You want to look tough in a bar? Order milk and see who has a problem with it.
Black Jack tasted good to me long before I could stand the taste of beer, but why force a vice on yourself?
Forego the drinks with silly names.
Since you don’t like alcoholic drinks that have a distinctive taste, order vodka on the rocks. It has no taste and you don’t sound stupid ordering it. “Vodka, rocks.”
Plain, simple, no taste, and refreshing in a biting, cold sort of way. Plus, you can always just quietly move over to ice water when you’ve had enough and no one will know.
For more on the fine art of drinking alochol, please see esquire.com, which has a whole big database of drink recipes, histories, and stuff.
Dirty - What’s a Gorilla Fart?
Mostly bananas, I’d say! 
Seriously, I had to ease way way back on the drinking, because my consumption of manly drinks (mainly single malt scotches) became too hard on the liver. Plus, I spent too many days called in sick to work and that kind of thing.
One drink that I used to drink when I wanted to do a bit of all night maintenance drinking was the 7 & 7. Seagrams Seven (or better yet, VO) and seven up. Little bite, kinda sweet, and the rye is almost completely masked by the soda. Good drink and it won’t get you into trouble…no waking up in strange places for you. :eek:
Hell, if you don’t want to drink… just tell your friends you’re on the wagon, then you can brag about how hard it is to quit and play real man.
If you do drink, drink what you want, not what they want.
I usually drink beer (when I decide to drink), but sometimes I just order a Captain Morgan’s and pineapple because they taste good.
I used to be in the same boat many years ago. Still don’t like beer, wish I did, so much easier. But I still wanted something I could drink along with my friends. They suggested a Vodka Collins, which is basically lemonade, club soda, and vodka. I find vodka is the least pervasive of alcohols and mixes nicely with most things. The collins is sweet to the taste but sounds cool when you order it.
Something that doesn’t sound as cool but is even tastier is an Amaretto Sour. I don’t know how to describe the taste but the color is dark so it looks more manly and it tastes great.
I don’t mean to tell you what to drink…but it’s beyond me why you’d buy a fine, expensive bourbon like Knob Creek, and then put ice and soda in it. If you’re going to mix, stick with the cheaper stuff…you can’t really taste the difference if it’s mixed with 7-up, can you?
I used to be a bartender and I also suggest gin and tonic although it is slightly more appropriate in the summer than at other times of the year. One good thing about gin and tonics is that you almost always get to select your gin which adds an air of sophistication to the process. Bombay saphire is best, Tangeray is always respected, and Beefeater will do in a pinch. DO NOT cheap out and order house gin. Nasty will a capital “N”. Gin is one of the few mixing liquors in which brand matters.
Other good choices are 7 & 7 (sounds cool to order) and rum and coke (not distinctive but no one will ever make fun of you for drinking it).
I’m gonna have to go with the “drink what you want” crowd. I refused to drink beer for years until some friends introduced me to something that actually tasted good. Once I got over that hurdle, I started trying some others and Watney’s Cream Stout, Guinness and Murphy’s have become my favorites. Whitman’s Pale Ale is one I would recommend to anyone. Smooth, mild taste that is still flavorful. If I ever ordered liquor, it was almost always margaritas and sometimes bloody marys and I never cared how wussy I looked. I figure what’s the point of drinkin’ if you can’t enjoy it.
And if you really don’t want to wimp out, order a Russian vodka. It’s made for drinking straight – and the Russians generally gulp it instead of sipping. Hits you pretty hard though.
Then there’s always Beam’s Choice (smooooth). 
For mixed drinks, try a gin and tonic. Perfect for the summer.
VO Manhattan, neat and sweet. DON’T let them put a cherry in it, or it immediately becomes a little girl drink. (I order it with two cherries, but then I’m girly.) They’re very smooth, and if you order them sweet the extra sweet vermouth really helps them go down easily. Just drink SLOWLY.
I disagree with anyone here who says you should order a drink with a mixer (gin and tonic, vodka tonic, etc.). If you truly care what your friends think you’ll never get by with a g&t while they’re drinking scotch rocks.
They mostly taste almond. There’s sours mix involved, so there’s that, too…but still. Mostly almond.
Well, I’ll just re-submit that answer I attempted to post a while ago…I’m so tired of the server eating my posts.
Personally, I like single-malt Scotch whisky. Don’t ever make the mistake of asking for “a scotch” without being specific - you’ll get cheap paint stripper with ice cubes. A good Single-Malt Scotch Whisky will be pricy, but worth it. I try not to drink anything less than 18 years old, and there are only a couple of brands I like.
Jameson’s Irish Whiskey is a very tasty, smooth whiskey and might be a good “manly” drink for you to experiment with - especially if you can’t stand harsh drinks. Whatever kind of whiskey (or whisky) you drink, don’t pollute it with ice cubes. It’s meant to be enjoyed at room temperature.
Now, if you want a manly mixed drink, go read all the old Ian Fleming James Bond novels. Bond’s drink of choice isn’t a Vodka Martini, it’s an Old Fashioned. You can’t get any more manly than James Bond, and a well-made Old Fashioned is tasty, too.
