This will rank high on the pointless-o-meter but I want to say it anyway regardless of if this thread gets 1 reply or 100 replies BEING POOR SUCKS.
I was reminded of that today when I was at my friend’s house, I had a great time but I had know idea that his house was so huge. As Peter Griffin would say “this house is freakin’ sweet”, I don’t want to get into a detailed description of his house but I do want to say that his closet was about the size of my bedroom, his pantry is basically a mini super market, and one of his bathrooms is big enough to have a couch in it…actually one of his bathrooms does have a couch in it.
He is turning 17 in about 2 weeks and his present will be this he already knows because he handpicked it.
His parents lifestyle is “justification for higher education” in my opinion.
He wants to come to my house next week and my house is nothing like his and I tried to tell him but he still wants to come.
I have been home for a few hours and in an effort to prepare for his visit I threw away so much clutter so the house would look cleaner, bigger and brighter.
Now that it’s cleaner, bigger and brighter I am sitting here and noticing how disgusting the carpet is with all the stains and the crappy paint job on the walls that looks like somebody used chalk instead of paint, the crappy furniture and the crappy appliances. I was like “Mom let’s get some new furniture” and she was all “we don’t have new furniture kind of money we have used furniture money” :smack: or something like that .
I wonder what my friend will think when he comes because I know what I’m thinking and that is that it sucks mucho ass to be a poor kid.
START, as someone who was always the poor kid, too, I can tell you that if it bothers your friend to come to your house, he’s not a real friend. So just don’t worry about it. Don’t compare your house to his. Really. I promise you, it’s just not that important. My oldest friend was like yours, raised in money and privilege. But to this day we’re close friends, even though our lives have been nothing alike. That’s only outside stuff. The inside stuff? That’s what counts.
This probably won’t make you feel any better, but when I was in high school I was mid-to-upper middle class and a lot of my friends weren’t very well off. It was only years later that I realized that they were uncomfortable about me coming to their houses (and why some of them never had me over at all, and watched for me to drive up and met me at the curb.) It just wasn’t something I was aware of at all, and now I wish I’d realized so I could have maybe been more sensitive or whatever. It’s not like we had much money when I was a little kid - the older I got the better off I was, but we were certainly never snobs and that sort of thing was never important to my family. It’s not something I grew up thinking about.
You’re worrying about it too much. If your friend dosen’t want to come to your house, he isn’t your friend and his priorities aren’t worthy. It’s probably something you’re blowing all out of proportion in your head, like my friends were.
On the other side of things, I went to school with a great number of Old Columbia Old Guard types, soon-to-be-debutantes and Names. They lived in great big houses (and drove old crap-ish cars, see relevant threads on the American old money) that were completely outside my experience. Their parents often didn’t seem to work, or worked things that didn’t really seem like jobs. Their houses were full of antiques and family heirlooms, and I felt really funny about inviting them to my house, which was all wall-to-wall carpet and had an avacado bathroom. It was nowhere near the right neighborhood, either. Some of the boys had relatives who would not have approved of the male family scions associating with an upstart like me. So think, maybe the people you’re worried about are spending all their time worrying about what other people think of them and their circumstances.
Yeah. What Mama Tiger said.
Also, there’s poor and then there’s poor. I was a poor kid growing up, but I wasn’t a poor kid. If you have Internet access, I doubt you’re a poor kid either. To me, poor is constantly worrying about where your next meal is coming from, or whether you’re going to have a roof over your head next month, wearing rags for clothes, wearing worn-out shoes in the winter, and so forth. The regular old-fashioned kind of poor (which is what I was) might be living in an apartment instead of a house (or living in a smaller, less opulent house), having an old car, not being able to get every single new thing that strikes your fancy. Actually, poor might be considered lower-middle class, depending on who you ask.
There’s also rich and then there’s rich. This guy sounds closer to rich to me. If he’s out in the Real World at all, he’s going to know that most people aren’t as rich as him, and he’s going to deal with it if he wants to have any friends or deal with reality at all. I’m sure your house is perfectly fine. But if he is shocked and appalled (which I doubt)? The hell with him.
