Or your wife.
Thinking about Tiger Woods’ trials, I got to wondering this. When is it OK to tell the spouse of the married person that her husband (or his wife) has been cheating with you?
Obviously this is a wide-open question. It seems to me there are two main categories: you, the Other Man (or the Other Woman) knew your partner was married, or you didn’t know. I’m not going to try to set it up as a poll, but just for the sake of the discussion, when is it the right thing to let the cuckolded spouse know they’re married to Cheaty McCheaterson?
My thought is that once a person undertakes to cheat on his or her marriage they pretty much lose all rights to complain about the conduct of their partner in crime. So I don’t see it as wrong to tell the offended spouse what’s happened, regardless of whether or not you knew going into it that she (or he) was married.
Bonus points for adding and contrasting the same-sex question: if you’re a man, having a sexual relationship with another man who is married to a woman, does that change the initial calculus, whatever it was?