Making Fun of Religion Again

Look what I received in my e-mail. I think it speaks for itself.

So, didja click the link?

C’mon, Johnny: click the link!

{chanting} Click the link! Click the link! Click the link!

Okay, it might be nitpicky, but…
Do I really have to comment?

Fuck, Johnny, I don’t read that crap when I get it in my e-mail, why the hell would I want to read the glurge/xian-spam you get?

What 2nd Law said. Bleeeeech.

When judgement day gets here, I hope this person gets an unpleasant surprise.

sigh

See, Johnny, to make fun of it you have to ACTUALLY make fun of it, not just share it with us. Sure you didn’t mean to post this in GD as “witnessing”?

What the hell does is this part trying to suggest? I’ve read it ten times, and I have no idea what its intentions are.

I…think the dude who wrote this glurge is saying that if the world keeps time relative to Jesus’ life, he must have been more than just one man. Of course, this guy’s world must only include Christian countries, since he conveniently forgets about Asian calendars and the Jewish calendar, plus however many more there are out there that don’t hold to Jesus’s birthday. The Georgian calendar is simply a convention that the rest of the world (as in non-European states) has adopted to make it more convenient to deal with other countries, just as many people outside of America or England learn English; it’s the current lingua franca.

This entire pile of smelly horse poopie (yeah, I’ll swear if I wanna! It’s the Pit, goshdurnit!) may be likened to Jack Chick tracts (and boy, if that ain’t an insult, what is?) in that it’s only preaching to the choir; if you believe any of this, especially the Fun With Numerology section, you’re just as deep into it as this guy is.

And, of course, we’d be here to notice the difference if it wasn’t perfect.

Wait…no we wouldn’t.

It’s called the Anthropic Principle, folks, read up on it…

No no no – since the whole world keeps time according to the “B.C./A.D” system (which will come as a surprise to some Islamic countries, among others); and since “B.C.” refers to Christ (“Before Christ”); therefore using a time system that mentions Christ must mean that the whole world believes in the divinity of Jesus and follows His teachings – and since the whole world believes in Him and no one man could fool the whole world, He must be It!

Personally, I do think He’s “It,” spiritually speaking, but I hate stuff like this that makes Christians look stupid.

I like the bit about exorcisms. Surely, no one can deny that no other religion can match Christianity when it comes to expelling imaginary Christian spirits.

Also, I like that version of the Lords Prayer with all the big words removed. I plan to clip and save that one, on the off hand chance I suffer massive brain damage in the future and can’t hadle the version that isn’t in all caps.

Just for shits and giggles, I thought I’d take a look at the “center of the Bible” deal. In my New International Version, there are 1,635 pages, making page 818 the center. The passage from the middle of that page is:

Sounds like a philosophy I can live with.

Of course, this only holds up if you use the standard Protestant ordering and inclusion of books of the Bible. The New American Bible that the Catholic Church uses has seven additional books (Tobit, Judith, 1 Maccabees, 2 Maccabees, Wisdom, Sirach, and Baruch). I’m not about to try to figure out the center based on number of verses, but using my method above, there are 1,447 pages, with page 724 being the middle. This version has two colums per page, and the verse that goes from the bottom of the first column to the top of the second is:

Very uplifting.

One final one. One of my King James Versions has 1,219 pages, making page 610 the middle page, giving us:

This sounds like something that Cecil might say, just going to show that Cecil is God.

2nd Law wrote:

Um, because of my auctoritas?

As a person who collects a lot of tracts and crazy propaganda, I’d just like to say that this is a particularly interesting specimin. I always get a tingle when people use wacky numerology to prove a point, one which is of dubious meaning anyway.

Yes, Jesus fooled the whole world into arranging the calendar according to his birthday, and fooled them into getting the exact date wrong. Such a genius is our lord.

They will know we are Christians by our ALL CAPS.

Scientists have declared it to be supernatural.

**
[/QUOTE]

That’s a mental image I just didn’t need.

[little girl] I don’t like it when Jesus touches me. [/little girl]

I am so damned.

Would someone explain this to me?

What about the Apocrypha? Was the Catholic Church guided by the hand of God to remove just the perfect amount of works from the Bible?

–Tim

The original comes close to getting the date thing right, but not quite–what is really neat about God’s dating system is that the anchients must have known when Jesus would be born! Obviouls,y they were counting down to something, and when they reached 0, Jesus was born. Are you gonna call that a coincidence? Pu–lezzzze.

Someone pu-lllleeeazzzze tell me MandaJo was kidding…
Sigh…