I think learning to check for the ring is kind of a rite of passage for guys. I learned this almost the hard way when I was 19. I met a woman (we both went to the same college) through a lab for a class. She was pretty, intelligent, friendly–an all-around attractive woman. I was on the verge of asking her out (like, it was going to be my next sentence–THAT close) when she told a short story off-handedly about something “her husband” had done. D’oh! She was older than me (21), but meeting married women even that young had still never happened to me before. I then noticed she had a ring, mentally smacked myself, and took it as a lesson learned and an embarrassing bullet dodged.
I know what you’re thinking: “She told that story to ward you off.” That’s not really it, though, because the totality of the circumstances was pretty benign. I guess this story belies the title line, because I never “hit on” this woman in any way. At that time I thought of male-female relationships as very A or B affairs: “I like you, will you go out with me?” was pretty much my only move. Yes, my early dating life was very harsh! But at least I never accidentally asked out a married woman.
Opposed to engagement rings* myself, but I did notice that as soon as I fell madly in lust with a guy, many other guys seemed to pick up on something. I always got hit on a lot more when I was already involved. Because pheromones?
*Because I am weird, apparently. About the time the subject of an engagement ring came up, I was losing interest.
The way I see it, when we’re single, we give off hints that we’re available. Pheromones, body language, whatever. Maybe it’s conscious, maybe it’s not, but there’s something going on saying “Hey, I might be interested”.
When you get engaged, you’re wearing the ring but your body hasn’t really turned that off yet. So it appears that more people are hitting on you now that you’re taken, but really you’re just noticing it more because you can’t do anything about it.
Then you get married, and five years later you realize no one hits on you anymore. But really, you’ve just found a way to prevent your body from giving off those signals. People aren’t getting that vibe from you anymore, so they don’t drive to the hoop, so to speak.
I don’t know, just my thoughts; no scientific evidence to back it up.
My own personal, untested hypothesis has been that a wedding ring on a guy is, in a sense, a stamp of approval. A woman can see a guy at a bar and think that he’s physically attractive, but have no idea what kind of person he is; maybe he’s a complete jerk. The ring implies that at least one woman has found him to be a suitable mate, implying that he’s likely not a terrible person.
Note that I have absolutely nothing with which to back up this hypothesis; it comes purely from my imagination.
My observations have been similar to that of carlb. When a guy is not going out with anyone, women are not interested in him. There must be something wrong with him! But as soon as he has a girlfriend, his stock skyrockets and every lady wants him. Women even seem to want to steal boyfriends from their good gal-friends, willing to throw a friendship under the bus just to steal the dude.
By contrast, I’ve never known a guy to want to steal his buddy’s girlfriend. He’ll *fuck *his buddy’s girlfriend, given half a chance, but he won’t try to make her his own.
We’re high school sweethearts. We met teaching at the same high school. We were friends before we began courting. We are still friends; we are each other’s best friend.
carlb’s comment encapsulated the theory that I have read on multiple occasions elsewhere: Namely, that one huge factor in whether a woman finds a man attractive or not, is whether *other *women are attracted to him or not. A ring indicates that at least one other woman has given him her stamp of approval, so he’s passed someone else’s quality-control test and hence has to be good in some way. In addition, fame often makes men immensely attractive to women. Think of all the girls or women who chase after male celebrities who aren’t that good-looking or unique or whatnot.
I don’t recall any women hitting on me since I’ve had a wedding band. It’s not like it was a super-common occurrence when I was single, either, so I think we’re just dealing with a small sample size. Or I was/am mostly oblivious.
And now that we have a little kid and have basically zero time for social events that don’t either involve my wife or my kid, so there’s really no opportunity for that to happen anyway.
As a female bartender for many years, I began to wear a ring to cut down getting hit on while working. It worked pretty good, though not 100%.
It didn’t SEEM to encourage men, but I suppose it’s possible.
I would posit it’s an ‘attractor’ in that the person wearing it is at fully at ease, not shopping around. That ease can easily be misread as cool confidence. Which is attractive in either sex, I believe. Just my wild ass guess.
My son and his friends would play a game where they’d go to a bar and pretend that they were having a bachelor’s party. He said that it was amazing how many women hit on the “bridegroom” often successfully.
Just have a female around you, who is not obviously your mother or Aunt. A sister, cousin, or friend, colleague. Suddenly, even if obviously not a couple, get more attention than normal.
