I had sex for the first time last week. One aspect of it that was a little bit disappointing was that I didn’t get much arousal out of it. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of effort- both the fellatio and intercourse felt good, its just wasn’t arousing enough to get even close to having an orgasm.
The closest I had gotten to having sex was over six years ago, and at the time I thought the reason I couldn’t get an erection/aroused was because of performance anxiety. This time, I was much, much more comfortable and confident with myself, and I had thought that alone would have solved the problem, but it didn’t.
The funny thing is that being a guy, I masturbate a lot. Now I have absolutely no problem giving myself an erection/orgasm, so I’m wondering if perhaps I am so used to myself that it is difficult to be aroused by someone else.
Congrats. As a show of solidarity, I didn’t orgasm my first time either. Probably because of nervousness and the novelty of the whole thing (for both me and my girlfriend.)
I would say your inability to orgasm could be caused by your “familiarity” with your own hands. To put it bluntly, the sensations of a mouth or a vagina are probably more nuanced than whacking away frantically. If you are going to get a chance again in the near future, hold off on the masturbation and perhaps you will be more able to appreciate the sensations afforded by intercourse and fellatio.
I should also point out that not reaching climax from fellatio could just be because your partner is inexperienced as well. It’s something many have trouble with. (Just say “Hooray!” that your partner is up for it. Practice makes perfect and all.)
I feel quite stupid saying this, but I hope you are using condoms. Even if your girl is using birth control, people make mistakes like missing pills on accident all the time. You never really know for sure, either, if someone’s being both honest (about taking the pill) and faithful (preventing you from getting STDs.)
I think it’s likely you’ve conditioned yourself to respond to a specific method (masturbation), and coupled with some mild first-time anxiety it left you a bit unsatisfied. Perhaps you could ask your lady friend for some manual work next time, just to get you in the zone?
Guys really have it rough in this area in a way that women don’t as far as pressure to perform. Hell, I didn’t *ever * orgasm until 6 years into my sexual career, and that was with partner #5. But no one ever really had to know that unless I wanted them to, and it seems a bit more commonplace/accepted for us chickies.
Well hell, the trick most guys complain about is finishing too soon!
You can go too far masturbating, so much so that it actually damages your nerves. I faintly recall a cite someone here posted about how some guys masturbate “downward” on a bed. Because it’s so rough on the “little guy” it actually causes damage to your penis.
I find that if you don’t masturbate at least the day before sex, you finish too soon (or if you masturbate 10 minutes before sex, you can’t finish at all). I had a semi-embarrassing moment with my GF when I finished only into her 3rd orgasm and had to use the “clamp” trick, lest I become useless I told her I was saving myself for her and didn’t touch my self for a whole 3 days. Never again!
Nothing to worry about. The first time is likely to be totally atypical - was for me and I bet most other people. Now you’re over the big hurdle just get plenty of practice. Non solo practice that is.
Lots of guys don’t get off their first time.
(I didn’t either, but that’s a whole 'nuther story that would result in a thread hi-jacking)
Try to keep your hands off yourself for at least three days before your next “encounter” … A week if you can stand it… You might go off faster than normal the first time you’re with a partner…but the SECOND time will be damn good!
I did that before my first time. Not an advice I would give. It resulted of course in the opposite problem. I lasted some seconds or so.
First time is rarely a satisfying experience…
Refrain from masturbating for a while before the next encounter, or limit it if you can.
Over time, you’ll learn to control masturbating so that you do orgasm during sex, but you will learn not to abstain from masturbating because then you’ll fire way too early during sex.
If you are masturbating ‘heavily’, you might find you have staying power during sex, but not finishing.
Sex is cool the first couple of times just because you’re having sex. It doesn’t really start to feel great until later when you become proficient at it :).
I am quite skeptical of the fears raised above about whacking off so much that you damaged yourself. Mine would have fallen off years ago and I have a friend who would have sent his into orbit.
Not mentioned yet is the effect of a condom. If you were wearing one, (as I think we all agree is required in this day and age) the sensations you receive are quite different than you would be used to from self pleasure, and you would have much more staying power than you would have expected, and perhaps more than you wanted. Normal non-condom sex with wife and my little soldier salutes on command. A beer and a condom and I’m wishing I had been keeping up on my calisthenics.
And second the thought that oral sex requires skill on the givers part to allow you to shout Hallelujah! and it usually involves hands in equal portion to mouth.
This is utter bullshit. I’ve been fucking the bed/floor on a regular basis for 50 years now, and my nerves are just fine.
As to the OP, it’s still just performance anxiety. Even after 21 years of marriage, I still sometimes have a hard time having an orgasm because of a certain degree of self-consciouness. Don’t worry about it.
Also, I’ve read in a number of places (some years back, when I actually cared, so I can’t give a cite) that orgasms are different in some men in intercourse vs. masturbation. Actually, they are for me too. They’re not as intense in intercourse, but they last longer. Again, don’t worry about it. It is what it is.
As a show of solidarity, I didn’t orgasm my first time either. Probably because of nervousness and the novelty of the whole thing (for both me and my girlfriend.)
