If there’s anything that sets my teeth on edge, it’s that empty-headed, imbecilic mallspeak – the language that says nothing in too many words. I’m trying to lose weight, so I’ll nauseate myself by trying to accurately reproduce a little of it below so that you know what I’m talking about:
“So we were all, like, you know, going to the movies, and I’m all, ‘I really hate that movie,’ and he’s all, like, ‘Duh! I’m like, SO listening to you,’ and I’m all, ‘GUY! You are SO not cool,’ and he went, ‘Like I SO care what you think,’ . . .” etc. etc.
Listen to too much of this and you will get simile poisoning.
I had always been under the impression that mallspeak was the language of the twenty-something California bubblehead. Then I met a young woman from Baltimore, the daughter of a wealthy physician, who spoke fluent mallspeak. Please tell me this plague does not involve the entire United States!
DrBadAss, sadly, there is nothing I can do about it except post a rant in this forum. You’ll probably see future rants on related subjects; indeed, I posted another one regarding grammar, which you will find elsewhere in the Pit. If you have a strong stomach for lecture-y English teacher rants, you may find it interesting.