So I’m 16 years old and I’m a sophomore in high school. My parents are pretty wealthy. We live in a 2-story-house with 6 bedrooms, and a swimming pool in the backyard. My parents are also well-known, especially in the area. However, there are several reasons why I would gladly settle for a middle-class lifestyle.
One reason is that people are jealous of me. They assume that my life is so great. Every time I try to talk to someone about problems that I have, they’ll say something along the lines of “You shouldn’t be complaining. Most people don’t live the kind of lifestyle you live.” The jealousy also makes it difficult for me to make friends.
Another reason is that it’s impossible for me to be my own person. As I said, my parents are somewhat well-know. Every time I introduce myself, whether it’s at a party or at school, they’ll say, “Oh, you’re so-and-so’s son, aren’t you?” I can’t tell you how at annoying it is to be viewed as the child of someone rather being viewed as the person I am.
A final reason is that all my achievements are attributed to my wealthy background. I consistently score at the top of my class in my French and World history classes, and I’m also the principal trumpet player in my school’s orchestra. Every time I achieve something, people will say things, “Wow, it really helps to have wealthy parents.” As if money can buy success. We all want to be given credit for our own achievements, but because I’m from a wealthy family, that’s very hard to get.
So no. I don’t wish I were from a poor family, but I wouldn’t mind being from a middle-class background, since it would mean that I wouldn’t be having these problems that I mentioned.
Greetings from London. I would say you are firstly and foremostly a teenager, and that is problematic in itself
Teenagers all through history wrestle with themselves and sometimes with their parent/s for their own identity. It will come, esp. as those responsible for you, and love you most, see you are responsible and maturing. You’re pretty close to the cusp of that now.
The good news is you’re not 16, suspect you are gay and you live in somewhere like rural Russia or parts of Africa.
In terms of the wealth, well, you’ll go off to college and mingle with people from the same background and that issue will evaporate for a few years. By the time you hit the work force most people are starting to feel happier in who they are.
They are awkward years you find yourself in. It’ll get better soon
My advice to you is to keep these things to yourself because not many people will be sympathetic. Why? Whilst people do feel sympathy for other people’s problems, everyone carries around some problems and there’s also a limit to that sympathy. People complaining about the downsides of something that is overall greatly advantageous to them won’t catch much sympathy.
You may feel this is unfair, but regardless it won’t change the reaction you are likely to get.
You should understand that at least part of your achievements are because you have wealthy parents. You point out your abilities in French and as a trumpet player, but do you understand there are a lot of children who attend schools where there are no such thing as French classes and music programs are gutted to the point that having a school choir is impossible?
Also, you’re 16, you’re going to be known as “so-and-so’s son” until you are notable for something in your own right.
That said, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and aren’t afraid to do the work required to excel. I think you probably have a bright future, especially if you embrace the opportunities offered to you as a child of privilege.
On the music program thing, I agree. Another aspect of it is that if your parents are poor, like mine were, you don’t get to even join those programs because they can’t afford to buy/rent you instruments to practice with. I was lucky that my mom was a big reader, taught me to read early and instilled a love of reading in me. Because that was my primary “mad skillz” throughout school and I had no other benefits. Back then, every sixth grade class went to “sixth grade camp”. I was SO looking forward to that. When I got to sixth grade, my dad not only wouldn’t let me go “because we can’t afford it”, he also wouldn’t let me participate in the fundraiser to pay for it. (He was kind of an asshole, in addition to being poor.)
Similarly, paying for college? Well, child, you can get a job, right? Your legs aren’t broken. So yes, I got a job, nearly full time (38 hours/week) to get myself through college. My parents didn’t pay a cent, and I also couldn’t get any scholarships or loans because, while my parents wouldn’t help me financially, the financial programs assumed they would and built that into their applications. So I didn’t qualify. I went from a B average student in lower grades to a C- average student in college because I was working so much that I didn’t have enough time to do study adequately and was tired all the time.
On the other hand, the “known as so and so’s son” thing also happens when you’re in a small town. People would always come up to me and say “you’re Michele’s daughter, right?” That one isn’t limited to the wealthy.
On the jealousy topic, I’m sure that happens. I don’t have much to suggest to make it seem better. People are petty and it’s always greener on the other side of the fence. All you can do is ignore comments and such like that. Here’s a crazy example that I encountered: I had a sucky childhood with a chronic disease and spent a fair amount of childhood in hospitals. When I was in my 30’s, my brother (who is 11 months younger than me, so we grew up together) told me that he was bitterly jealous of me when we were kids. He felt that I got all of mom and dad’s attention and I was their favorite. Yes, because they were taking me to the doctors and hospitals all the time… I had it SOOOO good! :rolleyes:
Wow, I’m really sorry about that. I certainly don’t wish I had a chronic illness. Some brother you have, being jealous of you instead of worried for you.
I’m the oldest of 5 and I did well in school. My sister, 15 months younger, always struggled. But she went thru most of her school years having to follow me and have my achievements thrown at her as expectations. I’m sure she was glad in high school when I followed the college prep track and she followed the business track - our paths finally diverged.
My point is - to quote Roseanne Roseannadanna - it’s always something. Really, even when you’re on your own out of your parents’ shadow, there will be times when you’re judged based on something over which you have no control. Once you recognize that and accept that things can be unfair, it makes dealing with life a bit easier.
Hang in there. Soon you’ll have your own life, perhaps among people who never heard of your parents, and you can wallow in anonymity! Only you can decided what matters to you and what to blow off.
Sheesh - I’m making myself gag on the trite crap… But it’ll get better. Teen years contain a lot of suckage, regardless of your economic status.
