Many years ago my mothers mother committed suicide. I think it happened Jan 1, 1961, not certain. She did so by jumping off of a bridge. It has always been a thing that we have never talked about. I don’t know why she did it. I’ve always wanted to ask but I know it’s something that would upset my mom if I brought it up. I was born in 1970. I have never seen an obituary or a news article or anything.
What got me to thinking about it tonight was we were talking on the phone about my brother and how when he was little the kids picked on him, called him retarded and things like that. You know how mean kids can be. My brother is slow but I don’t think he is retarded. In the middle of the conversation my mother brought up an incident that happened in 1995. My mother was in a beauty shop getting her hair done when another lady was talking to the beautician and stated “Her mother jumped off a bridge and killed herself”. Evidently it was someone that knew my mom. Mom came from a small town where everyone knew everyones business. But I assume it made headlines. I asked mom what this had to do with what we were talking about and she said that people used to make fun of her about it. I assume things like “Her mom was crazy” and stuff like that. We didn’t say anymore on the subject.
So my question is this. Is there anyway that I could go online and find an article about it seeing as it has been so many years ago? What about a website that may log dates of death and stuff like that? I have thought about asking my dad but I can’t ever get him alone to have that kind of conversation and it is really bothering me now. I would like to get just any information. I don’t even know what bridge she jumped off. I know hubby’s grandfather was murdered a really long time ago. I think he has a better chance of going to the local library and maybe looking on some micro film or something, but I live 500 miles away from where my grandmother took her life so going to the library for me wouldn’t help. Any ideas would greatly be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Can you use the internet to contact teh relevant local libray service and local newpapers, then check whther they would e-mail you obits or news articles about it for a small fee. I can’t say I’m sure they would but it is very much worth a try. These days, i think a good reference library is likely to do t hat.
Best of luck - I hope you find the stuff. (btw - I suppose threre are no other family members who could help, or you would have done that already )
Hmm, jsut a thought - if grandmother’s old home town has a local webiste or two - you jsut might be able to find a local person who would go to the library for you?
Do not avoid this question, don’t try to do an end-run around your mother - ask her flat out: “why?”.
Your are an adult, and of an age when mortality becomes a real issue. There were many questions I never asked, and to which I know no answers - I know I have cousins on my mother’s side, but we never met them (father was an abusive sob, and mother let him keep her from her family and loved ones) - to this day, I have no idea of mother’s sibling(s)’ kids.
Avoid having such gaps.
Try GenForum or Geneology.com to find out how to access that kind of stuff. If your last name is sort of unusual you might even find info posted if someone down the line is researching the family.
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Good luck!
Celyn, I hadn’t thought about checking out the local library online. Maybe I could e-mail them and get an answer. My mom has one full blooded sister that she isn’t close with (not close with). And one sister that had the same mom but not the same dad (not close with, know only her first name). I thought she was my moms real sister but found out in 1987 when my grandfather died that he wasn’t really her dad. I thought that this might have been the reason that my grandmother killed herself. Had an affair, got pregnant by another man…that is assumptions though.
DantesTenth, there was some kind of falling out in the family, long before I was born. I wasn’t allowed to see my grandfather neither was my brother and didn’t even know he existed. I think my dad kept my mom away from her family but it wasn’t because he was abusive or anything. Something just happened and I don’t know what. Then one day dad said mom could take me to see him and she did. He was a really great man and I loved him dearly. He passed in 1987. I think I knew him for a year and half maybe before he died.
zoogirl, I’ve tried ancestory.com (sp?). Can’t come up with much. I will try the genealogy one. Hubby said there was a mormon website that logged every death. He thought it would just have date of birth and death but can’t seem to find what he was talking about. No she wasn’t mormon, but apparently you don’t have to be for what he was talking about.
The local paper, geneolgy sites, etc. will cover who, what, where, when - in1960, suicide was not discussed, so there is little chance that the question of “why” will be addressed by any such resource.
Only the people who were close to your grandmother can offer any insight into the real question you have - you know her name, location, the date - the newspaper might include the time of day, and the exact location (which bridge), but only close friends and family are apt to know details of her situation.
Again, you now have the opportunity to get answers to your questions; time will eventually preclude the possibilty of asking them.
Do it now. Deathbed conversations really are depressing.
You don’t indicate what state this was in, but here in Minnesota there is an online index of death certificates (available here). You might look to see if this is available in the state involved.
There won’t be a whole lot of information in the death certificate, but it will give you some info to start with. Like the exact date & location, which may be helpful in searching newspaper records, etc.
It may upset your mom to talk about it. Comfort her. But I think you have the right to know.
Depression [and therefore suicide] may run in families. It would make sense to ask where you stand.
I could not possibly agree with this more. I’m 23 and I’m just starting to ask the questions that I always wanted to know but was too afraid to ask when I was growing up. Believe me, I have gotten some answers that really bothered me and I have at times wished I did not ask those questions but I know it is worth it in the long run, as it gives me a better picture of who my family is and where they came from.
One thing I’ve learned in the course of asking these questions is that my elders probably would have answered them years ago, I just would have had to have asked.
Unfortunately, I have lost three of my four grandparents in the last two years so there are some questions that will never be answered.
Time is of the essence whether it seems like it is now or not. You are 34. Ask.
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