My husband and I got married when I was 27 and he was 31. We had our baby last summer - I was just under 31 and he was 35. We’re planning on starting another one this fall or winter, then we’ll be done. I’m glad that we had a decent amount of time with each other before we dove into this adventure.
My brother had his first child while he was in law school. He’s in his late 30’s now, with a 14 year old, and was quite enjoying seeing all these older first-time dads with the bleary eyes and the wan skin. What a surprise it was to him when my sister-in-law informed him they were expecting again!
Anyway, congratulations and have fun making a baby!
I’ve been married nine years and I’m 37 (hubby is 38)…so I got married (for the second time) at 28. (I’d met my husband when I was seventeen - we just took a while to discover we were supposed to be with each other instead of the jerks we’d both been with). We started trying to have kids within six months, but the fertility gods were not with us either.
We had to be married three years to adopt, and our son arrived home shortly before our forth anniversary. I was 32. My daughter was born nine days before my 33rd birthday (surprise!).
Tips for older parents - being a parent is tiring and exhausting - and there is a reason your biology wants you to do it when you are 22 instead of 32. But some of us were too busy getting our lives together (and dancing all night) to bother with children then. So the downside is that I think its more exhausting to do it older than younger - and your body doesn’t seem to bounce back as well from pregnancy if you do it in your 30s. On the other hand, by the time kids came along, our careers were in good places, our bank account was comfortable, we were in a house we were likely to stay in for a long time, and we’d gotten bored of dancing all night.
The other tip I have is face up front that your fertility isn’t what it might have been. Hopefully, you’ll get lucky and the baby will be born in January of next year…but if it doesn’t look good after a couple months (six), talk to a doctor - and talk about what you want to do before you talk to a doctor. I think fertility choices are best made in the abstract, and not under the pressure of “I must be pregnant NOW!” - although you should reserve the right to change your mind between now and then. The fertility rollercoaster is not a fun one - and all the choices you may make at the end of it (remaining childless, pursuing invasive fertility treatments, or adopting) are acceptible.
We met in 93 and married in 99.
We began to try to have a family when I was about 30.
After a year of not having any luck, I went to a specialist. It turns out it was a good thing I went because of my fibroids having a child would have been near impossible - in short, we would have been wasting time. Two surgeries later we were sucessful!
We had our daughter in December.
I am glad that we waited because I think we are both better parents at our age.
Every kid is different. Sleep has not been a problem in our home. It is true that your world changes like nothing you can imagine. I have really changed, as a person. I like the person my daughter has made me.
My only advice is to not wait so long in regards to trying. If, after a year nothing happens, see a doctor. You could like me, have problems that make having a child medically impossible.
I have to agree with dogbert on being young enough to enjoy grandkids. When my youngest kid turns 18, I will be 40. I got married in March 25, 1995 and had my son August 25, 1995. So we waited 5 months. Also, the money thing is right on target. We have just recetntly began to be financially comfortable.
We found out last October the DAY before our 5 year wedding anniversary that we were going to be parents. We’ll have our first child on June 15th, if the due date stays static.
We met in 1997, married by 1998. She’ll be 30 on February 26th, and I’ll be 29 this September.
(Wish me luck…I’ve got no kid experience whatsoever.)
We met in January of '99 and married August of 2000. Threw out my birth control pills in on our anniversary in August of 2001, baby arrived 2 weeks shy of our second anniversary when I was 29 and he was 32. She’s now 18 months and we are going for another one this summer.
Many of our friends were surprised that we went for it so quickly after being married, but we are so glad that we did. It is hard and exhausting etc, but our kid is such a delight and adds so much to our lives. And we both went into marriage that we were looking to build a family, not just a couple.
We got married when we were both 22, right out of college. We knew we didn’t want kids right away, and didn’t have a set plan for them. We were both young and the first years of marriage were an adjustment in themselves, despite having dated a long time. After a while we started feeling like we were open to the idea, then a while later it became a real desire, but we both had secure jobs and bought a house first (not a necessity, but something I personally wanted before starting a family).
Now I am 26 and he is 27 and I am 20 weeks pregnant with our first child. I am glad we waited the 4 years, I feel much more secure in our marriage and in my own desire to be a parent. I don’t know when exactly the feelings started changing from “children someday” to “now”, but it was a definite switch when we felt the time was right.
The time is different for everyone, I am glad that we had the luxury of waiting and having time to ourselves first - I know not everyone gets that. I still feel young enough to not panic about my age being a factor on fertility, but then again age is not the only thing that affects that. Having seen friends our age go through infertility had made me much more aware that fertility is not a given. Money was also a factor - we are far from wealthy now but we are certainly better off than we were even 2 years ago. It just gives you more options - I will be working part time when the baby is born and taking my full maternity leave allowed, something I would not have been able to afford if we had children right away.
