resolved... married men should be allowed to be cute...

In My Humble Opinion
1

…only when they are at home with their wives. And they definitely should refrain from emitting subatomic particles of cuteness, which then pass through the walls of the building they work in, fly across the street, go through the walls of the next building and into a third, where they penetrate former female co-workers who they know have crushes on them.

I swear, he’s doing it on purpose. I’m at work, doing my job, minding my own business, when suddenly I’m hit by cuteness particles.
It’s very painful.

2

For your own sake, I hope you invest in a really good “cuteness particle resistance shield.” It may be painful to experience unrequited lust, but trust me, it’s NOTHING compared to the pain of public condemnation and self loathing that goes along with the alternative.

3

Actually, Lisa, I’ve been absorbing his cuteness particles for two years now (we worked together for a year and a half). Result- he has been unflappably faithful to mrs. particle, and I have a broken heart. Not that I would want him to be unfaithful to mrs. particle. If he were the type of man who’d cheat on his wife, he’d be a sleaze, and sleazes do not emit cuteness particles. Or if they do, they bounce right off of me.

I know enough to keep my little paws off of married guys. Hell, I keep my little paws of of any guy who’s not married to me.

My little paws are cold.

4

Good for you, Thea! I’m glad to hear that you’re smart enough to avoid married men.

There’s nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. Nothing at all . . . it’s perfectly natural. It’s the ACTING on that attraction that causes grief.

Enjoy the eye candy.

5

The emitting of subatomic cuteness particles is an autonomous physiological reaction over which we cute married guys have no control. In fact, if we were to somehow stop these emissions we’d all end up looking like Brad Pitt. And nobody really wants that, do they?
So you see, it’s really a sociological equalizer.

[sub]Man, I haven’t used that many big words in one sentence since my SAT’s. I think I sprained something[/sub]

6

Now if only someone could teach us non-married men how to do that. Emitting particles of cuteness is so much cooler than emitting particles of nerdity… :confused:

7

I must point out some more data from my notes in the field. It seems that no matter a guys previous ranking on the “Cute” scale prior to marrage, after he’s legally tied to a woman in love for eternity, a strange change comes over him, morphing him into “Cute” or “Handsome” or “Woah, he’s good looking!”. This seems to drive some otherwise sane and sober females into fits. The affected females sometimes recover, but sometimes this condition leads to despair and agony.

I need federal funding to research this.

8

Saint Zero is correct. Once, I publicly swore off adultery, and in the span of a week, three charming and painfully tempting women fell into my lap (not to mention two wanton vixens.) My head spun, and I doubted my own judgement. It was frightening. Mercy!

9

My husband is not a traditionally handsome man. I think he’s beautiful, but most women would not. He never had women falling all over him, but the second I slipped that wedding ring on his finger, he was beating them off with a club.

He complained about this to me, and I shrugged it off, thinking he must just be more sensitive to come-ons now that he can’t respond to them. That was, until the night of his going-away party before we moved.

Literally, the women were HANGING on him. My poor distressed husband tried to gently untangle himself, which caused the women to cling tighter. One of them actually followed him into the MEN’S ROOM! The combination of booze and loneliness, I supposed. These women were all divorced, and in their forties. My husband, of course, is married, and in his late twenties. Their behavior was becoming embarassing, and we ended up leaving early. He apologised profusely to me, but just from watching I could tell that it wasn’t the poor guy’s fault.

I guess some women look at a married man and think, “Ooh, he’s married and stable and treats his wife well! What a great guy! If I could get him, I could be married and stable, too!” I suppose what they don’t realize is that a man that would leave their wife to be with them is not a man that is stable, or a great guy in the first place.

10

Actually, I’ve been thinking about having him cloned. I’d have to get mrs. particle’s permission first, though, so she wouldn’t jump to the wrong conclusion if she saw “particle” with an attractive redhead, when he was supposed to be at home cooking her chicken with portobello mushrooms.

Particle was actually my immediate supervisor for a long time. He’s really not what you’d call good-looking, but he has other attributes. He’s intelligent, patient, kind, has a warped sense of humor. I could make the damn stupidest mistakes when I was working with him and he never once raised his voice…

Within a week of the time I started working with him, I was thinking, it’s a good thing this guy’s married, otherwise, I could get a serious crush on him. Then after a few months I realized that I did have a serious crush on him. I kept a lid on it for a few months, but then one day I confided in a co-worker. Mistake- I thought that this character would be professional enough to keep quiet about it, instead he told everybody in the place, and of course it got back to particle. Particle was very sweet about it. He let me know in no uncertain terms that “it can’t be”, I let him know that I had no intention of actually trying to grab his goodies, and we remained good friends.

