make up new names for common annoyances

We all have pet peeves along the lines of “when I try to do A then effect Z happens! AAARGH!” I hereby name mine…

Napkin Barf: when you try to pull just one napkin out of a dispenser, and end up with a giant wad of them because they’re packed in too tight.

Who else has one?

MegaCellphone User: when the guy next to you on the train is convinced that he must talk loud enough to be heard all the way to the end of the car even though the cellphone microphone is 1 INCH from his mouth!

Speaking Aitcharr (H.R.) refers to a language which mixes equal amounts of pretentiousness and obfuscation.

Purina People Chow: the little bags of non-peanut-containing snacks still delivered on a few remaining airlines. Soon the steward-persons will simply stand at the front of Coach Class and fling the itsy-bitsy bags into the rows to watch the amusing feeding frenzy of passengers on a six-hour flight that started at 10 AM fighting over 50 calories of salted mystery carbs.

“Luck You.” When you suffer a small accident and some idiot always tells you how lucky you are: “Wow, you were lucky. You might have really hurt yourself.”

“Dope Blank.” When you have a really cool question for the GQ forum but can’t remember what it was when you finally get to a PC.

My husband was at work one day when it started to rain, and he realized that the windows of his car (which was at home) were down. He asked me if there was a word for that. And I said…

win-d’oh! :smack:

Text Blockers - people who are walking soooo slowwwwwly or have come to a complete stop in the walking path in malls and hallways because they’re busy texting.

“Ticketrauma” - when you slam on the brakes, only to realize that the car behind you is not a patrol car but a sedan with a luggage rack.

Their Majesties: People who sail through an intersection or who edge in front of you in line at an on-ramp, after you’ve gestured for them to go ahead, with nary a wave of thanks.

The T-shirt gods are frowning: Inevitably putting a T-shirt on backwards in the dark, even though you have a 50-50 chance of putting it on correctly.

Buganoia: Knowing you almost certainly won’t, but being just a little leery of getting lice, fleas or bedbugs from an airplane or theater headrest or hotel bed.

Skrack: The small corner of a torn wrapper that never gets thrown away. If you have kids in your home you probably have a fair amount of skrack.

I get this a lot.

“Namnesia.” When you meet a new person, and forget their name 3 seconds after they tell it to you.

As a former co-worker of mine used to say, “at least give me the finger!” :smiley:

They, along with the aitcharr speakers, mega cellphone users, text blockers, "luck you"s, T-Shirt Gods, and ticketrauma inducers deserve to be pelted mercilessly with bags of Purina People Chow and their carpets covered with skrack torn off the wrappers. Then go to their cars and get a bad case of win d’oh.

Namnesiacs and dope blankers get a pass though, 'cause they both happen to me all the time.

another one of mine

Techno-tots: young children who don’t know their alphabet or numbers yet, but they know how to use cheat codes for all their video games and make fun of you for not having a cooler cell phone

“Debragging.” The well-known phenomenon that the best way to find the most egregious bugs in your own software is to show the big boss that it’s ready to go live.

Can I use this for when I can’t think of the name of someone that I’ve worked with for years?

In my defense, if I interact with someone once a week or more I usually don’t have a problem, but any less than that is problematical.

Sorry I don’t have one of my own to contribute. These are all great.

No, no, ‘ticketrauma’ happens when you go to get tickets at Ticketmaster and realize that your $29.99 seats have actually cost $62.10 each because of the ‘ticketing fee’, the ‘convenience fee’, the ‘printing fee’, the ‘EDI fee’ and the ‘we signed an exclusivity contract with the venue, so we can’ fee that they have added to the actual cost of the performance.

What you’re describing is ‘cop whiplash’.

Guest-list calculus : that thing you do when planning a party and you know that you can’t invite both Joe and Jane because they had a bad breakup 3 weeks ago, but if you invite Jane, then you can’t invite Susie, because she’s dating Joe now. And if you invite Joe, make sure not to invite Dennis, because you know he’s going to be an ass about Jane not being there. And whether or not you invite Michael is a big deal, because he used to be Deliliah’s boss at Pepsi, and he doesn’t know she quit to go work at Coke and brought Polly and Dwight with her.

This is why I rarely have parties.

ahhh, good old (not) Ticketbastard…

and of course after the guest-list calculus comes the joy of trying to keep track of who’s keeping kosher, low-carb, gluten free, vegan, allergic to food X, won’t eat red meat, won’t eat fish… and god help ya if it’s a formal party where you have to figure out seating arrangements :eek:

Hell, I get it with people really close to me. Like my bother, whatzizname.

Recycliguilt: When you get bottled water or a can of pop while you’re away from home and know that you really ought to take it home to recycle, but don’t want to go to the trouble of lugging it around with you the whole time, so you quietly slip it into the trash when no one’s looking.

Loaf of bread squashed in bottom of grocery bag or camping food box = wheat wads.
Person who does not complete one sentence before starting next = auto-interrupter.
Driver blocking traffic and driving erratically while searching for address = wherdafuckami.
Person standing still, taking up entire width of escalator = american.

The sound that the windshield-wipers make long after the rain has stopped and they’re squawking across dry glass, and the driver is too oblivious to notice it:

“Dumb guy, dumb guy, dumb guy”