retarded ejeculation(there should be a better name for this)

[Siam_Sam]

Huh. And here I thought “retarded ejaculation” referred to the bedroom noises heard by the wife of Curly, of Three Stooges fame.

[willthekittensurvive]

@jharvey963

My first thought was to see your doctor. Taking over an hour to orgasm seems very long to me.

I’m certainly no expert, though. Have you tried Googling “delayed orgasm in men”? Maybe some of those pages have some advice. There may be something physical that is happening or not happening with you. You don’t seem to have any psychological issues, since your description of your current relationship sounds very healthy.

J.

I haven’t been to a doctor yet,
My google results were unsatisfactory:
swung between non medical blogs talking about deathgrip masturbation and to much porn, and medical articles where it was either old age or latent homosexuality.

@The_Holdsworth_Effect

From the female sexual dysfunction POV, where I am educated, I’d like to suggest you do pelvic floor exercises, as men can benefit from them as well. First, they will do NO harm, and second, may make you aware of the muscles involved (as well as the physiologic response). .

My girlfriend has can do some Kegel exercises, they feel all kinds of awesome…I can move some muscles down there, but I have no idea if I’m activating my pelvic floor

@The_Holdsworth_Effect

There is an ISSWSH member in The Netherlands (Wulf?) whose practice is as a sexologist. He’s WAAAAY cool. (He’s the reason I warn people that silicone lubes can make a shower all too slippery)
If I’ve misinterpreted your location, there are men’s sexual health experts to whom I am able to direct you.

I don’t think I’m ready just yet to see a therapist, seeing how I made some progress this weekend

@Aeschines

I have found it much easier to cum with some women than with others due to the shape of the, um, interior, etc. And I have also found that different positions worked much better for me with different partners (and with my favorites, a lot of positions worked).

Thus, my advice:

1. Try different positions. See if there is one that reliably gets you off. You may very well find a “sweet spot” that solves the problem. For example, I have had partners with whom I could only get off in missionary, and I have had others with whom missionary was the least effective position. It can vary a lot.

2. Are you using condoms? Those can make a big difference in ease of getting off. I hate them, personally (yes yes, disease and pregnancy prevention, all that). And I find that, again, based on the partner, I can get off more or less easily with a condom on (with a few, it was almost just as easy; with most, it was much more difficult). So another thing to think about is using another method.

3. If you can get off with her via a handjob or BJ, have her make you almost cum, then stick it in and try to cum that way. If it doesn’t work, keep doing that again and again. You’ll probably eventually succeed in cumming in her. If not, you’ll at least work yourself up to a pretty spectacular orgasm. (You can also do this jerking yourself off to the point of near-orgasm, then sticking it in.)

Good luck, and don’t psych yourself out. I really think #3 will work if nothing else!

1 we tried a lot of positions , tempo ‘s and even some ointment’s. I think I like the sideways one the most, with me clamping her one of her legs between my legs
2. no she has an IUD(keeping wanting to type IED) and a slight latex allergy
3. I like it when she uses her mouth, but it’s not as effective for me…I don’t really enjoy hand jobs, (scared she might tear something)

@SeldomSeen

This, I think is the best advice of all. I’ve had a similar problem at times. Although I’ve been well away from that scene for a long time now, it always happened with the most casual sex… especially with prostitutes. To the best of my recollection I’ve had 4 or five experiences with sex-for-pay, and in every case I was able to achieve and maintain an erection but could never climax. The same thing has happened a few times with the casual bar room - pick - up. I seem to have some kind of deep-seated insecurity about casual sex. The most memorable sexual encounters I’ve had were with someone whom I truly cared about. I am prepared to believe that such failures to climax as I’ve experienced were, in fact due to my own ambiguous attitude at the time. It was most certainly not the fault of my partner, but to my own angst and insecurity. I also found this to be the case during the final years of my marriage. I am a reasonably health middle-aged man, and I never had much trouble “getting it up”, but the anger & resentment I felt toward my partner, the frustration of trying to meet her demands made it impossible to fully consummate the act. I was, in fact, psyching myself out.

I don’t know if this applies to your situation, but speaking for myself I think the problem was mostly in my own mind.

I guess we share the bit about it being mostly between our ears, but I feel really secure with her. No pressure or anything with her.

@Quimby

I had a similar problem at a point in my life when I had a long gap between girlfriends. It is like your body becomes used to finishing a certain way which makes the traditional way more difficult. For me the only thing that helped was time. Good luck. I understand exactly what you are going through.

Thanks

@obbn

It’s not just anti depressants that will do it. I’m a chronic pain patient and ten years of use of narcotic pain needs have made an organ elusive for me. I can literally lady hours when having sex. It becomes very frustrating. Are you on any pain meds?

I sometimes use a sleep pill, maybe once every two months, but no pain medication…I also don’t drink or blow or use any recreational drug
But good news!(I think)
this Saturday morning ,when I went to the bathroom after a prolonged sexual workout, after I emptied my bladder, a thick white liquid came out. And this Saturday Night when we changed positions it appeared that I discharged inside her….strangely enough without me registering it, and without me losing my erection.
Hasn’t happened again and we tried it a lot, but I think it’s a step in the right direction!

[willthekittensurvive]

Two and half months later .Last night I was able to climax during sex, and inside my girlfriend.

We had being making love all day, long session, we were both a bit sore , we took a break to go to the birthday party of one of her friends,

we weren’t back till after midnight, falling once more in make out mode, with her on top, really nice, we both felt satisfied and were ready to detach, when I gave her a few short thrusts upwards , something felt diffrent and I continued, on a higher speed, she noticed it as well, falling into my rhythm. I felt it hovering near, just out of reach,heart allmost giving out, burning lungs… And then time stopped for me and I was actually able to finish.

Girlfriend was really happy for me, but she confessed that my non ejaculations had made her a bit insecure as well.

Slept as baby tonight, and seeing as we are both sore from the other day we just had a lazy Sunday.

But feeling really relieved, and curious how the next time will go.

Whoot whoot