I’m so sorry for all of your losses and losses-by-proxy. You’re right; that’s just too much.
My depression is so, so bad right now, and I love my husband but he’s pretty clueless about how this all works. I came home from an appt with my psych nurse the other day and told him I was going up on my Wellbutrin. His first question was, “do you have to?” I guess that means I’m doing a good job at hiding the fact that I think about suicide every single day. And he asked as a genuine question, not a judgey one. But I just said yes, I do, because my brain is broken right now.
Sorry to hear you’re going through tough times, lorene. I’ve felt similar to that in the past, and I know that it often feels like anything anyone says to you doesn’t help, so I’ll just say to you, I hope you feel better soon.
My rant? I’m done with this semester. School has been taking over my life more than expected, work has been a gong show and my brain just wants to ignore it all. I have less than a month to go, I can make it but 2 classes and full time work is lots and one class isn’t even class class it’s just work (which I already do) and two reports (one of which is done). But why did I do this? Who knows. Oh yeah, I want to be done with school so after this two more classes and I am all done.
And of course now I am wondering if I’m pregnant or stress is getting to me. I don’t have any of the symptoms I had with Velociraptor but I’m wondering so I bought a test because even though the chance is minuscule, it’s not nothing like it was the last time my body went silly.
Bugfuck. I have not had a cold in almost 3 years. I went to the Cheech and Chong/War concert at Foxwoods last night and got overly tired and came home with a sort of croupy feeling. Woke up this morning with full on hacking mucus out of my lungs and sore throat. Not that I accuse it of coming from going out last night, I am certain mrAru brought it home from work, it is just that perhaps getting overly tired dropped my immune system just enough to let it get a toehold. =(
extra {{ hugs }} for **Indyellen **and **lorene **from me.
How on earth did you and Lucky ever get by before acquiring Buttercup?
Ultra uber mini, but: need new glasses but I’ve been procrastinating on tracking down a new optometrist and making an appntmnt., taking the time off etc. I finally kick my ass into gear this morning … and the Aetna site – which just let me log in earlier today to check a minor claims – is suddenly giving me an Error 500 message and not letting me in. It’s like it WANTS me to not be a responsible adult!
“Sorry, Universe. I tried to be a grown-up, but the Error 500 screen won’t let me!”
I know eh. Apparently I’m not depressed because I don’t have anything to be depressed “about.” But isn’t that the very definition of clinical depression, an overall “down” feeling that lasts for months for no discernable reason? Finally sucked it up and went to the doctor last week and said I was ready to try an antidepressant again (last one made me fat and fatigued). Her answer? It’s SAD, you’ll be fine in two weeks. I’m a middle-aged woman, I think I know how my brain works by now and when something isn’t right.
I thought I was going somewhere to get help and it turns out I was wrong.
This is a bitch not many people are going to get behind, but I got subtly screwed in the new CIOs re org of IT, . Yeah I know many people have no jobs at all, and manyh others haven’t seen a raise in decades, but I feel like whining
It’s a bit hard to explain, but they changed from 3 ranks of my job to 4.
But let’s say there are twelve basic levels of ability at my job 1-12. I’m pretty good at it, me any my boss have the same idea that I am about a 9 since I’ve only been there for 4 years, so I’m essentially blocked by people of higher seniority.
So ranks used to be:
1-4 = widget maker jr
5-8 = widget maker
9-12 = widget maker sr.
Now they are
1-3 widget maker I
4-6 widget maker II
7-9 widget maker III
10-12 widget maker IV
They also have continued a policy of collapsing to the rank mean salary. So within an rank if you are low paid, there is a multiplier factor over 1.00 applied to your raise to bring you closer to the mean. If you are over the mean, there is a factor under 1.00 applied to your raise to decrease it.
When I was hired as Widget maker sr, they were not able to over really competitive starting salaries, but one of the selling points was that starting low in the rank you would get a large + factor and get to where you expected to be fairly soon.
But now I’m stuck at the high end of widget maker III, and getting a negative factor to the raise I earned this year.
And with the new system there is an 18 month freeze on even considering promotions. I hate to stir the waters at a job I like, but the positive factor lost vs the negative factor added is really pretty significant, and will compound next year at least since I can’t get promoted then either. And it is eating at me pretty good.
Nothing like a nice game of “find the smell” to liven up a dreary spring day…
It was a mouse, that had electrocuted itself inside the dryer - where the pigtail connects to the unit.
On the bright side, I scrubbed the utility room in the process of trying to find the smell, and (hopefully) blocked the mousies’ method of entry by duct taping the hell out of the gaps around the dryer vent. And I found the mouse after Tony got home from work - he’s not much help around the house, but he will dispose of dead things for me.
Ridiculous. If there were something concrete, would she say, “Oh, it’s situational. When [situation] clears up, you’ll feel fine!”
I’m always very afraid of gaining weight on meds. (I was one of the first patients my old psych had on Seroquel. AT that time, weight gain was a ‘rare’ side effect. I kept telling him, this is making me fat! 25 pounds later and, oh gee, they just came out with a report that Seroquel does cause weight gain…) But right now, I feel like I’m approaching the top of an incline on a roller-coaster ride, and the descent doesn’t usually look too pretty…
My coworker is leaving. I have been looking for a job since I graduated last August and she is the one who got a new one. Now, she has been working at the company for five years, part time, when they offered her a full time position, but it’s damn depressing all the same.
I love you to pieces, but you are being a complete, narcissistic, unapologetic ass. And the martinis don’t help. I am not ill in a deliberate attempt to put you out. I took care of you when you were ailing. But now that I have problems, it’s because I’m not “stepping up to the plate for myself.” My daughter is in the hospital tonight, but instead of emotional support, I have to hear about how incompetent I am. Fuck this.
Just had to get that out. I have literally no one in real life to vent to. Why, because you alienated my few friends, distanced us from from my family and yours in physical and emotional ways, and then we had to move. What the hell does that sound like.
Agree with Chimera, plus you should also think about what kind of example this is providing for your daughter. She is going to grow up thinking this kind of stuff is OK.
Oh yes, I’m looking forward to that bit. And to have an actual bump rather than just an oddly lumpy bloated torso
Thank you!
Thank you! My coping strategy at the moment is “eat even if, no ESPECIALLY if, you feel queasy”. Lots of plain dull carbs, toast, breadsticks, pretzels, muesli bars…
At the moment she’s in “oh, babies are so cyooot!!” stage, but I suspect not being the only child and centre of attention will be hard for her. And good for her too
She wants a sister. I’m… undecided as to what I want, I just want to know already so I can start nesting dammit!!
I’m pretty sure that “I just had it in my hand” and “Let me put this somewhere I can find it later” are the same place, and both are inaccessible from this dimension!
