Married Bait and Switch

And what you would have said when he replied, “Oh, no worry, she’s MUCH better than her mother ever was!”

“But not as good as her brother.”


You know why the bride smiles? Because she knows she’s given her last dick lick.

You know why the groom smiles? Because he knows he’s watched his last chick flick.

I saw the “last” thing as a Playboy cartoon. A couple has just been wed and are about to exit the church. The groom is thinking “Finally! All the sex I want!” while the bride is thinking “Finally! No more sex!”

“Marry the man today…and change his ways tomorrow.”

I think there is a lot of truth to this. Courting is more fun and exciting because there is always that chance you will lose the other person. Once hitched, it becomes harder to just walk away, and one does not have to try as hard.

Also, the greatest anti-aphrodisiac - wedding cake. Innoculates for a lifetime.

Then there is the one about a couple who puts a marble in a jar every time they have sex before they marry, and have a huge, full jar. And then after they marry they start removing a marble each time they have sex, which lasts for the rest of their lives.

Graphic artist…and you’re surprised???:smack:


I know several divorced ladies who sure look a hell of a lot better than they did while married. Gone are the mom jeans and short haircuts and permanent frowns, replaced by summer dresses long flowing hair and easy smiles. It might be bait and switch, it might also be a direct result of removing a large source of stress from their lives.

“I agree.”

Although this thread may not want a serious answer, I will try one anyway. My mother always said two things about marriage and I told them to my wife before we were married and have lived by them, as has she.

Marriage is not a reform school.

The most important person in your life is your spouse. More than your parents, siblings, childred, or friends.

Moreover she respected the fact that my wife was more important to me than my mother, although it was hard for her to. And for 50+ years my wife and I have lived by this. YMMV

The variations of this I usually see are typically along these lines:

  1. The wife doesn’t want to have sex anymore. Tired of rejection, the husband stops initiating. Eventually the wife decides to have sex with some one new, leaving the husband angry but also scratching his head over his wife’s non-interest in sex.

  2. The husband doesn’t really “hide” anything so much as: A. The wife, who is high, doesn’t really notice or overlooks it, B. The wife does recognize the flaw but believes her love will “change” him, and/or C. Certain behaviors really don’t have to be hidden but they wouldn’t be noticed until you are sharing day to day mundane life with another person.

A single man comes home, sees what’s in the fridge, and goes to bed.

A married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
Or so I’m told. I’m the same weight I was when I got married. :slight_smile:

I’ve seen plenty of married couples where the man gains weight, lets his looks go, and still expects his wife to look like a cheerleader.

I once read “A woman marries a man hoping he’ll change. A man marries a woman hoping she won’t”

I once read “Men marry women, hoping they will not change. They always do. Women marry men, hoping they will change. They never do.”

Where was it now? Oh yeah, in the first response to the OP!

If the mom’s a porker, then the daughter, even if she’s thin now, will be a porker too.

Always err on the side of too skinny.

Wow. That’s just incredibly offensive.
Re the OP’s complaints: The patterns I see usually have to do with children coming into the marriage. The woman almost always has her sleep halved and her daily burdens doubled. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen men with newborns in the household and they are chipper and well-rested and wondering why their wives aren’t ready to resume the previous level of sexual involvement.

The men eventually stop trying and resentfully stop making any efforts whatsoever. Things they used to do “for her” from shaving on the weekends to watching their weight to picking up their socks off the bedroom floor, they just stop doing all of it and camp out on the sofa or in front of the computer like defiant 13-year-olds.

To every man who has these types of complaints I say “Start pulling your own weight and then see if things don’t get better.” There are exceptions, of course, but they are rare. In the end, folks pretty much get out of marriage what they put into it.

It may offend you, but I see it again and again and again. Especially if they look more like their mom than their dad. If you meet her parents for the first time, and her mom is a chunker, cut bait right then and there.

My husband and I are both fatter than we were twenty years ago when we married. But back then I only thought he might be a good father. Now I know. Back then I think he only thought I might be a good provider. Now he knows. There are other things that grow in the decades after the wedding, most of them far more important than one’s waistline.

“You want the top of the line, though, ya gotta catch grampa with his dentures out.”