OPEN ON a standard domestic scene. HUSBAND is clad in hunter’s orange and camo, with a rifle over his shoulder. WIFE is angry and frustrated.
WIFE:
“No! NO! You are not killing an illegal immigrant! They aren’t going to take your job, you’re a model for Abercrombie & Fitch.”
HUSBAND:
“But honey, if I don’t kill it, it’s gonna be real hard to frolic in its intestines. Normally, I’d consider that a personal challenge, but I’m kind of in a hurry. I have to be back in time to watch Saw IV on Skinemax.”
WIFE:
[ Shocked, turning to horror as she slowly backs away. ]
HUSBAND:
“I’m kidding! I’m just fooling around! You know I’m not in a hurry, I’m just lazy.”
WIFE:
[ Begins to rock, glassy-eyed. ]
HUSBAND:
[ Dramatic pause. ] “Got ya! April Fool’s!”
BOTH:
[ Share a hearty laugh, hugging. The hug lasts longer and the music shifts from ‘comedy’ to ‘romance’. ]
NARRATOR:
“Viagra: She’ll get it in the end.”