You. Are. My. Hero.
Heads and shoulders above all the puns, my friend.
"Members of the jury, I submit to you that the prosecution’s allegations of drunk driving and vehicular homicide are completely unfounded.
Imagine if you’re driving along, obeying all relevant vehicular rules and regulations, when your passenger leans out the window and is suddenly decapitated. In shock, you might well drive home, get roaring drunk and pass out.
My client needs understanding and therapy, not a jail sentence."
What’re the odds that at least one juror will buy this?
Actually he’s got a strong defense.
Prosecutor – Why didn’t you stop? Why didn’t you call 911?
Guy – Well, I wasn’t drunk enough to think they could reattach a head.
Well, yeah, this is awful and irresponsible and horrible and everything, but I hardly get the idea the driver had anything even resembling a clue about what was going on. I’m sure he didn’t fail to do anything about it out of malice or callousness, he was just too amazingly shitfaced to figure it out. Imagine how he felt when he found out what had happened!
(I mean, a young man, full of potential, just trying to get ahead in life…)
Argh, I tried and tried and tried not to make a bad pun. 
Yeah, maybe the bartender should have cut him off a little earlier. Could have headed off the whole unfortunate situation.
Sorry couldn’t help it.
I finally got off work, and am ready to expound on my OP which was truncated, and now… well, I just can’t. The thread has been thoroughly and completely taken away from me.
Uvula Donor, that’s just gross! Ewww! I think I’m going to be…urph… sticks head out window
I think this is certainly good news for the automobile carpets cleaners of America. Nobody’s sticking their head out the window again.
I thought I read in another article that she was a baby, so she probably didn’t see anything at all or didn’t understand it.
Because people get decapitated?
It’s all fun and games until someone loses their head…
Meanwhile, I get drunk without that crucial “and then drive” step.
Dude, it’s all fun and games until someone loses a head.
“Goddammit, Daniel! Where’s your head at, man?”
“Hey! Get your head outta your ass! Oh. Never mind.”
“Dude, it’s just a little puke. Nothin’ to lose your head over.”
“If I had a nickel for every time some drunk asshole stuck his head out the passenger window and was decapitated and then his lifeless body remained in my car, spouting blood everywhere and then I drove home to sleep it off and - hmmmmm. Where was I? I lost track.”
She’s just a one-year-old and will likely have no clue what was going on.
There’s a photo of the driver here (it may require registration, you can fill in gobbledegook and it will work). He has hair missing from the top of his head where it looks like someone tried to shave it. Kind of like an inverse mohawk.
The bar where they were drinking offers a “courtesy van” so patrons don’t have to drive home. :smack:
Hey, if either of the jackasses in question had any principles, the one might still be alive and the other wouldn’t be in jail facing manslaughter charges. A few principle injections couldn’t have hurt either of these idiots.
Thank you folks, thank you…remember, there’s a two drink minimum. Sir, your beer looks a little flat. Can we put a head on it for ya?
Well, at least he wasn’t out of his skull.
Hey, maybe there’s a religious parable here. The decapitating wire is Jesus, and the guy’s temple is… the temple, and I guess that would mean his puke is the moneychangers.
Okay, I got nothin’.
I these motherfuckers who put their Halloween stuff out this early.
Can someone give me an explanation about the “vehicular homicide” charge? Doesn’t the blame for getting decapitated rest with the deceased? If he needed to puke, he could have asked the driver to pull over. I wouldn’t dream of sticking my head out of a moving car window, my momma taught me better than that.
All the driver did wrong was drive drunk and postpone dealing with the aftermath. I don’t see how he is responsible for where his friend’s head ended up.
For the record, I used “aldkjflajkdflakjdflkjaldkjfalkdjfalkjdf,” but that was already taken; so I settled for qiureqoiuerqiurquriquriuqroeiuqiru.
The car left the road drove into the wires a good ten feet away from the street. Those cables aren’t attached mid-road. Car car has to put a helluva lot of effort into driving up against them.
And check my earlier post. Police have said it is unlcear whether the passenger was upchucking or whether he got bounced around by the rough offroading style of driving and flopped to the side. (As yet, it’s not known.)
Bottom line, if the truck hadn’t been driving where the sidewalk ought to be his passenger would be alive whether he was hanging out of the window or not. He left the road and sideswiped the utility pole’s cable, tearing off his own rearview mirror as well as his friend’s head. You drive drunk, crash into something, passenger dies from it – vehicular homicide.
If only the driver had continued on, stopping first at a topless bar, this story would have been perfect*.
As it is, it sounds like a future “News of the Weird” item, a Darwin Award, a “Law & Order” episode, and – should South Park continue on until its foursome gets to high school – yet another way to dispatch Kenny (I’m picturing Cartman as the driver.)
- As in the famous tabloid headline: “Headless Man In Topless Bar”.
POW! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the Sno-cone concession!