It’s not just wealth. I’m forever being recognized as my mother’s son, even though my family was decidedly on the low end of middle class. Mom’s just one of those people who gets involved in everything.
One thought is to put your sights on going to a private military school for a different university experience. That will separate you big time from your family if that is your intent. Norwich, The Citadel, or VMI will do.
Mom and Dad will go nuts on what their little baby is doing there. Meanwhile you’re proving to yourself something on your own. No one there will give a shit what family you came from and Dad’s name won’t help. You are just a piece of shit rook, knob, rat or whatever they will call you till you show you can stand up on your own.
Not the average collegiate experience, and not for everyone either. However if you want different the option is there.
Get out and away and to a place where you prove yourself, and you got 2-1/2 years to think it out. The above is one suggestion, I’m sure more will come about.
Get better friends or don’t complain. I realize that sounds mean, but it’s genuine advice. Work on getting real friends who you trust and then you can complain - though if you complain about your money, you’re just being a doofus. Money is always better than broke and most people are broke.
Not true. Drop a rich kid into any random public school and they’ll do just as well, socially, as any other random kid. Which is to say, some will be socially awkward, some will get bullied, some will be the life of the party, etc.
You’re not very good at making friends. Jealousy has nothing to do with it.
Don’t be annoyed. It’s a true statement. You’re that person’s kid. It’s only if you’re acting like there’s an implicit follow-up question that it gets awkward. If you answer in the same way as you confirm that the sky is blue, no one will give a damn.
Accept that it helps, where it helps - you don’t have to work a part-time job, etc. Explain how it doesn’t help, when it doesn’t help. Keep it factual and realistic, and move on.
This is your problem, not anything that anyone else is doing. People react towards you in the way that you react towards yourself. We’re social creatures and that’s how we’ve evolved to behave with someone we don’t know.
If you project confidence and humility, you’ll be loved. If you project nervousness and doubt of self-worth, you’re going to be met with a bunch of people treating you like you’re not worth what you’re getting.
Most of this self-correcting. In another three years, you’ll meet kids who have no idea who you are and who giggle at the idea that a 6-bedroom house means you’re wealthy.
In the short term, look around your house and identify all the things you have because of your own efforts and all the things you have because someone else gave them to you. Include all the things you have that other people made for you. Start thinking about how you can give back to all those people (including the people who make your food and your clothes and your car and your trumpet).
You’ve been given a lot. Start thinking about how you’re going to use your gifts to make the world a better place. It’s way more productive than complaining about jealousy and way more likely to make you real friends.
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… the Vanderbilt and Whitney fortunes; S.I. Newhouse IV, of the Conde Nast Newhouses; Ivanka Trump, daughter of Donald Trump; and Georgianna Bloomberg, …
I grew up in a six bedroom house on a lake. We weren’t wealthy - well off, but not wealthy.
You will quickly leave your small pond and go onto a place where there is a greater variety in socio economic class - where someone looks at you and says “one house?” with that sort of “really, how does anyone spend weekends without a second home in the Berkshires?” lilt to their voice.
And when you get their, your discipline and hard work that is reflected in your music and grades will start paying off and be a reflection of you - not your parents.
And you’ll also meet those people that are truly middle class - whom you now envy. And you’ll realize that annoying though it is now, some of the advantages your parents were able to buy for you have given you opportunities those without that money didn’t have. Its kept the financial anxiety of “you have to have a part time job after school to buy your own shoes” at bay (my kids - we are well off - don’t worry about shoes - but my son has a job to keep himself in Monster energy drinks and snowboard lift tickets. My daughter has started looking for her first job - to keep herself in expensive makeup and salon trips - but there is a huge difference between holding a job so you can get a manicure more often than Mom is willing to pay and holding a job because you need gas, insurance and a cell phone - and that is better than having to hold a job because your income is needed for rent and groceries). You’ll discover that graduating without student loan debt is a gift that is worth every slight you now get.
(My kids are seventeen and eighteen - and there is a lot of angst at that age - but in the words of the wise Dan Savage “It Gets Better.” )
Yeah, I get it, it’s hard to make it on your own when you have family expectations brought up to you all the time. It happens in small towns, too, and the envy and jealousy are there, too. Just don’t make the mistake of trying doing less than your best, to deflect the jealousy. Just keep reminding yourself that you’ll be going to college soon. Choose a big one, where you will be anonymous, and you can make friends and achieve things on your own merits.
Congrats! on the trumpet playing. Keep it up! Good for you for putting in the work, and not sliding.
Everything starts getting better once you are no longer a teenager, honest.
Trite metaphor, but still true – we all are dealt different hands of cards. Some people waste good hands, some people rake it in even if they’ve been dealt lousy ones. Just play your cards to the best of your ability. Keep doing your best with what you’ve got. Learn to be kind, compassionate in a rational way, do your best in whatever you choose to do, or is given to you to do, and you’ll be fine.
I had a similar problem, from a very early age. Both of my parents were artists, and everybody knew it. I also had exceptional artistic ability. But every time I ever did anything artistic, all I ever heard was, “Oh, your mother did that for you” or “Oh, your father taught you how to do that.” Neither was ever the case. My parents encouraged me, but everything I did came 100% from me. At least I also excelled in other areas, in which I was “my own person”. But it wasn’t until I went to college, far from anyone who knew my parents, that I was given credit for my art.
So you’re already 16. It won’t be long before you’re off to college, where nobody knows your background… or they’ll have similar backgrounds. Just be sure to pick a college far from home.
Welcome to the Dope! Sucks being a teenager, but it doesn’t last forever. College is great fun and something to look forward to, with a great chance to remake and find yourself – especially if you leave your home state (which I highly recommend). Good luck!
