My SO has a mate who is married and having an affair with a much younger woman which has been going on for a number of years.
The girlfriend has no idea that this guy is married and apparently can’t understand why he is reluctant to marry her.
The wife conveniently doesn’t like fishing, so he always takes the girlfriend along and my SO (don’t worry, rich friend has very big boat).
My SO is reluctant to take me on fishing trips with them because he thinks I may say something. I’m not all that keen to go on a trip with a couple who are cheating anyway, but as I have never met them, I hardly think it is likely I would say something.
However, what would you do if the girlfriend asks you an awkward question that in answering would reveal her boyfriend’s marital status?
I would first ask why my wife is friends with such a clear jerk-bag. You are who you hang out with and all of that. Futher, why is your wife ok with such a situation (that’s how it seems in your OP). And even futher. . . are you sure your wife isn’t in on it? I mean, her fear that you might squeel seems like a mighty cozy excuse to get you out of the picture for a weekend. Two women, one man, a big boat. . . yeah.
But, all that aside, yes, I’d tell her. Of course, me telling assumes that she is totally innocent in this whole thing and has no idea-- if that’s the case, she definitely ought to know. I also wouldn’t worry about this pissing of jerk-wad, as I wouldn’t be friends with such a person.
I would tell the girl without any hesitation. Might seem shitty on some levels but your SO friend is a shit head. I would also be suspicious of your SO hanging out with this dirt-bag. I would say bad company is being kept.
Jim
It seems strange that they would be together for so long that the woman is wondering why Cheater won’t marry her … I mean, has she never been to his house? And if not, how could she not know? Does she wonder why they only hang out when he’s fishing or whatnot?
If I were in the woman’s situation I would want to know. How many years of her life is she supposed to waste on this waste of a man?
Uh, yeah. Quick question. If your wife won’t let you go on these trips, how do you know that this guy’s girlfriend is going?
Or on second thought, how do you know that she even exists?
I don’t know if I’d tell someone on purpose, but it would only be a matter of time (like possibly 20 minutes) before I let it slip without thinking about it. "Hey, this is a great martini! Remember that time I had seven martinis at your wedding? That was crazy … oh! Ixnay on the eddingway! Er, sorry 'bout that … "
Not picking on you, but why is there an assumption the SO is a female. I got the impression the SO is a male?
Jim
Ahem, agreed. I just reread. My bad. Oops. All that good stuff.
The points all still stand if we change the pronouns (and change it to two guys and one chick).
I am surprised, it looks like we all agree. I thought I was being a dick.
Jim
I’ll ask the girl - what good reason might there be for him not to marry you…
I’d tell in heartbeat. But I’d use very small words and speak slowly because she’s clearly not very bright if she hasn’t figured it out yet.
I’d tell her. A few years ago, I’d met a guy who seemed like a really great guy, so I asked mutual friends if there was anything I should know about him. One of them told me he was married. He went from great guy to cheating scum.
Here’s one thing to consider. Sooner or later, this guy’s wife is going to find out about the girl. Do you think the wife is likely to believe his girlfriend if she says she didn’t know he was married, whether or not that’s true?
I’d tell her. Then I’d hold him down while she bashed his brains in.
I’d tell her in a heartbeat. I probably wouldn’t wait for her to ask. She’s getting screwed in more ways than one, and that’s just not right.
I would totally nark him out. I wouldn’t even wait for a fishing trip. I’d call her right now.
What is the right thing to do?
I’d call the wife first. No one seems to be worried about her. The guy’s rich with a big boat? Not for long.
Then I’d call the girlfriend. Isn’t sex under false pretenses called rape, or something like it? That’s what my long ago (and almost forgotten) Catholic school education tells me.
[QUOTE=cookeze]
What is the right thing to do?
I’d call the wife first. No one seems to be worried about her. The guy’s rich with a big boat? Not for long.
Then I’d call the girlfriend.
No. It’s exploitive maybe, dishonest, insensitive and skeevy but it isn’t rape. Let’s not exaggerate things more than necessary.
The reason the creep doesn’t tell her he is married is he thinks the girl wouldn’t consent to having sex
with him if she knew the truth. In other words, she is not able to give informed consent.
Now this probably doesn’t meet the criminal definition of rape, but morally, I think it is.
Now to get back to the OP. I’d tell on that rat bastard, no question.