tiggeril – Honey, I feel for you. Been there, done that, designed the damned T-shirt. I came out the other end and I’m here to tell you that you can do it too.
It stinks that your parents treat you so badly. It reeks that they play favorites. It bites the big one that they have made you even partially buy in to the idea that you were a mistake.
They have no right to do this.
You are your parents’ responsibility until you come of age and can support yourself. They have been responsible for your health and your well-being. They have failed miserably at this. This is not your fault.
Let’s review. Why are you here? To put it bluntly, your parents had sex. When you do that, you take responsibility for any pregnancy that might occur. You most emphatically do not take our your anger on the product of your procreative urges. You shelter that product – your child, the most precious gift anybody could ever receive. You do almost anything to help that child get and stay healthy, happy, and well-adjusted.
Okay. So much for that. The good news is that you’re 18 and can strike out on your own. Are your parents putting you through college, even a little bit? Take what they will give. Try to get more. You’re entitled. You haven’t gotten much else from them. (Don’t try so hard that they get mad and withdraw support. It isn’t worth it.)
After you’ve gotten what you can from them, you can start your own life. You can do whatever you want with it. You can create a life that you like! You don’t have to please your parents any more for self-preservation!
When you feel you can deal with it, you should get some therapy. The sooner, the better – and the less work it will be, because the less you will have to undo.
As I said, BTDT and designed the T-shirt. I’m 44 now. I have a wonderful husband, four terrific kids, three lovely dogs, and a life I like a lot. My abusive alcoholic father is dead, and before he died I got to tell him what he had done to me. My abusive and enabling mother is still alive, and I hardly ever see her. She can’t deal with the truth, so I don’t give it to her. We don’t have much to talk about.
I never would have expected it, but I am glad I had my horrible childhood. I appreciate what I have so much more than I would otherwise. I feel for unwanted children as I never would have if my parents had loved me. That’s the flip side, and I’m glad I can play that side now.
God bless you, honey.
phantomdiver