LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick

The title says it all - summarise a novel, any novel {OK, or a play or poem} in limerick form.

The Lord Of The Rings

Young halfling, get rid of that Ring
Bewitching, malevolent thing!
Dwarves, wizardly ken
Elves, Hobbits and Men
Lent a hand {and enthroned the True King}.

I’m no good at limericks.

But I’m okay at haiku, so here’s a couple:

Indiana Jones,
Seeker of lost treasures
Watch out for Nazis

Rudy wants to play
Too small for Irish football
But the kid’s got heart

Machines run the world
But Neo is the one who
Will free humanity

Hey, Look! An Iceberg!
Kate Winslet has nice boobies
DiCaprio dies
*
The extremely random and esoteric bonus movie:
*
Take to the hills, kids
The Russians have invaded
No more school today*

No! I should have specified in the OP: NO haikus in this thread! Any fool can write them. Limericks only! This has been a public service announcement brought to you on behalf of rhyme, rhythm and meter. Normal service will now resume.

Oh yeah, and the bonus was Red Dawn.

Sorry.
*
A serial killer named Gumb
Turned out to be pretty dumb
Starling and Hannibal,
Agent and cannibal
Soon had him under their thumb.
*

A telemachy artist named Dedalus
Spent whole chapters inside of his headalus
A jewanderer named Bloom
Tried to rent him a room
With a view of his wife Molly’s bedalus.

Let’s see if I remember the details correctly…

007 hooked up with a gal,
And worked with his CIA pal,
To catch a Russian defector,
Now working for SPECTRE,
While at the Casino Royale.

Because I’m in a French lit-y mood:

A prostitute named Butterball
Wouldn’t sleep with the Prussians at all.
Said one haughty dame,
“She cries because of her shame,”
while pretending to be appall’

A fool will bring up the Templars,
And ways we relate to the stars.
An innocent notion
Will swing into motion
Things possibly linked to Cathars.

The Captain stood up on his peg
“A whale has made off with my leg!
I must have his head
before I am dead!”
Alas! Twas the end of Queequeg.

Say, do we need spoiler warnings here? :smiley:

Seldon created a myst’ry
Based on his work psychohis’try
Terminus abided
Till dark ages subsided
And Trantor was left all Blis’try
This is fun, I’ll probably do more later.

Election by Tom Perrotta:

A high school teacher whose friend was a knob,
Schemed behind the election to rob
The goody-girl slut.
But when teach did rut
His friend’s ex, he lost wife, home, and job.

Louis Wu saw a wonderous thing
A star with a habitable ring
Three million miles wide
A hell of a ride
But off it they eventually did fling!

He was a good little feller’
Tracker, protector, and smeller.
Till he had to be shot
for rabies he’d got
And that was the end of Old Yeller.

In Boston this book was banned
Preachers said the book couldn’t stand
It was pure smut
Fanny Hill was a smut.
“You’re telling me!” said John Cleland.

Said Major, "We’re tired of these gigs,
We’ll take over the farm, get new digs!
Revolution erupted
The swine were corrupted
'Til you couldn’t tell humans from pigs

These docs are the Pros from Dover,
Who are better with bones than Rover.
With friends like ‘Me Lay’,
‘Painless Pole’, and, hey,
With them you’ll be rolling in clover.

Cthulhu came out of the blue
To enslave and/or eat me and you.
Ere long the Great Old Ones
Will hoist a few cold ones
While dining on humanoid stew.

Guy Montag was tired of fire lightin’
Cuz firemen should be out firefightin’
He took leave of those nasties
Became Ecclesiastes
With some outcasts who memorized writin’

Ford Prefect and old Arthur Dent
Hitchiking with Vogons they went
The big answer, turns out:
42. No doubt!
For what question was that answer meant?

Raskolnikov picked up an axe,
And gave two dames forty whacks;
Said he, “It’s depressing,
And I’ll be confessing,
It’s all about violence and sax.”

Some terrorists in search of a buck
Run a brand new skyscraper amok
A cop not from LA
with no shoes saves the day
Yipee-ka-yay, mutherfuck!