After quite a bit of experience with the field, I stand by what I said.
“Subordination” is the word.
Partnership is a great word, too. Unfortunately, sooner or later, it comes down to “whose (X) takes precedence over whose?”
(X= rights, desires, needs, insecurities, whatever)
Ideally, SURE! It OUGHT to be a partnership! It NEEDS to be a partnership!
…but if marriage has taught me any-frickin’-thing, it has taught me that “ideally” is a situation that can NOT be counted on, and when you DO have it, don’t count on it to LAST.
And when that happens, sometimes, if you want to stay married, you have got to get humble.
I don’t like it, myself. I’m an arrogant bastard, sure. But I love my wife very much, and I want to stay married.
…and if it were ME doing all the subordinate stuff, then I would certainly get sick of it DAMN quick, and want out.
…which would certainly be the case if it were HER bending the knee all the time.
…so if it ain’t MUTUAL… it ain’t there.
“Mutual Subordination.”
“Subordinate to each other, at all times.”
Admittedly, this leads to the occasional situation like the old Alphonse and Gaston routine – “After YOU, Alphonse!” “No, after YOU, Gaston, I insist!”
…but that still beats the hell out of any other number of marriage burnouts, explosions, volcanoes, and holocausts I’ve seen. When my wife and I can have a fight over who’s going to hold the door for whom, I think we’re doing pretty damn well…