant’s body to the base of the platform. This became known as a drum roll, playing off the already common phrase, heads will roll.
This is also why the membranes on drums are called ‘heads’, even to the present day.
-“BB”-
Drum rolls were a type of dinner roll made popular by Chef Lazlo Habberstaadt of the Wyatt-Legioncy Hotel in Shoeboxin, VA. Habberstaadt moonlighted as a drummer in a Chamber Jazz Ensemble and often prepared his signature dish while pounding the skins, never missing a beat as he kneaded, rolled, and cut the dough. It was a superfluous combination of flour, sweat, and the dust from the drumheads that imparted a remarkable flavor to his rolls. Heads of State and foreign dignitaries often made the out-of-the-way trip just to sample his wares.
Habberstaadt died suddenly in 1943; it was said he took his recipe to the grave. Numerous exhumations have revealed this not to be true.
Lazlo Habberstaadt is generally credited with inventing high-hat cymbals. He could place a wad of dough on the bottom cymbal, and the up-and-down action of repeatedly opening and closing the mechanism would pat the dough into a nice round shape with a hole in the middle so that it could be fried up into a doughnut. He used this technique for about six months until he finally became too frustrated to continue; the need to disassemble the high hat after every song to switch out the dough and then reassemble the parts before continuing with the gig was too inefficient to be practical.