Here’s the question to end all questions thought up by the sick help desk techs that I work with… how exactly does one go about ordering a Mail order Bride???
The industry is alive and well. Plug “Russian bride” or “Asian bride” into a search engine and you’ll get a zillion links. Investigative Reports ran a documentary on the subject a few years ago. Essentially you join a club for a membership fee. Exclusive clubs have higher fees and more “exclusive” women (read: beautiful and educated). In exchange you get a catalog of women and their vital stats. For yet more money, the club will arrange a visit to the women’s home country where you can meet several in quick succession. These clubs make money from both the desperate men adn the desperate women who pay to have their photos and information included in these catalogs. It’s not a forced transaction in that you don’t “buy” a wife, at least in the legitimate clubs. Both parties must agree.
I live in a pretty rural area (population 1,200) and a few years ago a farmer from a few miles out of town acquired a mail-order bride from the Philipines. He contacted an agency he found in some magazine (I suppose it could have been a men’s magazine but knowing him, I am more inclined to believe it was in a seed and feed catalogue). They sent him some possibilities (pics and bios). He told the agency representative which woman he found most desirable. They (he and the woman) wrote to one another for a while and finally Bill went over, married her and returned to the states with her.
It was an odd marriage, she was in her 30s, attractive and vibrant and Bill, basically a homebody, was in his 60s never been married and (to put it very mildly) was not overly attractive. He spoke no other language but English (a rather rural dialect of that language I might add) and her English was somewhat broken. But the marriage seemed to function reasonably well. Ding (her name was longer and more complicated but everyone just called her Ding) was rather bored, so Bill bought Ding a cafe (Did I mention that Bill wasn’t hurting at all financially?) at a nearby crossroads and she established a pretty good customer base.
She could cook wonderfully, a bit too much spice for many of the locals’ tastes, but Ding toned it down and the locals got used to it so it became a very popular place. She became quite proficient at some of the local favorites like pie, too. I knew a man who would regularly travel 120 miles for her rhubarb pie. Customers also became rather fond of her Philipino specialities. On Philipino night (the second and fourth Tuesday of the month (if I remember correctly) the place was packed.
After about 12 or 13 years Bill died. Ding sold the cafe (much to the dismay of the locals) and is now very busy trying to spend most of Bill’s money (everybody agrees it’s her right - they claim they couldn’t have lived with Bill for a week and she did it for over a dozen years).
She has brought her mother over and they spend most of their time either in Denver or Santa Fe, but generally she comes back for park dedications and school openings and the like. She always looks stunning (if a little out of place) sstanding there in her oriental gowns next to the Levis and plaid shirts.
TV
(more information than you asked for, but what the heck, it was free)
My guess is that most guys who’d consider a mail-order bride are either
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Nerds and geeks who’d PREFER to fall in love and get married the conventional way, but know that no American woman would be interested in them, and are getting desperate.
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Old-school tyrannical chauvinist pigs who want a woman who’ll clean the house, provide sex on demand, and do what she’s told, without complaint.
The latter guys are likely to be disappointed, for a reason that SHOULD be obvious! Such guys WANT a woman who’s timid, passive and undemanding, a woman who doesn’t want much out of life. But think about it- the type of Philippino woman who’d be content with a tyrannical husband and a miserable life could have those things in Manila! She could easily find a drunken, abusive, chauvinistic husband at home! Why would such a woman travel halfway around the world to find such a mate?
Now, the Asian women who become mail-order brides may not be feminists in the Gloria Steinem mold, but the mere fact that they’re willing to leave home and move to America proves that they have SOME ambition, SOME aspirations, SOME desire for a different and better life. In short, such women have some backbone, and aren’t likely to be the doormats that their new hubbies dream of.
I met a Filipino Mail Order Bride here in the States, working at SAMs and she was around 4 feet tall, gorgeous, intelligent, personable, funny, and intelligent and had she not been married, I’d have made a play for her. Now, she was in her late 20s and her hubby was in his late 50s and they had an agreement. She really loved him, but, like she explained, he couldn’t keep up with her needs. So she dated, and bedded other guys, as well as him, but she always came home to him and he apparently was content with that.
I asked her why she just did not leave him, and she adamantly assured me that she loved him and did not want to.
On Court TV, this old guy was suing a Mail Order Bride Service for misrepresentation and he had gone through something like 3 brides previously. He just loved the ‘pretty Russian women,’ but once they got into the States, after he paid all of the fees and stuff totally up to around 3 to $5000, they left him within a year or so, but that seemed fine with him. The girls paid him back, they had a mutually satisfactory divorce and after they left, he opened up the Mail Order Bride Catalogue and started looking for another.
Around town, I’ve spotted several Mail Order Brides and they seem to be pretty content all around, though I have heard some stories about the guys getting royally screwed once the lady arrives and qualifies for her green card or citizenship and other stories about guys doing it just to get the women into the country and qualified for naturalization. Their benefits were obvious: a pretty girl to live with, to have sex with, to repay them money spent, plus around $1000 profit, and then a no-fault divorce and everyone but the State Department is happy.
