I recently saw the movie “Friends with Money” and there’s a part when a wealthy woman briefly considers whether or not to give 1 million dollars to one of her not-so-well-off friends. This got me thinking if giving money to friends is something rich people do.
Scenario:
You and your closest friends all have relatively low salaries (< $25k/year). Some of your friends struggle financially. Suddenly, you find yourself rich through legitimate means. Maybe you found a winning lottery ticket, or inherited money from a grandmother you didn’t know was rich, or hit the jackpot in Vegas, or started a business and some mega-company decided to buy it from you. Whatever the reason, after taxes and fees, you find yourself with a lump sum of $250 million in cash.
Part 1:
Would you ever give an amount greater than $1 million to any of your closest friends?
If so, how would you approach the subject without sounding condescending? Would you be afraid of insulting your friends who might perceive the offer as charity?
If not, how would you handle the fact that you can now afford most anything while your closest friends were struggling to pay their bills each month? How would you respond to a friend who “jokingly” suggested that you give him a couple million?
Part 2:
The roles are reversed. You’re struggling to pay your bills each month and a very close friend now has $250 million in the bank. Would you expect him/her to give you money? Would you be insulted if you were offered money? Would you ever consider asking for money, and if so, how?
Part 1: No. I am not a money fountain. I’d be quite free about picking up tabs and springing for movies and other excursions, but I’d no more expect to support people than I expect my wealthier-than-me father to support me. (Aside from expecting him to pick up the tab, I mean.)
Part 2: No, I wouldn’t ask for money, and would actually be confused if it was offered. I would expect him to pay back any money I’d loaned him, though.
I don’t think I’d give a large lump sum to friends, but I would be tempted to do something life-changing like pay off their mortgage for them.
As for Part 2, having had a somewhat similar experience with a well-off family member winning a very expensive house, I’d say that I would expect nothing and I would ask for nothing. You’re less disappointed that way. And no, I wouldn’t be insulted if I were offered money - I’d say thank you and take it gladly.
Sure, why not. Recently there was a big $50 million jackpot here and hubby and I actually bought a ticket. We made a list of everyone we would give $1 million to. We told some of them right up front. My one friend has been trying to reno her place for about 2 years and I said we would give her a million just so she could finish it and quit bitching.
I wouldn’t ask, 'cus that’s just obnoxious, but if someone said, hey G - here’s a mill! I would take it (assuming there weren’t any weird conditions or whatever - e.g. no sex with Robert Redford, etc).
This really happened to me and it is something I have thought about a great deal. The answer is absolutely not for everything except in some very specific circumstances. I already made up my mind never to get married again because of this. Money screws up relationships even when the people involved have the best of intentions (Exhibit A: the M.C. Hammer syndrome). Never trust anyone if you have it because the most honest woman will become a lying whore if you leave your bank statement out. Males and even the intersexed are even worse.
The most adults are going to get are some nice tips if they are in the service industry or maybe get treated to some really nice meals or a party. Young people might get an anonymous scholarship to college. A puppy might get the surgery it needs to live. It could be to save a memorial Oak tree or restore a WWII era airplane for instance because that is the stuff I like.
Everything else goes to future generations as best I can arrange it. I don’t really care very much about people that aren’t closely biologically related to me or, much better, descended directly from me so finding the will to enforce this isn’t much of a stretch.
1.) I would pay off the student loans of my closest friends. We’re all at least a good $40k in debt and I know the feeling of being back to 0 would be an awesome feeling, it’s the least I could do for my friends. I would go from there, depending on the person. I could cover a lot of friends just by getting rid of their student loans and they’d probably be appreciative.
Shagnasty, I’ve wondered about giving large sums of money to people if we actually did come into some serious money - I agree that it would change things negatively. There are just too many stories of big money bringing out the worst in people. You give money to some people, and it’s not enough, or there are a bunch of other people who don’t understand why they didn’t get their piece of the pie, etc. Nastiness.
I’d start funds for all of their kids for college, pick up tabs, and pay off mortgages.
I wouldn’t expect anyone else to do the same for me, though. I have a pretty simple rule in life: I expect more of myself than I expect from others. I’ll go the extra mile for pretty much anyone, but I don’t expect them to do the same for me.
I’d pay off mortgages and cars for a number of my friends. I’d also set up college funds for their kids, or add to them if they already existed. There’d definitely be some travel in there as well…
If anyone outright asked me for money, they’d get shut down quickly.
As for the second part, I wouldn’t dream of asking them. But I would take it if offered.
