Ok, I’ll keep this short. A coworker of mine whom I’ve known for a very long time recently told me that she had started dating someone who works in the same office as my girlfriend. This person who she’s dating is an alleged cocksmith who’s reputed to have slept around his office quite a bit.
Now my coworker tells me she’s been on several dates with this guy, only telling me because I’d know him. I also know that this guy is married and has two young kids. My coworker is recently divorced, not that it matters.
Should I say something or should I just mind my own business?
I’d be surprised if she didn’t know, but I’d say, yes, tell her. It’s a piece of information you possess that she should know. After that, though, stay out of it.
I agree that if you have reason to believe that she doesn’t know he’s married, you should tell her. And then back off and stay the hell out of it no matter what else happens.
The next time the two of you are talking about him, just casually say “Are you aware that he’s married?” The answer will either be yes or no, and either way don’t mention it again.
If she already knows and she is a little hot, I would suggest you try to hook up with your coworker too. It sounds like she might be a wild one and up for just about anything. The first professional job I had at a big company had all kinds of stuff like that going on. I was too young and naive to partake myself but everyone looked like they were having a good time.
Well that’s the thing, my expression when she told me must have given something away, because she asked “Why, what’s with the face?”, but I said it was nothing because I didn’t know if I should have said anything.
If she doesn’t know, she’s going to find out sooner or later whether you tell her or not. I’d stay out of it - unless you’re good enough friends with her to bring it up without making it seem like you’re just being nosy.
I bet she already knows. How can you not after the first few dates?
“We can’t go back to my place, my roommate’s a real pig.”
Means that he either lives at home with mommy or is married.
She knows.
Maybe she knows and just doesn’t care. When I worked at the police department there were a ton of people like that. Wasn’t just girls with married guys, there were guys will married girls.
I would definitely mention it, because I wouldn’t want to be the person, months later, that she comes to crying, saying “Why didn’t you tell me he was married?”.
Tell her, then your conscience can be clear. What action she decides to take from there is her own business.
I’d tell her. As this thread shows, people can be amazingly blind about the negative qualities of the people they’re dating or considering dating. If she hasn’t been dating him long, it’s not surprising to me that she hasn’t been to his place yet. They may be following the old model where he picks her up at her place.
If she already knows he’s married, there’s no harm done if she’s a reasonable person. If she doesn’t, she may be grateful to you for letting her know so she can adjust her opinion accordingly.
I would also have suggested that you let her know about his being a “notorious cocksmith”, but, if she continues to date him after she finds out he’s married, presumably she isn’t interested in a long-term relationship or fidelity.
Look, if it were me, I’d want to know and be grateful to the person who told me.
I, for one, am occasionally extremely dense about some aspects of other people’s lives. I tend to accept folks at face value unless it’s screamingly obvious otherwise, so in the OP situation, I’d be grateful for the marital status information. In fact, there were a couple of occasions in my very naive youth when I wish I’d *had * that information.
I don’t see the harm in mentioning it - “You are aware he’s married, aren’t you?” or “Hmmm, I thought he was married??” or “Gee, I didn’t know he and his wife broke up.”