Many men I know have had fantasies or thought about Mail Order Brides because they find the Oriental women exotic and beautiful and very few such women live around here, or they find the way foreign women treat them men more desirable than American women do. Like in several nations, the women treat their guys like royalty, especially Japanese women, without the big mouths and argumentative attitudes many American women have.
Two friends of mine are married to Oriental women and love the way they get treated and respond back in kind. Both enjoy the quiet way the women argue with them, without being loud and brassy like many American women get and how the women seem to think of them first in most areas, again something many American women have abandoned.
Sometimes, you know, even I start wondering how it might be … because I find many Oriental women exotic and attractive as heck with their almond eyes, shiny, jet black hair and petite stature… hmmmm. Now where did those catalogues go?
Two words: Green Card.
I would have thought that the INS would revoke the green card of a mail order bride that divorced her husband within a year, and maybe file charges against the husband as well. IIRC, the “conditional” green card issued after marriage only lasts two years, and the husband and wife have to go through an interview process before the permanent green card is issued.
http://asiafriendfinder.com/
http://www.asiansingles.com/
http://www.obridge.com/
http://www.chnlove.com/
http://www.world-class.com/
http://www.svetlanaagency.com/
http://www.goodwife.com/asian/
http://www.cherry-blossoms.com/
http://www.thaidarling.com/
http://topdate.net/
for female natives of the Philippines, or “Filipinos” for males.
The reason they want to immigrate to the U.S. is the economy. The legal minimum daily wage in the Philippines is $4.50 per day, but many jobs don’t even pay that much. But it must be said that Filipinas do have a tremendous loyalty factor. They will stick with their husbands thru thick and thin. Infidelity is about the only thing they won’t tolerate.
I’ve been with my Filipina wife for nearly 10 years and she is still adorable most days.
She has told me some stories about Filipinas who were brought here and then killed for insurance money or were otherwise horribly abused.
Writing letters is a good way to get to know each other. You can think about what you want to say and say exactly what you mean. Elizabeth Barret and Robert Browning (the famous literary figures) had an epistolographic courtship. I would think that lends some respectability to the practice.
Did you ever notice there are no mail order husbands? What if I want to order a chemist from Russia? What am I supposed to do? Maybe I should start the first mail order husband service. I can call it “Mail Males”
Actually, there are. There’s a magazine in Alaska (it’s name eludes me at this late hour). The catch is that the women are supposed to move there, instead of the other way around. Also, there are similar catalogs or magazines in the prairie states where isolated farmers have trouble finding wives.
Are you suggesting that Russian women can’t be chemists?
The daughter of my wife’s academic advisor when she was going for her undergrad degree made a fascinating documentary film called A.R.M. – American/Russian Matchmaking about a particular “mail-order bride” service where the men were taken to Russia and met the women there, spent a few days with them. In the interviews with the women, many of them had doctorates as they grew up under Soviet Russia where education was free and often required.
[[Actually, there are. There’s a magazine in Alaska (it’s name eludes me at this late hour). The catch is that the women are supposed to move there, instead of the other way around. Also, there are similar catalogs or magazines in the prairie states where isolated farmers have trouble finding wives.]]
My first real boyfriend after high school moved to Alaska and left me for a woman he met there. That makes me feel really great.
Actually, I believe she was suggesting that she wouldn’t want a woman!
Actually, in Filipino culture, women are largely considered the strong-willed heads of the household. They often don’t fit the image of the timid Asian wife that you might be thinking of. I suspect that many of the men who order brides end up being ordered around behind closed doors. The men may have the money and citizenship but the women have the vaginas, and that’s real power. Especially for the desperate middle-aged geeks who haven’t been getting any for quite a long time.
They’d probably have better luck with Japanese women (not trying to stereotype too much here…) but, damnit, no desperate economic conditions there!
Yup, you’re right. No way in hell any of these brides got a green card and a divorce after just a year.
Hapa and Ruadh:
You seem to think you’re refuting me, but you’re actually CONFIRMING the essence of my initial post!
The notion that Asian women are frail, submissive, shy flowers who’ll readily submit to their domineering husband is a MYTH! It’s a Western, white guy’s fantasy, not based in reality (as most married Asian males will be happy to tell you!).
The women who agree to become mail order brides have ambitions and agendas of their own- meaning that the guys who marry them, hoping for timid, subservient litte geisha girls, are likely to be VERY disappointed.??? The only issue in your post that I addressed was why these women become mail order brides. I’ve no idea why you think I was challenging your ideas about the nature(s) of Asian women.
I showed this to my sister-in-law. My Japanese sister-in-law. After spending about 20 minutes rolling around on the floor, laughing uncontrollably, she remarked how foolish and offensive this particular stereotype about Asian women is.
With good reason.
I’m not sure mail order is the right path for you. you might want to look for something in the blow-up line.
I have to go throw up now.