Then particle got fed up with the way our employer was jerking him around (the company seemed to have an unwritten policy of running off their best lower and middle management types, and using entry-level people in management positions, in order to save a few bucks) and went out and found another job. I started looking for another job about the same time he did- I was the one who usually ended up filling in for him when he took paid days off, and he took a lot of paid days off. He had something like fifty-seven of them accumulated -he’d been with the company for twelve years, and had unused vacation time left over from the previous year. The job was more stress than I cared to deal with, and I told our boss that I didn’t want to do it anymore, my pleas were ignored. Less than a month after he left, I got another job, then lost that a month later. Now we’re both working for the same company again, and I’m two doors down from him. We have overlapping shifts, so every few weeks I drop in and say hello to him.

I still miss working with him.

11

This also can be observed when a guy takes a baby into a public place. Maybe it’s a subconscious thought of “Hey, that man is a good provider” or maybe it’s “Aww, what a cute little baby. And by extension, that guy is cute, too”, but either way, when I babysat and took the stumbling toddler to the park, I was swarmed with women.

Got quite a few phone numbers, too.

12

I read somewhere [I can’t remember where] that females are attracted to men who are already attached, because if one woman already has him, then he must be a pretty good catch.

I have a crush on a married man, I’m naughty. I wouldn’t dare do anything about it though.

13

Physicists, help me out here: doesn’t the brightness of a light fall off proportionately to the square of the distance?
Anyway, in reverse proportion to the square of the importance to you of the woman you are with (in ascending order of friend/dating/girlfriend/fiancee/wife) at a social occasion, is the likelihood of running into a warm, willing, unreasonably attractive woman.
Think that works with whether or not you’re attached too. I think it’s because women can smell desperation, and are repelled by it.

14

That is the most adorable discription of the heartbreak of sexual dearth I have ever heard. I love it.

15

The women in my husbands office building often tell him they want to have him cloned, that I’m sooooo lucky, etc. He’s a great guy, very good looking, eternally faithful, really good to me, plays guitar and sings (and writes music), drives a Harley, plays games with me, buys great gifts- who could ask for more? (He’s great in the sack, too)

My response is just this: Clone him if you can, but touch him and I gouge out your eyes with a shrimp fork. :slight_smile:
Me, jealous? Never. But I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find this one, and my frog kissin’ days are OVER. Find your own damned frog.

PS- I’ll try to get him to stop emitting the cute particles. Sometimes he just can’t help it, though!

Zette

16

I’ll second that - Thea Logica, this one’ll be quoted.

S. Norman - who wouldn’t mind having his own paws warmed once in a while.

17

betenoir- when I first read this, I had to do a doubletake, because I thought you said “That is the most adorable description of sexual death I have ever heard.”

Which is kind of what it feels like.

Since you and Spiny Norman like it so much, I think I’ll make it my sig line.

18

I have always been cute apparently, but for single men just being cute isn’t enough to get dates. When I was single women wanted handsome and dashing. After I was married my cuteness levels were apparently boosted to the point where handsome and dashing turn into phoney and plastic in comparison to me. Women now flirt with me on a scale unprecedented in my life.

However, as has been pointed out, part of my allure is my honor. I’m desirable because I am faithful and keep my word. So there is no way I can act upon temptation without losing my cuteness factor. I am trying to turn it’s power down since it just frustrates everyone. But my attempts at acting surly just result in women fawning over me trying to cheer me up.

Therefore I’m locking myself into a broom closet till I’m old and wrinkly.

19

I’m evidently very lucky. I seem never t have been perceived as “cute” while single. Now that I’m married women still find me eminently resistable. My new-found confidence in myself, my obvious and apparent wedding ring, the sense that I am capable of ommitment have not forced women to throw themselves at my feet any more now tha when I was single.
** sigh**

20

So basically, what you all are saying is that somehow the application of a gold or silver band to the third finger of the left hand creates an electrochemical reaction that causes an increase in the emission of cuteness particles?

Hmmm. I don’t know about that. I think that given the great working relationship we had, and his general sweetness and cuddliness (I hugged him once. He didn’t see it coming…) I think I would have gone ga-ga over him even if he wasn’t married. It might have taken a bit longer, if he was emitting cuteness particles at a lower rate than a married man would, but he’s definitely a hottie.