You could, of course, use your creativity to invent drink names and continue to drink “girly” drinks without seeming like a wimp to your drinking buddies. Example follows:
YOU “Bartender, I’d like a Crazy Ivan.”
HE “I’m sorry, a what?”
YOU “A Crazy Ivan.”
HE “Fraid I’m not familiar with that one.”
YOU “That’s ok - how about a Roman Legion?”
HE “Hmmm… I don’t know that one either.”
YOU “Really? How odd. How about an Aluminum Eclipse? A Warthog? A Wild Weasel?”
HE “Sorry, I’ve never heard of any of those drinks.”
YOU (sounding irritated) “Well, then, how about a Fuzzy Navel? Can you make one of those?”
HE (defensive) “Of course I can!”
YOU “<sigh> Fine, then, give me a Fuzzy Navel…”
HE “Coming up.”
YOU (to your friends) “Can you believe this? All this guy knows how to make is a freakin’ Fuzzy Navel!”
Then, enjoy your less-than-macho drink while still appearing “worldly” and “macho” with your friends none the wiser. Be sure to tip the bartender well if you use this method. Maybe you should clue him in beforehand, just in case you wind up naming an actual drink that he knows how to make.
Just stick with the “wussy” drinks. Peple will really get on you case if you dirnk something too “manly” and puke all over the bar or dance floor.
Not that I know from experience or anything…
Oh Morgainelf, we are going to go to the mat over this one! The OP has a legitimate concern here. Appropriate drinks for the appropriate setting are well within the realm of protocol and etiquette. It is necessary to know what is acceptable to drink during a given occasion for both business and social occasions just as it is necessary to know what shoes are appropriate to wear. If he didn’t care at all what other people think then he could show up in a suit and Nike’s and drink Sex on the Beach all night long. He asked the question so this is obviously a concern.
One thing that should comfort the OP is that Scotch on the rocks is a really, really old persons drink and it makes anyone less than 50 look like a big dork when ordered. I used to snicker so hard when a twenty-three year old used to order scotch on the rocks at any function I bartended. I loved to hand it to them and say “Ok Clark Gable, here you go”. It sounds like the friends are trying a little to hard to be sophisticated which actually makes them look ridiculous unless they truly have some unusual tastes that I have never seen before. It has always been just posing.
Morganelf has a good point. If you’re trying to match up with scotch drinkers, a mixed drink just won’t do. I love gin and tonic, but it isn’t the same as a gin martini.
There are a variety of straight alcohols that can be tried on the rocks. Jaegermeister, Rumplemintz, BlackHaus, even vodka, or martinis, pick one you like and give it a shot. The schnapps liquors have a lot of flavor that helps to mask the alcohol smell, I find they go down a lot easier than something like straight vodka. Can’t touch scotch, blech, horrible stuff.
Oh Morgainelf, we are going to go to the mat over this one! The OP has a legitimate concern here. Appropriate drinks for the appropriate setting are well within the realm of protocol and etiquette. It is necessary to know what is acceptable to drink during a given occasion for both business and social occasions just as it is necessary to know what shoes are appropriate to wear. If he didn’t care at all what other people think then he could show up in a suit and Nike’s and drink Sex on the Beach all night long. He asked the question so this is obviously a concern.
One thing that should comfort the OP is that Scotch on the rocks is a really, really old persons drink and it makes anyone less than 50 look like a big dork when ordered. I used to snicker so hard when a twenty-three year old used to order scotch on the rocks at any function I bartended. I loved to hand it to them and say “Ok Clark Gable, here you go”. It sounds like the friends are trying a little to hard to be sophisticated which actually makes them look ridiculous unless they truly have some unusual tastes that I have never seen before. It has always been just posing.
I must be a 50 year old person in a 38 year old body. I like Scotch on the rocks and don’t know that anyone has ever given me a funny look when ordering it.
I love a good Scotch, but would never drink it on the rocks. But then again, I’ve always been accused of being old for my age. I’m 30 and have loved single-malt scotch since I was 26. Nobody has given me so much as a smirk when I’ve ordered it, and I’ve introduced a couple of my friends to the joys of a good single-malt. I even got a double for regular price once because the bartender was happy to see somebody finally order a decent Scotch from him.
Maybe it’s the silly ice cubes that make it an “old man’s drink” in Shagnasty’s opinion.
Guys:
He’s in Calgary. Hardly a hotbed of Bourbon choices. Jack or Jim B. is probably all you’ll find in a bar.
Steel:
Don’t be coerced into drinking something you don’t like. You gotta respect someone who can spend a night in a bar and not drink alcohol. That’s pretty manly.
Drink something that looks like it, if you don’t want to hear the bullshit all night.
Alternate solution, if you have a car: Volunteer to be the designated driver. Then drink whatever non-alcoholic drinks you enjoy. If your “friends” tease you about it, remind them you’ll be ferrying their sorry asses home. 