Today’s story is about PATRICK, BEVERLY, AND JONATHAN, three 30somethings who have been friends since college. Patrick and Beverly are married with two kids; Jonathan is divorced and childless. All three have professional degrees; Patrick and Beverly have a combined income of about $125,000 a year. By contrast, Jonathan hasn’t been working a professional level for over a year;the industry he worked in took a major downturn, and he was not only laid off but could find nothing comparable. Between that and a nasty divorce in which his unfaithful wife cleaned out their savings before leaving, he’s very broke.
But not indigent. Beverly and Jonathan were always very close (hough never sexually intimate), so when things got really bad for him, she insisted that he move into her and Patrick’s spare room. This annoyed Patrick. He’d never been as close to Jonathan as his wife was, and he had intended that room for his man-cave; he agreed because he wanted to keep his wife happy. The spare room has a separate entrance and Jonathan brought a hot plate and small refrigerator with him, so the impact on the running of the household was minimal. Jonahan offered to pay rent but Beverly insisted that he not, as he was working a somewhat menial job during hte day while taking classes t night for a new career.
Plans for the new career have just been put on hold, but for a happy reason. Jonathan’s just won the lottery, and in a big way: a payout of about $100 million after taxes. Tellng his friends of his good fortune only after everything was settled , Jonathan presented them with a check for $30,000–covering he said, twelve months of free rent and utilities, not to mention quite a bit of food.
Beverly was happy with this windfall. Patrick was not. Giventhe huge fortune Jonathan just acquired, and the fact that they kept him from being homeless for a year, $30,000 doesn’t seem to express nearly enough gratitude. He’s not going to ASK for more money, but the fact that Jonathan couldn’t pony up at least a million pisses him off and makes him want to dial back the friendship.
Do you think Patrick has a point? Why or why not? How much money would you give Patrick and Beverly if you were in Jonathan’s shoes?
As a neutral observer, I think Jonathan is being incredibly stingy. But I don’t believe Patrick had any right to expect anything more, and getting unexpectedly reimbursed for a year of their trouble is a nice thing to have happen. The only other thing I might expect if I were in Patrick’s shoes is that Jonathan be there to help us should we ever find ourselves in need the way he was.
If, however, I were Jonathan, I would make sure Patrick and his wife were financially comfortable for the rest of their lives. I can’t imagine passing on less than $10M under the circumstances.
Jonathan should be generous to people who took him in with his friends who apparently rescued him from near-honelessness. Before I saw how much he offered, I thought $50-$100k sounded about right. Maybe $30k is a little on the low side, but it isn’t a slap in the face.
Patrick is a jerk. His frienemy won the lottery, not he. There is no circumstance to expect a million dollars for his good deeds - he ought to receive compensation for his costs plus some kind of a gift, but expecting a gift that’s thirty times greater than his costs is totally unreasonable.
Answering my own question: I wouldn’t have asked for anything more in Patrick’s position, nor would I have voiced my concerns to Beverly, if only because her best buddy for whom she was already willing to massively inconvenience herself is now a jillionaire. But in Jonathan’s case, I’d have bought them both new cars, paid off their mortgage, settled a million dollars on each of them separately, and set another million as as a trust fund for their kid. But I’d announce this oly with my new girlfriend at my side so as not to seem to be hitting on Beverly.
Patrick should be ecstatic that the guy is moving out of his house and he and his wife are $30K richer, and if they remain close friends, they’ll probably get a lot of free high-quality dinners and vacations.
If I were Jonathan I would be a lot more generous (maybe pay off their mortgage, or make a college fund that adds up to a full ride for their kids, or something similarly meaningful and very helpful), but no one else is entitled to that money. I don’t think Patrick has any reason to be upset.
Patrick does not have a point; he has no business expecting more money. If I were Johnathan, I’d pay off their mortgage and build Patrick the man cave of his dreams, at a minimum. Probably slide a million or so into their accounts, too.
I think $30K is a reasonable amount to pay for a year of rent and utilities, and Patrick has no right to ask for more because $30K is already more than he would expect if Jonathan hadn’t won the lottery. So Patrick is kind of a dick. However, with 100 million, the very least Jonathan could do is pay off their mortgage. So he’s kind of a dick, too.
Jonathan doesn’t have to share anything. The arrangement had no strings. Beverly didn’t ask for rent. Patrick went along. If Jonathan eventually got a job and moved out, would he be expected to pay back rent? I don’t think so. If so, my old (now ex-)friend owes me a ton of money.
