Years ago my mother gave me a useful piece of advice, “Don’t mix money with friendships.” I have only violated this personal rule once and that under extreme circumstances. Fortunately it didn’t cause any problems for our friendship.
I would consider using my money to do helpful things for my friends but never hand them substantial amounts of money. I don’t consider money to be an appropriate gift.
Sure. But, I only have one “best” friend. The rest, probably not.
Nope, I wouldn’t even ask.
I might make it clear that I’m available for assistance if assistance is truly needed. But no, I wouldn’t be handing out unsolicited cash gifts.
I’ve been on the poorer end of friendships with people much better off than me and I’d have taken it as very condescending for them to just start giving me money.
That said, I’d probably be generous on activities. I’d want to do things I could afford and doing those things with friends would make them much more fun and so I wouldn’t want a lack of funds to be the only reason they couldn’t join me. So if, for example, I wanted to do a big Caribbean cruise and I had friends I wished could join me I’d let them know that I’d cover whatever they couldn’t afford if they’d like to join me (but I’d understand if even that would be uncomfortable).
I’m by far the best off in my immediate family so when it comes to gathering for holidays and stuff I let them know that getting there is more important than who pays for it so I’ll cover whats needed to get that gathering, but it has never even occurred to me that I might just start writing checks to people for no specific purpose (I gave my sister enough money for a needed medical procedure but I’d never have just given her that same amount of money just to boost her income).
It was about five years ago and I’m tired, so forgive me if I don’t go into detail. When my wife and I were driving across country a few years ago, we got into this conversation.
We figured out that if we won X amount and created a LLC to manage and invest the the funds, we could make friends and family (I think it was twenty-three people) employees and give them a forty-two thousand a year salary without touching the principal.
If my math and legal understanding are correct, that’s what I would do. You get X a year. If you don’t like it, sell your shares back to the LLC, get your minimum amount, and DON’T whine about it.
Another vote for giving the best gifts and picking up the tab all the time. The best gifts would be diamond earrings and gold coins - pretty liquid.
It’s interesting reading what people would do: pay off college loans, pay off mortgages, college funds for the kids. It’s important the Big Gift doesn’t get wasted, isn’t it?
For me, the Big Gift is the Roth IRAs - friends, family, and especially the kids. Let the kids learn some responsibility by paying down debt, I’ll be damned if I’ll pay a house that’s better than mine, and never put money for college in the child’s name.
But just imagine a life where you know a nice little retirement cushion is growing for you - makes those student loans and killer mortgages a bit less stressful, doesn’t it?
When we were kids my best friend and I actually worked out a plan depending on how much we’d share if one of us were to win certain amounts. We were both very generous!
Shame neither of us never won, but if one of us did win it big when we were younger she never would have had this amazing job and family she has now and I definitely wouldn’t have found my Mig or made my Bella so it’s probably best the dreams remained dreams.
I have 0 income right now (yes, I am worried) and have 1 person I could call a friend, instead of acquaintance. He has no income either and yes, I would give him money.
If it was reversed, i would never ask for money, but would hope he would help a little.
I would give my best friend that much cash. He’s been there for me when times were tough, and I love him unconditionally. Of course, I’d stipulate that he HAD to get a personal trainer (his weight is out of control, and he was healthy/fit when things weren’t so tight).
I have other friends that I’d help out in smaller (but significant) ways - one of my SO’s best friends has a 20 year old car; I’d get him a new car (and pay the taxes) and give him a lump sum so he could get an apartment instead of living at home while going to school.
I’d never expect anything, though. I grew up with plenty of money and I know it makes some people nuts.
Interestingly, I was just watching a documentary on HBO today about people who win the lottery. The situations ranged from a family who moved to an affluent community and treated the management of their wealth as their new job to some crazy paranoid old guy who slep with a gun because his family was trying to kill him.
My answer is “no”. I would not give any money to anyone. I would help out for real emergencies, but as a general rule I wouldn’t be throwing money around.