Do not be ashamed of your house or in the way that you live. There is no reason.
You know what sucks worse than being a poor kid? Being a poor adult.
When my friends go out to movies, I can’t go with them. My entertainment consists of walking around, sitting around in the coffee shops where they won’t notice that I’m not buying coffee, and hoping work will call so I can eat some of the office snacks and have a cup of coffee. When I get hungry and there is no food in the house, I eat rice or lentils- no matter how badly I want to go to Taco Bell. My family invited me to Disneyland this weekend- all expenses except travel paid- and I couldn’t do it because I can’t even afford a bus ticket around town. I have to work Thanksgiving, and it looks like I’m going to work almost all of Christmas, too. I have no idea where I am going to live after two months, I don’t have health insurance, and I just plain can’t do anything (go out, eat, exist) without feeling guilty about spending money I don’t have.
When you get to college, it’s going to be harder before it gets easier. People’s parents are professors, actresses, lawyers and doctors- not pipelayers and waitresses. And then after college, if you don’t get good breaks, then you end up broke without even financial aid to fall on. But you do realize that it’s not stuff that makes anyone happy (up to the point of having enough food and shelter to live). And that although you will probably always be a bit jelous, the rich and poor really arn’t that different. Heck, half the time the rich kids adopt a pseudo-poor-college-student lifestyle anyway.
I guess what I’m saying is that it sucks to be poor, but if your biggest problem with being poor is how others see you, you arn’t too bad off.
Well, I think you have to make do with what you have now. Just getting rid of the clutter and rearranging stuff will do a lot for a place.
Besides, at your age, your friend has got to realize that your parents aren’t quite as well off as his parents, and by now, it shouldn’t be such a big deal.
By virtue of having a computer, internet access, and a SDMB subscription, you’re not poor - end of discussion. You may be broke, but there’s a definite distinction. Being broke means not being able to afford extravagant luxuries - being poor means not being able to afford necessities. I tutored middle school kids who literally sucked d*** in alleys in order to help their parents pay rent on their one-bedroom ghetto tenements - that’s poor.
Start, I notice that all you talked about was the somewhat shabby condition of your family home. You didn’t mention any worry re your friends’ reaction to your parents, siblings, etc. Suppose your house was in better shape, but you had to worry about being embarrased by the behavior of an alcoholic or drug adicted or mentally ill family member? Things could be worse.
When your friend comes to visit, make him feel welcome and comfortable. Don’t be embarrassed by your home surroundings, because that will just make your friend feel embarrassed and uncomfortable too.
He will remember your home for its casualness and its warmth. Bad paint jobs and worn furniture melt into the background when a house is filled with fun and friendship and some decent tucker.
I know this from experience. Trust me. Rich kids love the laid back attitude of poorer houses. They can relax and be themselves. It might be one of the few opportunities he has to do so.
Yea, I gotta say, START, cry me a fucking river on this one.
You are not poor. End of discussion.
Yes true I’m not poor but Ultra Lower Middle Class would be a good description 
.
You all made me feel better I must say sort of the same feeling I get when watching a “feed the children” infomercial. It’s like well I’m poor but I’m not poor.
Although compared to my friend I came home and looked around and felt dirt poor. Stained carpet compared to wood floors, c’mon.
Cisco I get the feeling you think this is a sympathy thread and it’s not, I was simply stating why I feel anxious about my friend coming to visit me at my house after I saw how great his was.
My main thing was the look and feel of each house, dude I have 7 siblings living in the house with me (that includes my step relatives). My house is crowded, loud and small his is spacious and quiet and I am thinking he is going to be like “What the heck”.
Anyway I’m just going to be proud of what I have and if he thinks it’s trashy then I’ll just be like “whatever”.
I hate to post twice in a row on my own thread but I should also mention that a year or 2 ago internet access and all that would be out of the question because we were “Larry Jones” poor before so I do know what that feels like too. I guess my family is moving on up.
