King Richard would soon be uncrowned,
So he said, “Let us sit on the ground;
Since we’re losing our throne,
Deaths of kings we’ll bemoan” –
And much more that was quasi-profound.
King Edward was at an impasse,
For he’d rather a lad than a lass.
Got deposed by his queen,
And his death was obscene:
It was really a pain in the ass.
Hester Prynne met the preacher one day
And gave him a roll in the hay.
She was bashful, not sultry–
But good at adult’ry?
She must be! They gave her an “A.”
If you want to slay a Jabberwock,
A vopal sword you need, not rock,
That Jabberwocky’s head is something,
you must ride back with it galumphing,
'fore the borogroves put thy in shock.
Marlow the intrepid explorer
Was seeking the ivory hoarder
He found Kurtz in his bed
Soon Mistah Kurtz, he was dead
Leaving nothing behind but the horror
A Midsummer Night’s Dream:
Two laddies with each his fair lass
Got lost in a wooded morass
Puck taught them a lesson
And the weddings they pressed on
But Titania sure felt the ass!
There once was this fella named Lenny,
Who dreamed of owning rabbits in a pen . . . nie,
‘Til he killed a girl dead,
And got shot in the head,
And now friends, his pal George ain’t got any.
There once was a doctor quite mad,
Who gave life to a man in his lab,
Made from spare bits of flesh,
And a brain not quite fresh,
Which all led to an ending quite sad.
A eurotrash Count name of Vlad,
In England, bought a parcel of land,
Then moved there posthaste,
To woo Mina, most chaste,
That sucker was one naughty lad.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Good old Hank Jeckyll, brain Doc,
The secrets of the mind he’d unlock,
When his own drug he tried,
Henry turned into Hyde,
And gave stodgy old London a shock.
This story of Irish malaise
Baffles students for days upon days.
If the prose is too thick,
Follow my simple trick:
Bribe your teacher to give you all A’s.
Sit right back and hear a tale
Of a sailor we’ll call Ishmael
His trip ended badly
When his captain quite madly
Lost the ship and went down with the whale.
The Devil, that sensitive fellow,
With his boss Lord God lost his mellow.
When asked to repent,
Defiance he sent:
“If Heaven won’t serve me then Hell will.”
Some rabbits led by Hazel-rah
Bid to their old warren “ta-ta!”
The guys found a new land,
Far from murdering man,
But forgot to take does to make “ooh-la-la!”
“The Worst Journey in the World” by Apsley Cherry-Garrard
Brave men sailed by sea to the Pole,
With ponies and dogs each to play a role.
Treking hard through the frozen plot
The men followed Captain Scott,
But the wild weather took its harsh toll.
Not getting very far, 'twas real tough,
Luck never in, weather always too rough.
The strengh found not to relent
Led to three men dead in a tent,
One returned, who’d had quite enough.
Had to do in in two 'cause I’m not very good at being concise.
‘Liz Bennett was at her wits’ end,
For her family had gone round the bend.
But then D’Arcy stepped in,
Setting things neat as a pin,
And now Lizzie has a rich husband!
Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones’ Diary
In diary entries most breezy,
Bridget appears a tad sleazy:
Too much lust, pudge & drink
Led her to think
That Darcy was IT, if not easy.
