What are the most stupid and embarrassing jingles, or the most debasing application of their legitimate talent?
I recently saw a commercial that was completely innocuous, for a new feather duster that somehow incorporated a spray bottle into the handle. Inexplicably and apropos of nothing, the end of the commercial suddenly introduced a jingle composed of a woman singing, in an impassioned and fiery big momma gospel style, “It’s uh-betta with the spray…I said it’s bettah with the SPRAAAAAAAY!”
It just struck me as one of the stupidest, most unnecessary and embarrassing jingles I’ve ever heard, and I felt legitimate empathy for the session vocalist who had to sing it. I mean, here is someone who has presumably honed their voice over years as a tool of creative expression and art, and they’re singing about a fucking chintzy spray bottle as though they are the archangel michael singing the praises of YHWH himself. Embarrassing and unfortunate!
What are equally awful and dehumanizing jingles that required legitimate talent to perform?
Talk-sung by a guy with a mock British accent and danced, complete with touching-the-affected-body part-Macarenaish gestures, by the cast of a Pepto-Bismol commercial. Maybe not legitimate talent on the level of a gospel singer shilling for your feather duster ad, but there were some actors involved and I’m sure they were humiliated. That commercial is as embarrassing to watch as it was irritating.
Then there’s the notorious “massager” ads found ubiquitously in the back of low-rent periodicals of all types, with the model rubbing her shoulder with what is obviously a vibrator. However, IIRC, you rarely see the model’s face.
OMG!!! That’s Meatloaf doing that ad? I thought he looked familiar, but couldn’t place him. And I’ve never seen the long version, so I couldn’t figure out why the woman (who I presumed was the wife/mother of the other two) walked into the ad carrying what looked like a raw leg of something, then was never seen again.
Orson Welles’ commercials have tio be the absolute bottom of the barrel. The commercials weren’t all that bad, but it was Orson FREAKIN’ Welles.
John Houseman for Puritan cooking oil was also a debasement, but Houseman had already debased himself by then. I’ll give Laurence Olivier a pass because he was in poor health but still doing good work when he did commercials.
Stan Freberg’s commercial for Heinz Great American Soup was the most expensive commercial ever made to that point. It featured Ann Miller tapdancing, Busby Berkeley choreographing a chorus of 20 dancers, Billy May’s orchestra and full-scale production values. Given that there was hardly enough money left in the budget to even run the commercial and Great American Soup was a marketing failure, you could argue that it was a colossal waste of time and talent.
Well, I was going to say it’s that of Montreal song that got turned into the horrible Outback Steakhouse jingle. But that Neti-Pot pic has that beat by a long shot.
I love that commercial! OK, “love” is a strong word for a commercial, but I love Meat Loaf. I don’t think he’s that hard up for money (I hope not), I would bet he just thought it was funny and agreed to do it.
