retarded ejeculation(there should be a better name for this)

In My Humble Opinion
1

So T.M.I. of course but here goes:

So I’m a male, aged 41 and I can’t reach an orgasm with my girlfriend. I usually have a strong erection, and I can finish manually ,but not during sex.
I always had trouble climaxing with a partner.

With my first girlfriend it took me a week before I could reach one but after that I could always complete, usually after an hour or something, this was when I was 21, that relationship went on for 5 or 6 years, with most of the sexy stuff in first year.

My second girlfriend was when I was 30, the first night I could not cum, but the second night after a few hours I was able ejaculate.

In the ten years between her and my current girlfriend, I did masturbate a lot, twice a day, once to start the day with a positive note and once to help unwind and fall asleep …five years ago I had to take anti-depressants for a short while, while on medication it was impossible for me to finish as well, something that drove me crazy at the time.

But ever since I had a crush on this girl , a period of say half a year , I somehow didn’t feel the need to wank as much…

we have been dating for two months now, and having sex for almost the same period. It’s great, in the last ten years I went to the gym a lot: running, rowing and the cross trainer, so I have very high stamina, so I can keep a high intensity intercourse for as long as she needs it, I’m stronger then I have ever been, something that’s also great in the bedroom.

I’m not the most coordinated person, but I can make her climax, I love doing different things, Oh Joy sex toy made me a master in the art of cunninglingus:


Oh Joy Sex Toy - How to Eat Pussy

(pro-tip…use your nose as well) I like getting blowjobs, handjobs not so much…we both aren’t realy interested in anal
I’m very much in love with her, and she with me….we’ve been having lots of sex, I don’t feel too physically frustrated(no blue balls) and I have been able to manually climax a few times, usually when I’m alone.

She doesn’t mind that I can’t come, as long I don’t mind she says… she gets very wet and stays well lubricated during our extended intercourse but there is some chafing with both of us, she has a spray that helps with it.

I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t say I’m worried , but I do think that I should have been able to climax with her by now…
I used to think it was nerves but I feel really comfortable with her, It might be because I’m paying more attention to her pleasure then my own, but I have tried to concentrate solely on my orgasm without any results.

If nobody has any advice ,just consider this a stealthbrag(awesome, ten year younger, wicked smart,smoking hot girlfriend)

2

She must have been exhausted.

3

No wonder you’re worried about the kitten’s chances. :smiley:

It’s not unheard of for it to take some practice, anyway. This goes double if you’ve been out of the loop for a while. Best not to worry too much, it’ll mostly sort itself out.

4

I thought this was going to be about when you suddenly shout out really stupid things and everyone looks at you like you’re mentally challenged.

So … I guess I’ll be leaving now.

5

Please remember to make porny links two-click, such as the above link to a, um, tutorial.

6

Sorry about that, can you edit it?

7

:smack:

wow.

You should have shown me that link long ago.

Probably would have saved my marriage.

8

A few questions? Are you still on the antidepressants? Do you have any issues sexually, such as growing up in a religion where sex was seen as really bad? I don’t pretend to be a therapist, but there are a number of issues which could cause or contribute to that. Seeing a therapist may help to sort it out. This isn’t something which would takes years of therapy.

The other question is how do you masturbate? (Feel free to just answer to yourself.) According to Dan Savage, the sex columnist, many guys use a “grip of death” and their body gets used to that. Nothing short of that will do.

His advice is to entirely cut out masturbation until your body gets used to the new feeling.

9

I know! right? feel like I should be showing the link to all my male friends…:slight_smile:

No, I only took them for about six months five years ago.

one of the things I thought was that perhaps because I’m still in the early, active stage of in love(in Dutch we call it “Verliefd”) some of the same chemicals could be active…but thats sounds stupid when I type it out

I don’t think I have any hang-ups with sex, My mother was single mom with an active sex life and sex was an acceptable topic for conversation.

This might be it , but as I said, I felt a lot less compelled to masturbate for almost six months, say once or twice a week , and in the last two months have only wanked three times.(to help me fall asleep)
I could try to stop completely, but how long should this take…a month? Half a year? Four years?