We are currently alternating between impatience - we want to know our baby, July is so far away! and terror - my god, are we really doing this? July is coming so quickly!
Good luck with your babymaking! Let us know if / when you guys are expecting!
We were 21 when we married. Got pregnant a year later unintentionally.
I’m glad we did it this way because I want to be young enough to enjoy myself once the kids are out of the house. I don’t want to be going through menopause and have to deal with a teenager at the same time
He had just turned 27 and I was a month away from 30 when we married. I got pregnant during our belated honeymoon (the week of our first anniversary) and I was 31 when our daughter was born. We tried for another, but 'twas not to be. All of the women in my family had fairly early female problems followed by hysterectomies, and I was no different. Actually, I was the first, so I didn’t know it was to be a trend.
I’d have liked another, but now that our one and only is about to leave for college, I’m kinda glad my sweetie and I will have time for ourselves.
Mrs. Kunilou and I had the princess two years after we got married, and the Kunilou twins came along 2 1/2 years after that.
We were in our 30s. The best thing about having a baby in your 30s is that you know what your work is like, and you can start planning your maternity leave, how to prep your replacement, your return strategy, etc.
You can also resign yourself to the fact that your plans won’t work.
My wife and I were married Feburary 6th 1993 at aprox 3:30 p.m. on Maui. We spent the first night in a Hotel in Kaanapali about 15 minuites from the Church.
They waited until they were 34 and 32 to have kids. Their first, me, was born a month after their 10th anniversary. Within 5 1/2 years, they had four of us.
When we tease them about being older than some grandparents I know, they just smile and say they have never regretted waiting to have kids. They waited until they were ready. And, back in the 1960s and 1970s, this was not a popular choice. But it was the right one for them.
We were 22 and 23 when we got married after I graduated from college. Our first child was born 2-1/2 years later (25 for me) and 2-1/2 years later the second one came along (27 for me). I always intended on starting having my kids after two years of marriage, and was fortunate that everything worked out. I figured it was better to have the babies when I was young and strong and healthy. I’m 46 now, and one of my girlfriends (same age) just had her first child…I can’t imagine having one myself at this age, but she and her husband of just a few years are delighted, though in their Christmas picture they look exhausted!
If we had waited longer to have kids we would have divorced earlier and I probably wouldn’t have found anyone else to marry and I’d have no kids now…so I’m glad we didn’t wait. Since you never know what the future will hold health and fertilty-wise, and since you can have a career til you keel over, why ignore your window of opportunity if you want the kids?
I can’t imagine it any other way. We had the " Selfish Us" Years to piss away our money and sleep. Now we are a family unit and it is the coolest thing ever and the best ride of your life.
Well, our oldest turned 16 last June, and we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this past November, so you can do the math on that one, no?
As far as having problems when you’re older, Phlospher, I can relate. I was 25 when I had my first, and got pregnant in spite of birth control. The second was planned, and took all of 3 weeks to conceive, had her when I was 29. The third one was planned, but we didn’t start until I was 36, and it took us almost a year to conceive!
Best of luck! Being a parent sucks sometimes, but it rocks more often than that!
If we get pregnant this year, I’ll be 54 when my son or daughter is a sophomore in College. To me that is no problem whatsoever. I don’t plan on still teaching then…I will most likely be full on into my business. As long as I am old enough to enjoy my children and see them excel at whatever they do I am happy. Wow…our house is fixing to get a lot louder!
I was 21 when we got married and we waited three or four years before trying for kids. It was another three or four years before my daughter was born (with an unsuccessful pregancy two years before that). I was 28 at that time. Eleven and a half months later my son was born.
It doesn’t always work out the way you plan, but it’s all worth it in the end.
but I was in a fairly analogous situation to yours, waited, and we got divorced when our kids were very young…
We met at 16, married at 27 in grad school, and decided to have kids when we were 33 and both had landed tenure-track jobs, so you can’t really say we leaped into having kids hastily. But our disagreements seemed so much more important after having kids–“You want to criticize my very being in a thoroughly obnoxious and self-centered way? Well, okay, I’m a grown-up, I can handle some unfairness in life and I married you for better or worse [thinking: but you show my child that same behavior and we have a serious fight on our hands, bitch.]” And the fights came, almost immediately upon having our two little girls.
I still wouldn’t give up having had kids–it is a wonderful experience, not only feeling your child’s love but feeling love for your child–but I wasn’t nearly gettting the protection I wanted by shoving it off to a later stage of life. So if kids are what you want, there’s no time like the present.
We’ll have our first child on June 15th, if the due date stays static.