25% of all cannibals prefer marmite to fava beans with liver.
Statisticians have a dread of the amount 25% and when they encounter it in their calculations will round it to either 24% or 26%. When asked why, they will scream and throw things at you.
25% of statisticians will scream, the rest will throw things at you. 25% will miss.
Edvard Munch supposedly screamed every time he saw the letter “W”. Art scholars are perplexed.
Edvard Munch’s brother, Edvard Crunch, originated the practice of Scream Therapy. In its initial pre-Primal phase, one pretended to Scream, but didn’t actually make a sound. Edvard Crunch’s wife, Lotta Crunch, divorced him but kept the name and went on to found Nestle’s Candy Manufacturatorium, Inc., naming their best known bar after herself. The Lotta bar was 2 1/2 pounds of milk chocolate, saturated with crisped rice, walnuts, almonds and peanuts. It was outlawed during World War I when there was a chocolate shortage due to the invention of Prof. Heimlich Pepperwinkle (no relation) of the Automatic Peanut Projectile Shooter (or APPS). After the war, Heimlich went into the computer software industry, which was a bummer since there weren’t any computers. Well, not real computers. Just oil paintings of non-existent walls of computer banks, mostly painted by Heimlich’s second wife, Manouevre. Manouevre was a massage therapist who thought she’d hit the big time by marrying Heimlich, but ultimately she just felt blocked.
Heimlich got into trouble with the German *polizei * when, during a domestic argument, he fired an APPS at Manoeuvre. At first, neighbors called the police about the incident and said that a peanut had lodged in her throat, but when they came to investigate, Manoeuvre said she was “chust choking.”
Aloysius Peabody Chust-Haybrook-Meadows-Seeling has never seen a complete episode of Friends in his entire life.
Riley Long Riddick Ulysses Philoquacious Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Nomen Jr. III a.k.a. “Bud” claims to have seen every television show ever broadcast in the United States, including episodes that were preempted by sports events except in a handful of local affiliates and never repeated.
It is very likely that Riley Long Riddick Ulysses Philoquacious Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Nomen Jr. III a.k.a. “Bud” has actually seen every television show ever broadcast in the United States, including episodes that were preempted by sports events. He even saw the entire 1968 matchup between the New York Jets and Oakland Raiders, which is widely known as the “Heidi Game.” Interestingly, he has never seen the movie Heidi.
Riley Long Riddick Ulysses Philoquacious Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Nomen Jr. III’s son, after a very long court battle, was able to change his name to Riley Long Riddick Ulysses Philoquacious Antidisestablishmentarian Nomen Jr. III. He married his high school sweetheart, Philomena Haberdashery Clature. Rather than take her husband’s name, she went by Philomena Haberdashery Nomen-Clature. Oddly enough, she knew nothing about men’s clothing.
Philomena was a heteronudist. That is to say, she wore clothes but tore the clothes off of anybody else nearby. It was was attracted Riley to her in the first place.
Modesty forbids recounting what attracted her to Riley.
Modesty Nomen, Riley’s birth mother, was, in general, a forbidding woman.
That non-forbidding woman, Penny, from The Big Bang Theory’s maiden last name has been revealed. It turns out it’s “[knock, knock, knock]”, so Sheldon knew all along.
Burlesque dancer Penny Knock-Knocks has been hit as hard as anyone else by the coronavirus quarantining. In an effort to raise cash (and possibly to give herself something to do), Penny has taken up dancing in the front yards throughout the neighborhoods. If you enjoyed her delightful yet enticing performance, please consider making a donation - she accepts payment through PayPal, Apple Pay, Cash App, and Venmo.
Penny Knock-Knocks is a joke waiting to happen.
Though many suppose that Knock-Knocks is a stage name referencing her, um, knockers, Penny is actually a lineal descendant of Philomena Farquahr Nomen Knock-Knocks, a signer of the Blawnox constitution, and a tireless campaigner for heteronudist rights.
Philomena Knock-Knocks lived out her later years in Knoxville, KY. At age 141, she unsuccessfully attempted a heist at Ft. Knox. At her trial, she told the judge “Hey, a Knock-Knocks Ft. Knox opportunity only knocks once.”
The last successful heist at Fort Knox occurred in 1973 by Rick Astin & Shelly Goldfarb, just a couple of kids having a lark on the way home from school. They got away with a half-a-million in bullion, but were so darn cute the authorities let 'em keep the gold. I mean, what good’s it doing in a subterranean vault anyway?
Shelly Goldfarb used some of her money to start the Kentucky Institute for Cute Kids (KICK.) Surprisingly few donors were found, despite the cuteness of the kids, so in place of bake sales, KICK started having home-brew bourbon sales, which were wildly successful.