My sister lives paycheck to paycheck while my wife and I have our own business that allows us to travel quite a bit and save for a comfortable retirement. We’ve had to bail her out several times when she can’t pay her bills with “loans” that she never attempts to pay back.
I’m fine with all that, but when we talk on the phone, her financial woes are always the topic of discussion and the comment that I resent the hell out of is when she says something like, “you don’t realize how lucky you are that you don’t have money problems”. As if our wealth is based on luck and not a whole lot of hard work, never ending education, and agonizing trial and error.
I’m the only happy one. We all got help with our undergraduate college education. We will get a nice inheritance some time between tomorrow and ten years from now.
I was an engineer, didn’t have kids, had a friendly divorce, lived fairly frugally and retired at 56 with a house in Santa Barbara. I don’t need the inheritance but it will be nice. I am living a life that is beyond what I ever dreamed possible and have everything that I need. I am very blessed and privileged.
My younger sister has two amazing adult kids. Her first husband does well and was generous in his support. Her second husband does amazingly well. Sister has an MBA so she legitimately helps with the his business part time. They have adult children who are doing fantastically. They make much more than I do but also are far from frugal but certainly live within their means. This sister lives a great life but is forever pissed off over trivialities that she perceives as unfair related to the family dynamic. There really isn’t unfairness but even if there was, it’s a pittance compared to what she has.
My older sister does well but her husband is effectively a deadbeat. They have a daughter who is doing great in college. They are living the life of my younger sister without the income or savings to justify it. They are counting on the inheritance to support them because they didn’t save enough. They are perennially aggrieved as well.
The estate is to be divided evenly but I am the sole executer as I am the only one everyone trusts. They aren’t jealous of me because they don’t want my lifestyle. Why drive a Civic for twelve years when you can lease a new Jaguar or BMW? Why live without designer clothes and jewelry? To each their own.
I probably made less, over the years, than either of my (younger) siblings. But I certainly never felt the slightest resentment. I made enough, that’s all.
My sister worked as salesman in a jewelry chain (Caldwell’s) and was year after year, the most successful (and therefore most highly paid) salesman in the entire chain. They eventually had to pay bonuses to all the other salesmen in her branch to avoid resentment against her (which on occasion resulted in at least one of them telling a customer she no longer worked there when they asked for her by name). Anyway she was making well over 100K in the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, her husband took up with a teen-ager and took most of their money and ran. I’ve written about her problems elsewhere. We still talk regularly and love each other dearly. Once I sent her $500 so she would go talk to a lawyer.
My late brother (died of a brain tumor in 1999) was a free-lance systems analyst, at least that’s what his business card said. What he actually was, was a high-priced computer trouble-shooter. Among other things. He helped design the system that banks use to transfer money. (And would never use an ATM, consequently). He certainly made more than me and more than our sister. I miss him dearly. We grew up sharing a bedroom and we would talk every evening for what seemed like hours (it wasn’t) until one of us fell asleep. His wife deeply resented the fact that when we got together, we spent nearly the whole time talking to each other. Our mother resented it also. My wife didn’t, bless her.
But the fact that both of them made more money than a humble college professor didn’t make the slightest difference to our relationship.
My sibs are doing much better* than I am, and I’m happy for them. They’ve worked super-hard in Corporate America, and have been well-rewarded for it.
Me, I would hate that.
I just retired from thirty years teaching in a polytechnic college where I really didn’t have a boss, and retired while they were still working hard.
I have twenty times the free time they do… that’s worth a lot to me.
*Oh, I should specify “Income-wise”. While they make much more, they also spend much more. I don’t have their Premium Cable/Streaming/NFL SundayTicket expenses, nor their country club memberships and “greens fees”. Oh, and they regularly “go to Disney” (really? Is saying “Disney World” THAT much tougher?).