I would set up my newfound riches to provide steady income, move to a nice appartment in Manhattan, maybe get a shore house and a ski house. A few cars. Then for fun, I might open small vanity businesses to see if I can make them profitable.
I like the retirement fund idea for people, too. I guess where I (and a lot of us, apparently) are coming from is that I’m not adverse to helping friends and family, but I’m not keen on turning them into leeches who expect to live off of me and do nothing with their own lives.
Doubtful, though I would probably pick up the tab a lot.
I do have an old friend I would look up and buy a motorcycle for if possible, but that’s only because my stalker ex bf took his and destroyed it. Technically I was not responsible, but I have always felt like if he was not my friend back then he wouldn’t have gotten caught in the crossfire. The bike was paid for with cash he had saved up working 2 jobs and he didn’t have full coverage, so it was a total loss, and while we all knew who was responsible it was impossible to prove without witnesses.
Otherwise, trust funds for the kids, strict allowance for myself and my husband.
It’s fun to fantasize about having say, hundreds of millions and being able to give everyone you love a million dollars, but human nature being what it is? People are likely to think they can keep asking for more and friendships will suffer.
I’ve thought about this. I might give some money to particularly deserving friends, but most likely I’d develop something that all my friends would like to be involved with, and they get to be a part of it. Without being specific, perhaps paid work in a startup company, or a free service provided for them (while others would pay). Something along those lines.
My instant thought was yes. But no matter what, it would change the dynamics of the relationship.
A million would go a ways, but you would suddenly go from being this person’s friend, to being their means of a living (unless they kept their job and just used the mill to supplement their income, which with a million, who could/would do that?). NOT that that would necessarily make my answer no, it’s just worth thinking of. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Now, family? That’s another story. In a heartbeat.
Close friends and family - pay off all their debts. Set up college funds for those that need it, then it’s helicopters and Ferarris for me.
I’ve read stories about folks that have won multi-million dollar lotteries. People come out of the woodwork looking for money, and when you pass out money to some friends and not others, you lose those other friends. Folks sue for more money. Folks sue because you gave them money, they did something stupid, and it’s your fault for giving them the money to do it.
I’d keep the money to myself, but I’d grab the checks when we ate out, and if one of my friends got into serious trouble I’d try to help out.
I would not give money to friends. I would, however, give money to both sets of parents and my brothers and their family. But that would be it.
Why is it such a binary question? Would I give them millions of dollars? No, of course not. The hell? If someone is struggling to pay the bills I might be willing to help out and cover the remainder for a few months… I would probably pick up the bill if we order a pizza and that sort of thing. Am I going to turn into some kind of human lottery ticket? Hell no.
I’d donate millions to charity though.
Not me I’d taunt them with them. I have me a list and a lot of people better hope I never win the lottery
No direct handouts. First thing I’d do in any case is to set up a trust or similar legal entity. I’d help out a few family and friends who aren’t doing that well right now, pay a couple of personal debts I’ve never been able to clear. I’d set up a couple of relatives who have supported me in various ways over the years so that they don’t have to have such sparse retirements as they do.
Other than that, I’d invest in my friends and family, but I wouldn’t give them money. Want to do _____? Sure, I’ll fund it, but you’re going to draw up a business plan and figure out how to pay back my investment in you. I’m not about to give out the proverbial fish when I can provide fishing poles and lessons in how to use the damn thing instead.
I wouldn’t ask for a handout. There are a couple of business ideas I’ve been wanting to try out, but I probably wouldn’t be able to get independent funding, a loan is unlikely, and no one I know has that kind of money available. In this circumstance, I might put together a proposal and take it to my friend/relative. But I would absolutely not ask for money for no particular purpose, and with no intention of paying it back.
I don’t know about simply giving money. But I do wish I would be extremely generous, routinely picking up tabs, maybe paying for group vacations/expensive get-togethers and the like.
Another possibility would be if I “hired” them to perform various duties - like my friend the CPA could be my accountant - at grossly inflated salaries.