Motherfucking bronchitis.
Dear Mother-in-law:
You are such a dear, sweet lady. Please don’t pull the passive-aggressive crap on me, though - if I’m telling you about the baby’s birthday party, and giving you directions (30 miles from your home, as opposed to the 100 miles it would be if we were doing birthday party at my house,) don’t ask “Am I invited?”) You are a really nice lady - please don’t try to morph yourself into a bitch. I can out-do you on “passive-agressive bitch” with both hands tied behind my back - don’t start with me!
Love,
Me
Work has slowed to a crawl around here in the last month. We’re all sitting around twiddling our thumbs, except for my co-worker, a sweet elderly lady, who is performing an experiment to see if it is possible to talk someone to death. I am her guinea pig, and believe the answer to be yes.
I normally love it when legislation comes out, especially related to health reform. But, dammit - can’t they do it on my schedule? Don’t they know I’m busy, for Christ’s sake?! A little courtesy goes a long way. 
**Cat Whisperer, ** I’m glad to hear the dementia will set in alongside the other issues.
My post in the Happy Thoughts forum wasn’t happy enough. Now I’m not happy. Oops. I forgot to swear. Fuck. Happy now?
(Damn, I just managed a whole conversation with myself while writing that post. I have had way too much caffeine today.)
The dementia is setting in early with this one. 
When this happens, I find it helps to think of Apu from the Simpsons -
Ned Flanders: Well, morning Apu. How are the little blessing?
Apu: Owhh, they’re a ravenous sworm of locusts just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling, and two have cradle rash. How do you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?
Ned Flanders: [chuckles] They can be a handful… of joy.
Apu: Shut up!
Ned Flanders: They fill your lives with…
Apu: SHUT UP!
Ned Flanders: [quickly] Can’t put a price on a miracle.
Apu: I can’t believe you won’t shut up!
Shame on this man.
*"A man arrested in a domestic violence case is jailed on suspicion of strangling his girlfriend and cutting the words “do not resuscitate” into her chest.
Nathaniel Simon, 54, was arrested Tuesday by Whitman County deputies and jailed for investigation of assault and unlawful imprisonment. He appeared in court Wednesday and his bond was set at $500,000.*
How did he think he was going to get away with obtaining DNR status without a legal witness?
Maybe he forged two signatures underneath and the article just didn’t mention it.
I know it’s April but WTF…
My two months WARN Act payments ended after 3 weeks. Thanks a bunch.
I’m not sure what it says about me, but my first thoughts on reading this were, “Wow, that’s a lot to cut into someone’s chest,” and “He knew how to spell ‘Resuscitate?’”
Maybe you should find yourself a lawyer. 
Maybe he wrote “DNR” and they just assumed. It could be he has a serious grudge against the Department of Natural Resources.
Ummm … you have company. I thought the same. :eek: (I’m pretty sure I would have misspelled it, as blood and gore do not currently come with autocorrect.)
I’m pretty sure that I’m not the ass in this story, but I’m sure there are people who will see it otherwise, if only because they treat old people like children.
I stopped at the grocery store for some cheese and bananas. Waited patiently in line behind many old people. No problems. Some days it’s like they bus them in to that store or something.
After paying for that stuff, I step up to the service counter. Short Old Guy (SOGgy as we will now refer to him) is pulling the “This is the only thing I have to do all day” slow poke crap of slowly picking out scratch off tickets. Pick a couple, pay for them, look over the rest and pick a few more, repeat until the Universe dies, because he’s got nothing better to do. He finally stops and steps slightly to the side.
Next guy goes up and buys some lottery tickets. No issue at all. SOGgy is still standing there looking over the scratch off tickets, occuping half the service counter.
Clerk asks me what I want. I start to step forward. SOGgy steps sideways to occupy the entire counter. I pause to see if he’s noticed that she’s attempting to assist me. Nope. She asks me again. I say “I’m sorry, I don’t want to yell over the top of someone.”. SOGgy doesn’t move. I clear my throat. SOGgy doesn’t move, is still pouring over the scratch-offs.
“Sir, are you done yet?”
Takes him a couple of seconds to react.
“Yes” (dirty look at me)
“Then can you clear the counter please?”
“Why don’t you wait for your turn?”
“It IS my turn”
Clerk giving me a dirty look the whole time, person behind me going “oh geez” and rolling not just his eyes, but his whole head and upper body to show “Oh crap, why does someone have to do this?”
SOGgy very deliberately takes his sweet time to walk across the front of me giving me the evil eye the while time, then picks up the pace for the door.
Sorry, but NO. I’m not going to yell my order over the top of him, try to hand my money over his shoulder, and get my stuff back the same way.
Yes, he’s old. He is not a child. He’s old enough to know better and for me to expect a little courtesy out of him rather that obstructing the service counter, ignoring the people behind him and preventing them from servicing their customers.
Grow up, pay attention, step aside when your business is completed.
I had trouble spelling it in my post - I thought I’d see the red squiggles after I typed it out.
A couple of Christmases ago, I was in a long line at Sears to pay for some crap; an old guy marched up to the cashier to pay for his undergonch. The cashier told him the back of the line was (way) over there. His response was that he didn’t want to wait, and hers was basically, “Tough shit.” It was a beautiful Christmas moment.
Don’t you understand that he’s ENTITLED to take his time? HE has nothing better to do than to get out and inconvenience other people, and they should be glad to put up with his slowpokery!
And actually, in at least some assisted living facilities, they DO take the residents out for a shopping trip. They usually have vans that they use for this purpose. The residents look forward to getting out of the facility for a couple of hours. The residents plan what they’re gonna do, to the least detail.
I don’t understand why the clerk was giving YOU the stinkeye, though. You weren’t the one who was trying to block other people from using the service counter.
Why can’t you empty the dishwasher completely instead of just taking cups and leaving the rest for the dishwasher fairy?
THERE IS NO DISHWASHER FAIRY THAT WORKS HERE. AND SCRAPE YOUR DISH INTO THE TRASH WHEN YOU’RE DONE.
I was this close to punching out the bitch sitting behind me at the movies today. Throughout the entire film her and her friend kept kicking the back of my seat and the man sitting to my right, and everytime we would tell them to stop, they’d get all huffy and say “I’m sorry, I’m tall! I’m just crossing my legs.” Well you fucking cunt, apologies mean shit if you keep on doing the offending action. She wasn’t even that tall, maybe 5’8". And yet men who are easily over 6 ft can sit without kicking the seats… hmmm, nope you’re just a selfish cunt.
And ushers don’t do shit. The man next to me went to tell the ushers twice and nothing happened.
shudder The way my brain works is when I read something or hear a story I visuall imagine people acting out the parts. So I just imagined the guy cutting into that poor woman’s chest :o.
I wish when I went house/apartment hunting that people would just be honest. Yes, I realize that some people liberally use the word “bedroom” when they mean “large walk in closet”, but either you have a dishwasher or you don’t. There’s really no beating around the bush with that one.