Thanks for the reply

10

It might be that the mere knowledge you have about the real possibility of a delayed or even absent climax messes with you. Self-fulfilled prophesies and all that. I know it was an issue with me, even when I was in bed with a woman I loved and lusted. What helped me was re-imagining and visualizing the succesful past situations (lots of fun, BTW) and keeping that light-hearted, sensitive spirit when the next time rolled around. Also, I think it was good to cultivate a certain sense of healthy sexual selfishness at the moment of truth. Letting go in a greedy way :slight_smile:

11

I do know, that what I’m doing with my current girlfriend in no way feels like any past sexual play I ever had. We are both active participants in lovemaking…its fun and funny, we talk and joke…we go through a lot of positions and roles
I have extremely mixed emotions about the time my first girlfriend and was in a depression with my second girlfriend.
I never felt that masturbation had anything to do with sex( even though I used sexual imagery )it did not make me feel very happy about myself, unlike the sex I’m having with the person I’m with.

so maybe I shouldn’t complain to much

12

My first thought was to see your doctor. Taking over an hour to orgasm seems very long to me.

I’m certainly no expert, though. Have you tried Googling “delayed orgasm in men”? Maybe some of those pages have some advice. There may be something physical that is happening or not happening with you. You don’t seem to have any psychological issues, since your description of your current relationship sounds very healthy.

J.

13

Moved from MPSIMS to IMHO, home of threads on medicine and physical symptoms.

14

From the female sexual dysfunction POV, where I am educated, I’d like to suggest you do pelvic floor exercises, as men can benefit from them as well. First, they will do NO harm, and second, may make you aware of the muscles involved (as well as the physiologic response).

There is an ISSWSH member in The Netherlands (Wulf?) whose practice is as a sexologist. He’s WAAAAY cool. (He’s the reason I warn people that silicone lubes can make a shower all too slippery)

If I’ve misinterpreted your location, there are men’s sexual health experts to whom I am able to direct you.

15

I have found it much easier to cum with some women than with others due to the shape of the, um, interior, etc. And I have also found that different positions worked much better for me with different partners (and with my favorites, a lot of positions worked).

Thus, my advice:

  1. Try different positions. See if there is one that reliably gets you off. You may very well find a “sweet spot” that solves the problem. For example, I have had partners with whom I could only get off in missionary, and I have had others with whom missionary was the least effective position. It can vary a lot.

  2. Are you using condoms? Those can make a big difference in ease of getting off. I hate them, personally (yes yes, disease and pregnancy prevention, all that). And I find that, again, based on the partner, I can get off more or less easily with a condom on (with a few, it was almost just as easy; with most, it was much more difficult). So another thing to think about is using another method.

  3. If you can get off with her via a handjob or BJ, have her make you almost cum, then stick it in and try to cum that way. If it doesn’t work, keep doing that again and again. You’ll probably eventually succeed in cumming in her. If not, you’ll at least work yourself up to a pretty spectacular orgasm. (You can also do this jerking yourself off to the point of near-orgasm, then sticking it in.)

Good luck, and don’t psych yourself out. I really think #3 will work if nothing else!

16

The better name is Delayed or blocked orgasm. SSRIs cause me to have this same issue and I fucking hate it!

It’s like I have to choose between sanity and good sex.
Seems like there ought to be a cream out there that you could apply to the area to make it more sensitive.

17

This, I think is the best advice of all. I’ve had a similar problem at times. Although I’ve been well away from that scene for a long time now, it always happened with the most casual sex… especially with prostitutes. To the best of my recollection I’ve had 4 or five experiences with sex-for-pay, and in every case I was able to achieve and maintain an erection but could never climax. The same thing has happened a few times with the casual bar room - pick - up. I seem to have some kind of deep-seated insecurity about casual sex. The most memorable sexual encounters I’ve had were with someone whom I truly cared about. I am prepared to believe that such failures to climax as I’ve experienced were, in fact due to my own ambiguous attitude at the time. It was most certainly not the fault of my partner, but to my own angst and insecurity. I also found this to be the case during the final years of my marriage. I am a reasonably health middle-aged man, and I never had much trouble “getting it up”, but the anger & resentment I felt toward my partner, the frustration of trying to meet her demands made it impossible to fully consummate the act. I was, in fact, psyching myself out.

I don’t know if this applies to your situation, but speaking for myself I think the problem was mostly in my own mind.

18

I had a similar problem at a point in my life when I had a long gap between girlfriends. It is like your body becomes used to finishing a certain way which makes the traditional way more difficult. For me the only thing that helped was time. Good luck. I understand exactly what you are going through.

19

I thought it was going to be about Fox News or YouTube comments, either one.

20

It’s not just anti depressants that will do it. I’m a chronic pain patient and ten years of use of narcotic pain needs have made an organ elusive for me. I can literally lady hours when having sex. It becomes very frustrating. Are you on any pain meds?