Married Dopers: what's the division of labor in your household?

In My Humble Opinion
1

As always, “married” is shorthand for “in a committed, monogamous, cohabiting relationship intended to last indefinitely, regardless of legal status or the sexes of the partners.”

How do you and your husband/wife/spouse/partner/Vulcan First Officer divide household chores–cooking, cleaning, etc? Have the two of you talked it out, or is it catch as catch can?

For my wife & me, it’s this:

I do almost all of the cooking. This is because I like cooking and do it for fun, whereas she doesn’t, so the division is less onerous than splitting it 50/50 would be. So any actual meal creation (as opposed to popping a frozen pizza in the oven) is mine. As a result of my doing most of the cooking, I also do most of the grocery shopping, for reasons left as an exercise of the class.

My wife does all the KITCHEN cleaning. We clean the other rooms 50/50 as much as possible, but the fact that she’s home with the baby probably means more of it falls on her than on me. But on Saturdays, when we’re both home, we do that together. I try to beat her to the bathrooms, my thought being that’s more onerous than the living and bedroom; it’s my way of making up for the tons of literal shit she must be dealing with Monday-Friday.

Child-care, in theory, is fifty-fifty, though the simple fact that she’s at home with the baby means that she does far more.

I’m in charge of keeping the cars in good order (by which I mean getting them to the shop as necessary). She’s in charge of anything carpentry related, and I stand by to offer whatever tools she requires. Electrical & plumbing problems are handled by professionals.

Anybody else want to share?

2

Skald you left out the biggest one in my opinion, who handles the finances?

3

I do all the laundry and dishes. My wife cleans the bathroom and cooks most of the time (though the agreement is whoever gets home from work first is in charge of dinner, it just works out she is usually home before me). Our accounts are all joint though I pay all the bills but my wife saves, budgets, and plans vacations.

We are 50/50 on cleaning the rest of the house and the yard. We prioritize things differently, so sometimes my wife is compelled to do much more than her share because she doesnt want to wait for me to get around to it :stuck_out_tongue:

Generally we try to do tasks together to keep things fair, since if one person starts doing a little more its easy for the other person to get used to doing a little less.

4

I left it out on purpose.

In fact I’m sure my wife cooks when I’m not there. I should have written that I do almost all of the dinners, and most of the breakfasts. And Sunday dinner is always on me.

5

I do 90% of the cooking. I enjoy it so it just works out that way. I always clean up after cooking as I feel that’s part of the ‘job’.

House cleaning is pretty much 50-50.

She does all the laundry. I hate doing laundry.

I plow the drive, she shovels the deck more than I do. I do all the maintenance, though we are hiring stuff out more and more.

Our finances are separate. We divvy up the bills, sometimes dependent on who has a car payment.

6

I handle the garbage (it goes in my dumpster at work).
I do most/all fix-it jobs around the house.
I do 50% of the meal prep.
I make coffee.
I clean/maintain my bathroom.

She does 80% (or more) of the house-work, although we have a woman who comes in twice monthly.
She does 50% meal prep.
She cleans the horse stalls.

We contribute equally to yard work.
We each do our own laundry.

She travels a few days each month for work, and I do everything on those occasions.

7

We’ve worked out a system that we like - he does most of the tidying, I do most of the cleaning.

Cooking is shared.

8

In theory, he is in charge of:

Kitty litter
Garbage
The dishwasher
The dishes
Getting the kids to bed (with everything prepped for the morning)

And we are jointly in charge of
Tidying the house
Child care and development
Home maintenance

I am in charge of
All things shopping (Groceries, clothes, etc.)
Finances and bills
Home organization (cleaning out closets, cupboards, etc.)

In reality, I am responsible for everything since to get him to do anything I have to ask at least once (except the garbage, he always remembers that).

9

We have a woman come in about six times per month to help out with straightening up and vacuuming.

Other than that, if it gets done, it gets done by me (cooking, cleaning, yard work).