I would give away a certain small amount up front, but very little of it would be in outright cash. Certainly none of the Stoner Dreaming “Man, I’ve give all my friends a million bucks, a house and a new (insert cool car here) and we’d all party all day long! WOOOO!!!” bullshit.
The flaw in that logic is several fold. One is that it distorts your relationships. It also creates the image of you as the Money Font. If Mike invests and lives off of it, but Billy-Bob pisses it away, you can bet your ass that Billy-Bob is going to bounce right back into your face asking for more money, claiming he’s learned his lesson and if you’ll only give him a second shot, blah, blah blah…
You’ll also be enabling a whole lot of people with that thought in the back of their head, who would probably already piss that money away if they had won it themselves. Imagine giving ten stoner friends a million bucks each and then watching six of them piss it away and demand more, or killing themselves with heavier drugs, liquor…and bringing other unsavory people into YOUR life who will likewise be thinking you’re a mark to be sponged off of or stolen from.
And that too, you’re now a Mark for every con-man and especially for every leech you even remotely know, or who can ingratiate themselves with your friends.
And then there’s the friends that you DON’T give money too, and their jealousy and anger that they were not on your gift list.
Looks attractive from certain angles, but this would be the absolute WORST possible curse that you could bring upon yourself if you fell into massive wealth.
If I give most of my siblings $10 grand (except for baby sister, who gets the $10 million mentioned upthread), but leave out my oldest brother, then he’ll be all, “Damn it! Why are you being that way? I’m never talking to you again, heathen!”
Then I say “I’ll pay you $10,000 to sign a contract to that effect.”
Nope. I’d be generous with picking up the tab, etc. But I wouldn’t give anyone a large lump sum. All those reasons Chimera listed, plus gift tax.
Nor would I ask, unless there were some sort of dire emergency that could be fixed by money. But I would be pissed if he expected to go dutch on pizza.
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer;12743211You see that as a bug; I see it as a feature. :D[/QUOTE]
Ah, but that is FAMILY.
I have a bucket load of cousins that I haven’t seen, not once, since the age of about 21. You can bet the load that they’d all be lining up outside my door asking me for money, and I can promise you that NONE OF THEM will get so much as a single penny.
As for the idea of paying for everything and being insulted if people think they’re giong to pay…I’d be insulted if everyone just assumed that I was going to pay for every little thing whenever I was around. I’ve had leech friends who did that because I made more than them, and I swear on God’s Balls that I have heard “But you can afford it” for the very last time. Expect me to pay, or worse yet, destroy or damage my property and utter those words and I eject you from my life with the speed and force of a rail gun.
I have one friend I would want to give money to. She and her husband have been very close friends for 20 years, so I am quite confident that they would not change as a result of the money.
However, I would do specific things for them, like pay off their mortgage and their student debt, and take them on nice vacations. I would pay for their children’s educations. I think giving lump sums screws up relationships on both sides. I know that I personally would not be able to resist judging them for how they spent the money. And they would probably resent any judgment on my part. So it’s better to give directed gifts.
It matters what kind of a relationship you have set up, and this sort of thing can be very situational. It also matters whose idea it was too - you can invite your friends out on your dollar, but you can’t invite your friends out on their dollar - they have to initiate that.
For the most part I’d never consider just giving lump sums to my friends. I’m richer then some friends and poorer then others. Even if I got 10 million dollars tomorrow I wouldn’t want to change how I treat my friends.
If I have more money then any given friend I’m more then happy to pick up the bill or cover more then my fair share. As many of my friends have highly fluctuating income who is more wealthy at the time can change from time to time. I might go through a few years of always buying on nights out then find their fortune has changed and instead they are buying for me. In general it doesn’t balance out buy I and my friends tend to be OK with that either way.
If I come into a windfall I’d consider investing in some of their businesses but I’d expect to be paid back if the business succeeds and would steer away from a project I think would fail.
If a friend came to me in dire circumstances needing money I’d likely help them out. I wouldn’t feel any guilt however letting them struggle by making 20k a year. If they know me well enough that I consider them a friend I doubt they’d ever suggest I just give them money. If they did I might offer means for them to get money from me(like a highly paid job cleaning my house) or sit down with them and come up with a game plan on how to improve their life(pay college costs so they can try for a better job etc.)
If a friend simple expected money from me because I was rich I’d tell them to go pound sand.
If one of my friends came into the money and I was struggling I’d continue to struggle. I wouldn’t ask for money or even suggest it. If they offered money I’d probably accept it and if ever possible would pay them back even if they protested against it.
And no, I wouldn’t be insulted if I were offered money - I’d say thank you and take it gladly.
