Male aids for the bedroom [TMI]

Right now I’m in a situation where I finally can get an erection during intimate encounters with my girlfriend (for those unaware, I had a problem getting an erection/aroused around my girlfriend, but no problem when I was alone)

The problem is I can’t seem to maintain the erection for very long. It isn’t that I come too soon or anything (quite the opposite, actually) it is more that it just…well goes away on its own, despite all efforts to keep my little buddy awake. So I was wondering if cock rings would be useful for me. I’ve never had any experience with these, but considering that often times I’m using my hand to maintain/strengthen my erection anyway they seem to be rather practical for my needs. Any doper feedback on the matter?

Ever heard of Yohimbe once I took 2 of those and had a “youknowhut” for about an hour and not a weak one…Yohimbe is powerful stuff.
I took it out of curiosity and now know how powerful that stuff can be.

If you’re not having trouble maintaining when you’re alone I’d say you still need to give yourself more time to get over your problem.

I’m not a doctor though so take that with a grain of salt.

Where did you get it? I’m rather curious!

That junk can be dangerous.

Read this.

And I’d advise you to see your doctor/urologist and see what he/she has to say about it. You don’t mention how old you are, so I don’t know if this is possibly normal or not. I just know that at 65, it sometimes happens to me. My doctor gives me free samples of viagra to the point that I have a glut of the stuff, but I still ask for it every few visits because it’s so expensive.

My doc’s a good guy.

Rings can be used to prolong the erection, but they are not suited for wear over 1 hour at a time IIRC. Since this seems to be a recurring problem, I would definitely consult a urologist to address the physical aspect of this. If all of the plumbing is in proper order, and medications do not seem to help, this could be a psychological issue, and off to another doctor you go. Just out of curiosity’s sake, what is your overall physical fitness like?

Just try it. They are fun and cheap. I never have any problems in that area, but a ring is fun occasionally- it makes you rock-hard. If you don’t want to order one or go into a sex shop or ??? use a broccoli rubber-band. (I read this advice in a sex book). They are the thicker rubber bands and sometimes they have these little extra nobs on them to help you grab them. Another way might be to cut the bottom of a few condoms off and use them. 1 condom worn normally and 2 cut-offs around the base should make a nice snug ring for you.

Another thing that you could try would be the silicon gel cock-rings that have a little vibrator in them. We’ve thought about adding one of those to the toy kit ourselves. A vibrator at the base of your penis should definitely help you stay up, and boy, will she be happy! :wink:


So does it go away while you’re going at it, or just beforehand?

I used to have a similar problem for about the first 3-4 months of my current relationship. It just eventually went away on its own, and I’m pretty well convinced that it was more of a mental thing- I wasn’t used to actually having sex and the situations and sensations involved. It took a while to get un-used to spanking it myself whenever the urge struck me to whatever material I felt like.

Oh- FWIW, those rings with the vibrator were kind of distracting for me- somehow the vibration lessened any sensation I had. I didn’t go soft, but I wasn’t really feeling anything either.

It goes away while I am going at it. It is not always consistent; sometimes it lasts longer than I anticipate, other times I can’t get enough of an erection for penetrative sex. So I feel frustrated because sometimes I feel like I am ‘improving’ only to have disappointment later.

If it is a mental thing, then I guess I have to get over myself :frowning: Not easy; I just can’t ‘not worry about it’ because I’m NOT worrying about it when I have sex but it is still happening.

A good metal ring can help, get one just slightly smaller than your diameter when fully arroused. Doctors might have perscription for you that helps, but don’t use any non-prescription herbal or other alternative (they invariably either don’t work or are dangerous). A rubber band can be used instead of a ring, but it tends to get painfull quicker. If you get a ring that is too small it can get painful and difficult to remove use an ice bag in an emergency in that case. If it is your cup of tea you could get your so to try prostrate stimulation (by finger, or with a thin dildo/vibrator specifically ONLY for that use).

A “youknowhut”?

It’s an erection.

How mature are you?

Is your partner attractive? Just curious. Also, have you had this trouble with other partners?

How snarky are you? :rolleyes:

That’s actually a very valid point. If you’re not sexually attractive to the girl you’re with, it’s no wonder you’re having trouble getting an erection. Beyond finding a hot girl, I have no more advice (not because I think you have to have a great looking girl, I just don’t know what else to say).

Are you saying is she somebody that other people would find attactive (trophy girlfriend?) or somebody that I find attractive? Because I find her very attractive.

Its not like there is no erection going on- its just not very consistent. And I have had to deal with this with other partners. Things have been improving gradually, its just frustrating to deal with. Obviously I wish that there was never a problem in the first place, and I wouldn’t have to humiliate myself asking for help/feedback on the issue.

I’m likely suggesting things you’ve already tried or considered, but…

-Does the duration (long/short) or type of foreplay have any positive/negative influences?

-Position during coitus? Does that seem to play a role in any way?

-Alcohol or caffein consumption through the day?

-Exercise? I find nothing recharges me more mentally and physically like a good regular workout routine.

-Also, perhaps breaking the routine a little. Mixing things up. Different rooms, different times of the day. A little dirty talk (or a lot, YMMV!). Just a general addition of spice to the sex routines.

-Finally, when was the last time you had a physical? May not hurt to get the blood pressure and routine blood test workup done. Who know what very simple and fixable things they can find.

-Ummm… also… prostate exam? Just to be on the safe side.

Ms Cyros here, former sex toy salesperson…

I would be very careful with metal rings. I definitely would not recommend for the beginner. Basically, if you become engorged and feel it is too tight, there’s no immediate way to remove the metal ring and this can cause some anxiety.

For a first timer, I would start with either a flexible material (rubber, etc) or something with a quick release function in case it becomes too tight (velcro, leather with snaps, etc). There are variations in the design of the rings as well. Some will have two rings, one for around the testicles and the other for the penis. Some of the flexible rings are meant to be worn around the testicles as well as the penis. Also, maximum recommended usage time is 20 minutes.

Further, some men like to use a penis pump for maximum engorgement. These usually come with a flexible rubber ring that slides onto the penis once erection is achieved, and of course, this retains the ring helps to retain the erection by restricting blood flow.

/Ms Cyros

See a doctor, please! There could be physical issues going on that you’re unaware of. (Vascular issues are coming ot mind.) That things are improving somewhat doesn’t mean that you don’t need the attention of a medical professional. It can only be to your benefit and this is what urologists do all day, so there’s no reason to be embarrassed.

Pardon me for daring to say “not required.” but, umm, if the dude’s junk is functioning fine when he’s alone, and not working when there’s a partner involved, then I don’t see how it could be something that requires a physical doctor’s intervention.

I mean, if he has hypertension, or prostate issues, I doubt they’re going away when he’s home alone, but magically appear when a girl shows up. Everything (presumably) has been fine for a long time, and magically became problematic when a woman showed up, and is ONLY problematic when the woman is around. Doesn’t sound like a medical issue to me. Sounds like a mental one, and not one uncommon with guys who are just “getting initiated into the cult of sex.”

I know, actually suggesting maybe a doctor’s not required is gonna get me blasted for putting his health on the line. Hey, if someone can give me a good medical reason that the involvment in a partner, at an almost 1:1 ratio would cause medical erectile dysfunction, then I’ll retract my statement. But til then, I see no reason to incurr the cost and hassle of involving a doctor who, when he hears what we’ve all heard here, is gonna say it’s probably mental.

My personal advise? Give it time. If it’s still not working in a few months, consider a therapist. If the problem ever starts cropping up when you’re “on your own.” then go see a doctor, post haste.