the “on your own” comment made me think of something.
Try quitting spanking it like a zoo monkey on speed when you’re by yourself. Maybe if you’re exceptionally horny, it’ll work fine. I know mine tends to get lazy if I’ve been beating the bishop with alacrity, but I’m like the enzyte guy if I don’t.
Not that I’m an expert or anything, but it sounds like a psychological thing to me. I had a somewhat similar problem when I first started having sex: I couldn’t finish. It was, literally, years before I was able to have orgasms consistently with a partner. What “fixed” it was getting comfortable with the whole sex thing and learning to let go and enjoy things. I think I had too much anxiety about diseases and pregnancy when I was just starting out. When I had my first serious long-term girlfriend, the problem largely resolved itself.
Things that might help you:
Do you have trust/anxiety issues about sex? You should probably explore your feelings about sex. If you do have hangups, are they related to your girlfriend specifically, or are they about sex in general?
Are there positions that really get you going? Sometimes a position doesn’t turn you on enough. I usually need pretty strong stimulation to finish, even when I’m close, so a position like missionary, with her legs raised so that I’m very deep in, or rear-entry helps stimulate that sensitive ridge on the underside. Plus there’s the psychological factor related to those positions. Find out what works for you.
Are there sex acts that turn you on? I find it easier to finish if I’ve had some oral attention to start with. I also get off on getting a girl off. If she’s had some good orgasms and is really excited, I get more excited too. Reducing her to quivering jelly might give you a nice ego boost and help you stay with it.
How long are we talking about here? When I was having trouble finishing, I would sometimes go for a long, long time. Sometimes I was hard the whole time, on other occasions, Lil’ Sleel wouldn’t cooperate and stay in the game. If we’re talking an hour or more, it might be just that you’re tired, or overstimulated, or picking up negative feedback from your partner: “You’re still not done?!”
Are you a Top or a Bottom? These terms apply to more than bondage. Some people really need to feel in control and only get off when they’re on top or in a position of psychological power. Others only like it when they’re subordinate. Which are you? Or are you somewhere in between?
Definitely not meant to be insulting, snarky, or implying anything, but are you sure of your orientation? When I was in my early exploring phase, I found that guys don’t do much for me. I tried some stuff, but it didn’t work too well. Even just the smell of a woman gets a reaction. I can admire a good-looking guy, I might even be able to picture doing things with him, but it doesn’t get me excited in anywhere near the same way that a woman would.
Worrying about things too much is counter-productive. Figure out what you like and don’t like. Get comfortable with your responses and get comfortable with your partner’s. Relax, have fun, and most problems will probably work themselves out.
Does this happen when she’s on top? That would more emulate your situation when alone. The act of excersion could be a problem. Not sure of your age but coronary problems are a common occurance in middle age.
Are you on BP medicine? Many blood pressure medicines will kill a perfectly good erection.
Personally, I would get a checkup. This is a common problem that doctor’s are use to dealing with.
His profile says he’s 23. That’s prime time for a guy. I walked around with a hard on 24/7at his age.
First of all START that’s pretty funny. I have no idea why you would be taking those considering how you a teenager. i remember getting an erection when the wind blew too hard!
But for me, when I have problems keeping it maintained, I usually try to focus on the girl. Nothing makes me hornier than hearing a girl moan or something like that when I am into foreplay. By the way, maybe you need more foreplay? Girls definitely dig it, but in case you don’t know, that can be…
Nipple licking,
Oral sex,
Kissing,
etc…
Its kind of nice to see your girl really turned on, which instantly turns me on. But that’s just me.
I don’t have any health problems, and can have an erection for long periods of time when alone, so I don’t think the problem is physical.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m blowing this out of proportion, making the problem worse than it really is. But it is also difficult not to be a little insecure about it. As others have said, guys in my age range are in their sexual prime. And yet I’m a guy who can’t seem to maintain an erection in a sexual situation. Granted, I’ve been able to please my girlfriend greatly through other means, so its not stifling her own level of satisfaction, but at the same time I would like to get over it. It is difficult not to think about it when we are intimate, and I wonder if that is part of my problem- that I am over-thinking all of it, putting too much pressure on myself.
If it’s likely psychological, I think you’ll be happier in the long run if you figure out a psychological “cure” rather than any sort of sex aid that you might come to be dependent on.
What happens if you masturbate in front of her? If you’ve tried that, do you react more like when you’re alone, or more like when you’re with her?
Another possibility that isn’t psychological is just that you’re not getting enough direct stimulation when you’re with her.