I have the same situation and I see it as a positive thing…Since I know I rarely feel like I will “lose it” during sex, I feel less of a need to wear a condom. (If I have to wear condoms, I’d just as soon masturbate). That means there is a greater opportunity for her to cum. It also reduces the chance of accidental pregnancy.
My last partner told me that she sometimes wanted me to cum; I love that she just told me this directly and not made me guess. In those cases, I would basically just ravish her until I did (pulling out during the act) or masturbated while she watched and did ‘sex talk’. Orgasm during that kind of masturbation has always been heavenly.
Disclaimer: I am not a “one-night stand” type of guy; otherwise, I would definitely use condoms. Also, my parters all took some kind of birth control.
While the comments regarding performance anxiety, over- or under-stimulation, masturbation too soon or not recent enough are all probably legitimate observations that may bear on the topic, I would point out your related thread discussing the conditions under which you were operating. You say that you spent a week or so with a woman who persistently told you she loved someone else, nattered on about his sterling qualities, and explicitly told you not to fall in love with her, all the while that your imagination was working overtime to make the situation romantic instead of lustful.
I suspect that you just might have had a few conflicts rattling around in your head regarding your relationship. While it is true that a lot of guys (and some undefined number of women) can ignore the emotional aspect of sex for the sake of simply having fun, (stereotypically, all) women want an emotional investment in their relationships, but a significant number of men also need that emotional investment. It sounds to me as though you are one of those people and the distance that your lover was establishing probably did nothing to enhance your experience.
The OP sounds like a blessing, not a curse to me. Some of the best sex is on days when I’ve already masturbated twice. I mean, let’s face it. Giving pleasure is as great as getting it, and with the staying power afforded by a thoroughly choked chicken, you can give a hell of a lot of pleasure. (Our record is 32 orgasms for MrsFantsyPants, but those were extenuating circumstances and we were both younger, and had no kids at the time)
If this is an issue that doesn’t go away, count it as a blessing, make the most of it, and let the word of mouth spread. (Although sometimes “Tell your friends” isn’t the appropriate response to a satisfied customer)
tomndebb, you really hit on something here. I guess I had to hear it from another person, or maybe because so much is happening so fast this past week its hard for me to put it all together. She wanted it to just be a fling and goodness knows I tried to think like that because frankly what other choice did I have? She was fun to be around and all I could really do was make the most of the limited time I had to spend with her. I did learn a lot from the experience and sleeping with her was not unpleasant, but now thinking about the problems I had being aroused in the company of a woman who did not plan on investing anything in having any sort of association with me no longer seems like such a bad thing anymore.
Lotta other posts have good points. Just one extra thought - shared sex has an additional challenge besides performance anxiety. You also have to be thinking about how the other person is doing, and trying to make them happy. Even if there’s no anxiety about making that happen, it’s still occupying your mind. Calling it a distraction would suggest making the other person happy isn’t part of shared sex, so that’s not right. But it still makes it more difficult to follow that thread of thought and action in your own head that leads to orgasm. It’s a, what, competing priority?