The sooner people stop being greedy the better. Other people’s lottery money is not yours. Nobody owes you anything!
Now, whether Jonathan should have been playing the lottery instead of budgeting his money better, and whether Beverly should have charged rent, and whether Patrick should have put up with this are all valid questions, but not the one asked.
You mean “Jonathan.” That extra h is an elvish corruption; Ill have no truck with it. Next you’ll be spelling “money.” with a b after the m. :mad:
Patrick isn’t asking for more money. He’s just pissed that the amount offered is, relatively, trivial, and so is considering dialing back the friendship.
Beyond generously reimbursing them for all expenses, inconvenience, and opportunity costs they incurred by putting him up, there is no “right amount” for Jonathan to have given the couple: no matter how much he gave them, Patrick always could have been bitter that it wasn’t more.
$30K is fair and I would not expect more. But I think Jonathan should still give them a thank-you gift like first class plane tickets to Europe or something.
That being said, I know many people that wouldn’t have given Beverly and Jonathan anything.
Untrue. If Jonathan had given Beverly a million smackers, and given Jonathan a bullet in the brain (delivered by proxy, of course), Patrick would not have vbeen bitter about anything.
:: lights cigarette, then realizes he can’t smoke while the faceplate is on and doesn’t smoke while it’s not on, wonders why he ever buys cigs in the first place ::
The thing is, never give anything away with the expectation that it will be paid back. Understandably he’s a bit bitter because he didn’t really want him there in the first place, but he’s not entitled to any of the money. That said, $30k more than covers any expenses a room for a year could cost in all but the most ridiculously expensive places. So, really, getting ANYTHING is nice and they should appreciate it as they’re not entitled to any of it.
At the same time, if you get $100M and a really good friend had your back when times were rough, in his position, I’d have given more than $30k. I don’t know if I would have given them $1M like he wanted, but being a good friend, I’d definitely make sure I took care of them, even if I HADN’T been down on my luck and needed their help. After all, part of the joy of that money isn’t as much going out and splurging on material nonsense, but seeing how I can use it to make the lives of the people I care about better, not to mention making an impact in the community. So, trying to control for my expectations based on the OP, I probably would have settled on offering them a little more, maybe in the 50-100k range, with the thought being that since they opened up their home to me, I can probably either help them pay it off or at least make a solid dent in the mortgage. But even that would intend on who else is in my life at the time and what other plans I might develop
Isn’t this a standard sitcom trope? Patrick stews about it for a while, he and Beverly finally bring it up to Jonathan just as the letter indicating their house is paid off/two new cars/trip around the world/other fantastic gift that Jonathan had been planning as a surprise arrives?
I think Jonathan’s a giant asshole in this circumstance. Patrick and Beverly kept him off the street with no strings attached. He could have died. Street living ain’t easy or fun. Friends like Beverly and Patrick are rare indeed. Seriously folks, consider how many people are going to open their homes to someone who isn’t family on an indefinite basis. Heck - most people wouldn’t do this for family.
This makes Jonathan’s money comes across as a slap in the face. A crumb. The bare minimum. They treated him like family. He ends up on easy street and sends them a thank you note. I think based on their extended friendship and what they were willing to do for him, Jonathan should have done a lot more for them. As Skald notes, true reciprocity would be providing them a home as Beverly and Patrick provided him a home. I’d think more along those lines. Yes, J-man is going to have a long line of people with their hands out, but Bev. and Pat. are actually deserving.
I wouldn’t know. I do not now and never have in the past owned a televtion, and hav never heard of Jack Tripper, Cosmo Kramer, or Ted Mosby. And I only know Phoebe Buffay from her work in porn.
I think 40k is the maximum gift without having to inccure taxes (eta: apparently it’s 14k per so 28k plus 14 for each kid) so I probably would have wanted 40 instead of 30 but besides that it seems like a wholly appropriate gift.
Of course now that I’m buddies with a multimillionaire I expect him to pick up the tab at dinner from now on and give nice presents to the kids at Christmas and birthdays but I don’t expect their windfall to become mine. If I was the millionaire I would be pretty pissed about an attitude expecting more then compensation plus random friendship gifts. For instance when I was rich i bought my best friend and his wife a weeks vacation in the Mediterranean for their wedding present, that would be a normal Christmas present if I had 100 mil in the bank.