10

:: shudders at the mention of yard work ::

That’s high on the list of reasons I not only prefer apartment living but am grateful that my wife does as well. I still mow my father’s (in the interests of his not dying while doing so) and I am always mystified by people who want to live in a house so they can have a lawn. If you want to play catch, go to the park for Athena’s sake!

11

In theory:

SWMBO - cooking, dishes, cat boxes, laundry

Me - garbage, cat feeding and maintenance, automotive, cleaning, repair and refit, yard

Joint - groceries, finances, cat loving

12

Why?

13

Because.

14

Me: Finances
Cleaning house
Organizing (includes cleaning out old stuff and getting ready for goodwill)
Tending gardens

Shared (primary person):
Dishes (me)
Laundry (me)
Picking up dog poop (him)
Entertaining the dogs - even split
Cooking - even split

Him:
Construction/Remodeling (been doing it a decade, if it was my job, it would already be done)
Mowing lawn (now that its a rider, its all him, back when it was a push mower, we split it)
Tree trimming (though to be fair, I do chip in quite a bit, but I refuse to run a chainsaw.)
Automotive
Repair and Mainenance
Garbage

15

Meals, I do all the grilling and meats (5-6 week) and she does the sides.
After meals, I put away all the containers and leftovers, she does the dishes.
Finances, I make the investment decisions and she pays the bills.
I do all the outdoor landscaping, mowing, trimming, pruning, everything and she takes care of most of the laundry and cleaning (w/ a weekly maid).
I do all the fixing of plumbing, electrical, carpentry within reason. If major I call someone. We have a pool guy.
She does the cat litter, I do all the garbage and recycling.
She takes our daughter to extracurricular activities, I attend her competitions and serve on a couple of neighborhood committees.
She goes to church. I watch CBS Sunday Morning.

16

Cooking: she does most of it. I can cook, I just don’t. But, if she’s feeling tired, stressed, whatever, then I can do it.

The cleaning is mostly me, but that’s because I’m home more. On the weekend we split it.

Anything outside the house is me. Car, trash, laundry, dog, etc. If it’s outside the door then I have it.

Finances is me, but I’m trying to get that to change. I hate dealing with money and I’m bad at it. But she works on accounting and by the time she gets home she’s over it. But I think she’s finally going to take it over.

That’s what it has been for the last couple of years. We now have a newborn and I’ll be graduating soon, so things are going to change.

17

Pepper Mill does most of the cooking, mainly because she’s home (When she worked later hours than I did, I did most of the cooking). She generally does laundry, although I’ll do quite a lot of it. Dishwashing is shared, but I wash often to make up for the not cooking*. We both clean, but she cleans more often, being home more than me. But I’ll usually clean the bathroom (she hates it).
I get to do all the major outside work – grass mowing, lawn care, house washing. I do more of the lawn raking and snow shoeviling, I think, but she shoveled this morning.

*If I’m home all day, I’ll wash dishes three or four times a day, which drives Pepper insane. She says that, when (if) I retire, I’ll have to have an outdoor hoobby, or I’ll drive completely insane.

18

I tend to do more of the housework and cooking, he does more of bill-payingand otehr household paperwork and has in the past done more child care as he was home more. He likes to shop and I hate to so he does most of that. When our older kids are home they help out, too.

So while I’ve never measured it in any way, I think it’s close to 50/50 really.

19

I stay home and my husband works full time.

I do all of the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the flower gardening, the garden watering, and the childcare while my husband is at work. I handle our investments.

He does home repairs, yard work, bill paying and taxes, garden planning and planting, and splits childcare with me about 50/50 while he’s home.

20

Oh, yeah – Pepper does the bulk of the shopping (I’ll pick up things on my way home, or if I’m out, but she does the industrial-strength shopping).
I get to do the plumbing, painting, construction, and repair work. Not to mention breaking Ice Dams on the roof.