Make up a cool superstitious belief.

A lot of superstitious beliefs are pretty lame. Why don’t we all offer some cool ones?

I believe that Jupiter is made of lasagna.

I believe that the carbonation in soda is actually fairy farts.

Stars are actually holes where the thumbtacks fell out.

If you cannibalize the flesh of a day laborer, you spend eternity in heaven.

Electromagnetism is really just teeny tiny bugs moving stuff around.

If you spill a beer Samuel Adams will show up in one of your dreams and kill you in your dream and you will then die in real life. He will also do the same if you vote for the wrong person.

So far I am apparently batting a thousand. Knock on wood.

There’s an old bearded dude in an invisible celestial kingdom who…naah, too easy.

Every time Scott Hamilton says “Nicely done!” during a figure skating event, you must respond to the television, “And a fine, shiny dome you have, sir!” or else the next time you go ice skating, you will fall and bruise your coccyx.

Tiny bugs called midichlorians

If you don’t say a little prayer as soon as you hear a sirens blare, it will come to your house and either your house will burst into flames or you’ll have a heart attack.

Scratching your head makes you go bald.

If something really bad happens to you, you’ve used up most of your bad luck for the moment. Go out and do something risky!

Thats works because you’ve drained your lucks capacitor.

…which is entirely unrelated to the Flux capacitor, even though they sound similar

a hard drive which is almost full of data weighs more than an empty hard drive, because ones are heavier than zeros

you can compress files on a recordable optical disc by grabbing the disc by one corner and shaking really hard

Due to the universal conservation of matter any weight you lose by dieting is put on by someone else.

After you close your eyes to go to sleep at night, opening them before dawn will reveal someone peering at your face, so close that you can feel their breath.

It is bad luck to throw a used condom on a table.

But it is good luck to be stabbed by a gypsy.

It’s bad luck to be on fire.

No… wait…

If you walk backwards through a door going outside you’ll be sent to another universe. It will not be pleasant.

If you are in a car or a bus and you pass a cemetery you must hold your breath until you are past it. Penalties for failing to do so are kind of ambiguous.

Really, when I was a kid we believed this and took it seriously. Before I was old enough to drive I went to the beach in the Summer via bus down Pico Boulevard, as a lot of other school kids did. When we passed Santa Monica Cemetery there was a huge gasp as all the kids sucked in air and then studiously avoided eye contact with anyone to keep from getting the giggles, which would be fatal, I guess.

Well, we took it semi-seriously.

Cats are the secret rulers of the universe.

If you eat bacon every day of your life, you will never get the Swine Flu.

Llamas are responsible for global warming - not by farting or anything, but because when we are not looking, they drive around in SUV’s which are fueled by the rendered flesh of baby seals and unicorns.

If an airplane’s shadow passes over you, it’s good luck.

(NB: I think this is something Amelia Earhart believed when she was young.)

Looking in a mirror will make you cross-eyed. This can be prevented by regular masturbation.

If you receive a club sandwich, and it has no frilly toothpick stabbed in it, this means the turkey is really the bacon, the ham is really the turkey, and the bacon is really the flesh from a thousand homogenized corpses.

If you push a senior citizen down, and they don’t break a hip, this means they are a zombie, and their head must be removed.

The light from the sun removes dark upon where ever it shines. This dark has to go somewhere, and that’s why we get tans.

If elephants weren’t so big they’d be rather medium sized. About the size of a Moose.

…and Møøse bites kan be pretti nasti!

You only have a certain number of “spare” cells in your body, they can be either part of your muscles, or part of your brain, that’s why weightlifters and athletes are so dumb, they’ve used up all their allotment of “spare” cells in their muscles, and have none left for their brain