Make your own commercial using showtunes

A local (probably tri-state area) buffet restaurant chain has been using Food, Glorious Food from Oliver in its ads which seem to come on every 2 minutes and have that song hopelessly lodged in my head of late. So here’s a challenge- make up your own advertisement for any product you choose (name brand or generic) using any showtune you choose. I’ll start:
Ethel Merman for BEN GAY ointment:
“I haveeee a CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!! It’s only 8 bucks, Papa! It’ll help with your back, Papa!”
The cast of Les Mis for RAID Roach and Ant killer:

“Look down, and see, the roaches at your feet… look down look down and stomp them if you can/Look down, and see them dying at your feet/because of the spray that sends them to their grrraves…”

Beauregard Pickett Burnside for Dr. Scholl’s ointment:

“You take the pain right out of my corns, Scholls/you give release just like you was porn, Scholls! Whoever thought an ointment would put our own podiatrists to shame? You make me feel alive again, you’ve given me some drive again, can’t wait til I’ve got hives again Scholls!”

Beef, you is what’s for dinner now!
You is! You is!

There’s no butt wipes

Like our butt wipes

Like no butt wipes I know

When you’re finished with your nasty shitting

You don’t want what’s left staying where you’re sitting

But if crappy fingers make you think of quitting

We’re not kidding

Wipe with us

So let’s go

Sit on the throne…

Worst case scenario would be if this were a Depends commercial.