I grew up lower-middle class and had some rich friends. One advantage that might not be obvious to you right now, is that it is easier to do better than your parents when you come from modest beginnings. A lot of rich kids have problems because they can’t compete with their parents. I am doing a lot better than my parents, while my grew-up-rich friends who are as well off as me feel like losers.
I wouldn’t worry about your house. If your family is nice then he’ll have a good time. If they are batshit crazy like mine were, then he’ll probably not ask to come over again.
Yeah, “me too” time.
Relax, have fun, be genuine, make him welcome. If you try to be something you’re not, things won’t go well.
My house was the one that my group of friends usually chose to hang in. The couches were old and ripped, the carpet stained (not too badly though, but it was certainly very well aged), and the TV had a strange green tint to the left half of the screen. But it was laid back and casual. We weren’t worried about knocking over any fancy crystal figurines or nothing. We just relaxed, goofed around, and occasionally made the carpet a wee bit funkier.
Good times.
START, he won’t judge you. I know because I was one of those kids with the freakin’ sweet houses, with all the friends who had used furniture money. I never thought about the effect seeing my house had on them, but I also never thought that I was in any way superior or inferior based on living situations. Your friend will understand that life is life and you play the cards you’re dealt. Honestly, he probably won’t even think about your house. I went to poor (“broke”, i guess) friends’ houses all the time and never thought anything about it. They were kids, just like me, and they were my friends, and all that mattered was that we had each other. Houses and furniture and all that crap was just BS, meaningless.
I’m going to say exactly the same as the previous posters :
-You don’t seem to be really poor
-Even if you were, it couldn’t be your fault, anyway, since you’re a student
-I doubt your friend will mind. He has to be accustomed to such a situation, and most rich people don’t despise poor people. You’re more likely to be despised by someone who makes 10% more than you than by someone who makes 10 times more, IMO.
-If your friend does mind you being poor, then he’s too shallow to be kept as a friend, anyway, whether or not you’re poor.
Hey, at least he can drive you around - think about it - you don’t have to pay for gas, bus fare or insurance! ( I was the youngest in my group of friends, they all had to haul my ass around if they wanted to hang with me )
Maybe he really doesn’t care where you live, but instead that you are his friend, and are fun to hang with.
Sounds like your mom is accepting that she has to live within her financial means - some adults just don’t understand that.
There are worse things than being poor.
I for one can say without hesitation that anyone who is embarrased about having a mentally ill family member can go fuck themselves.
As for the OP, it’s not a rich kid/poor kid thing, IMHO. You don’t get to pick your family. If you are nervous about how this guy will judge your house, then re-think the level of friendship you think you have. I’ve been friends with wicked rich people, and people whose homes were ill-kept, shabby and utterly without decor. It’s a friendship, not Better Homes and Gardens. Aside from discomfort about actually sitting in filth while visiting, I don’t care what someone’s home looks like. Ditto their car.
Care about who they are. If this guy’s a real friend, he’ll be delighted to come and visit with you at your house.
Cartooniverse
Relax, START, he’s one of your buds, he’s not gonna think less of you because your family is less well-off than his.
When I was in high school, my friends came from many different economic backgrounds, from wealthy to broke. My family was on the broke end of the scale, but it never mattered to anyone. My mother had an “open door” policy for my friends, so most of the time everyone was hanging around at my place anyway, used furniture, stained carpets and all. Mom would come home from work about midnight or so, and she’d be stepping over kids crashed in the living room because everyone decided to stay overnight.
Seriously, it’s your attitude and your family’s attitude that counts, not the bankroll.
Oh, and cool he’s getting an Avalanche for his birthday. I agree with **misstee ** - you’ll have a friend with a sweet ride to tote your broke ass around town, so enjoy it! 
It might be a good test for your friend. If he looks down at your house then you will know his character.
True friends don’t care about the surroundings. They care if you are there for them in the middle of the night when they are stranded by the side of the road.