Should Jack keep his job? His employers are bigots.
No, Jack should not honour his wife’s request and tell Janet the truth. If Vicki is really sorry, she ought to be willing to tell the truth.
At last the voice of common sense. Some of you seem awfully quick and ready to rush to divorce court. Yikes. I guess “for better or for worse” is passe and marriages are more like going steady in school for a lot of people.
Well, “for better or worse” wasn’t in my wedding vows any more than “obeying” was, so yeah, passé about covers it.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t take the vows I did make seriously - there was something in there about “supporting each other” - tell me, do you think fucking over my friends should count as “support”?
Shouldn’t have to be. I would hope it’s a given.
No. Do you think you should automatically run to divorce because of it?
If Vicki felt strongly enough about this to rat on Janet, she should have the courage of her convictions and tell Janet. Either she believes what she did was right, in which case she should own it, or she doesn’t, in which case she owes Janet a huge fucking apology. And Jack ought to adopt an “either you tell her or I will” strategy.
Marriage counseling would be the next step at the very least. This marriage is already broken; only Jack and Vicki can decide if its salvageable.
It’s not so easy to throw away a marriage, even when a spouse has done something as nasty as Vicky did. Just saying “dump her ass” or “get a divorce” doesn’t take into account what a big deal that is for most people.
But…
There were already some red flags here. A wife who’s jealous of a pre-existing friendship. A husband who doesn’t trust his wife enough to tell her that his friend is gay (apparently with good reason). I wouldn’t give up on the marriage just like that, but there’d definitely be some serious talks and much soul-searching to determine the future of the relationship.
As for Vicky’s request to keep her betrayal a secret, Jack’s answer should simply be “I’m not sure I can do that.” He doesn’t need to go running off and volunteer the information to Janet; indeed, it may never come up. But agreeing to lie if confronted with a direct question from a good friend is too much to promise, even to one’s wife.
One final thought: Not that it excuses Vicky’s actions, but Janet signed a contract that said (presumably) that she could be fired for being a lesbian, and the school found out – however they found out – that she’s a lesbian. That’s a chance she took, and it was probably unrealistic to believe nobody would ever find out. So, lesson learned for Janet. She should seek out a more tolerant employer now.
It would appear to be for some people here. Yikes.
Well said. There are definite problems here, but it’s about more than the specific issue at hand.
I was tempted to mention this but figure the “don’t be a hater/you oppressor” (blah etc) would come up. :rolleyes:
I don’t know what you said in your vows. Don’t care.
The thought that my spouse would rat out my friend saddens me greatly. In Jack’s place, I would have a long discussion with my spouse about her homophobia and the fact that she just ruined someone else’s career due to her own fear. Then I would suggest she get help dealing with her fear. Then, I would tell Vicki that I cannot say for certain that I would not tell Janet but that I would not be the one to bring the subject up. Keeping a secret is one thing, lying to avoid the honest answer is another.