(de-lurking because I’m not sure where to start and this is the smartest collection of people I know of)
As indicated by the title, the person I’m planning to marry someone who has a vindictive and well-lawyered ex-spouse who doesn’t work and has nothing to do but think of ways to hurt my intended. My intended owes child support and alimony (calculated based on his income, not a flat amount), and we are very fortunate that as far as we can foresee there is no concern about the ability to meet those obligations without being subject to financial hardship. (Nor, lest anyone get the wrong impression, is there any intent to use our marriage as a means to reduce what the children get.)
I know that (generally) the ex can’t claim that my separate income or assets should be taken into consideration when calculating the amount of alimony/support owed, but we’re in a community property state and would like to know what (if any) options we may have to protect “my share” of our community assets and keep her from being able to harass me as a means of getting to him. I’m particularly concerned about keeping her from being able to subpoena my financial information and/or from having any claim on me if my intended retires or (God forbid) dies before I do, and there’s every reason to think that she’d try to do those kinds of things. Maybe this means that we have to have separate credit, separate bank accounts, file taxes separately, etc., but maybe we could do even more with a prenup?
I’m not expecting or seeking actual legal advice, and we obviously will discuss these issues with an attorney and financial planner. I’d just like to hear what others who have gone through the same thing have learned from their experiences so we have some idea where to start when we have those discussions.
(I hope I have the right forum–mods please move if not).
Chances that she can somehow access your income for CS is very small.
I have heard of arguments being by ex wives made that a rich new wife effectively reduces the husbands lifestyle expenses so his CS should be recalculated higher, but no clue if this ever panned out as successful.
If you are concerned about protecting your assets, GO TALK TO A LOCAL LAWYER not a bunch of yabbos on a message board.
That being said, have you considered a prenup? Making sure that any property that you go into the marriage with that is registerable like vehicles and property is registered singly in your name. Property that is taken into a marriage in many comprop states is not automatically plunked immediately in both names, frequently it is only assets gained during that marriage is considered commprop.
The only concrete thing I can suggest is to not mix your finances into one pot. Keep your own checking, savings and investment accounts. It you have to put your money together for some big ticket item (like a house), make sure to carefully document how much of your money is going into it. I would talk to a lawyer about what documentation is adequate – perhaps checks written from your account are sufficient, but that’s just a guess on my part.
I would also think that, regardless of whether she can get hold of your assets, she can probably give you plenty of grief. If she figures out some way to drag the new hubby into court, in a case that involves his finances, I would think it would be very likely that she might demand (and get) some kind of audit of your finances with an accusation or suspicion that he is shielding some of his assets by assigning them to you.
…that being said, have you considered reading the OP? She specifically states that she will be consulting an attorney and financial planner anyway, but she’d like to hear other people’s experiences as well.
That’s right–what I’m looking for are examples of things people in similar situations found invaluable or learned the hard way were bad ideas, and any other thoughts anyone wants to share.
I married someone with a vindictive ex-wife and she DID just subpoena my financial records and MY personal bank account statements for the last two years. I received a little bit of inheritance in 2010 and this ex-wife combed through my all my statements and analyzed my purchases and listed all the things she doesn’t think were “justified” and is trying to attribute the purchases to my husband, rather than acknowledging they are actually my purchases from my inheritance. So yeah, she definitely can subpoena your private information and you will probably feel just as sick and violated as I do right now.
If you intended’s ex is very vindictive, like my husband’s is and also as greedy and self absorbed as my husband’s ex is then she will think up ways to try to harass and frustrate and anger you because women like that get their kicks doing that.