Dune Messiah
Bad enough I can’t stop the Jihad
Though the Fremen all think I am God
I get betrayed and blinded
By the radically-minded
And some dweeb Mahdi-wannabe sod
Children of Dune
Well at least we can’t say that you’re lazy
Even though you are certainly crazy
But you really should cease
Hurting nephew and niece
Just because your own future is hazy
Being There – Jerzy Kosinski
Chauncey’s a man of the simplest conviction –
A guru on gardening, if not on eviction.
His green-thumbed drivel
Mistook as Delphic oracle;
Now the idiot’s in the the November election!
Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
Tis true this boy’s hobbies all stank
The victims of sadistic prank
He’d kill cousin and furries
Due to manhoodly worries
Cos this boy’s a girl to be Frank.
Paddy Clark, Ha, Ha, Ha - Roddy Doyle
Paddy Clark lives with his ma
Paddy Clark’s got no da
Good man, good man blighted
Of Barrytown United
All together now; ha, ha, ha
Fever Pitch - Nick Hornby
A boy supports the Ars-e-nal
And so begins a lifelong fall
Some games a score
More games a bore
And nothing much happens at all
Life Of Pi - Yann Martel
There once was a lad from the zoo
Set adrift on the Pacific blue
What helped him survive
Was his tiger alive
Or not, we don’t know that’s true
A Prayer For Owen Meany - John Irving
THERE ONCE WAS A BOY OF SMALL STATURE
WHOSE VOICE SOUNDED OF FRACTURE
I KNOW WHEN I’LL END
HE SAID TO HIS FRIEND
BUT WE’LL AVOID VIETNAM CAPTURE
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, by J.K. Rowling:
There once was a young British lad,
Who learned: magic powers he had!
Said he, with a snort,
As he outfoxed Vol-de-Mort
“You’re that asswipe who killed Mum and Dad!”
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling:
Our young British lad is named Harry,
And his next adventure was quite scary!
In the Chamber of Secrets he defeated,
A giant snake, and he succeeded
In saving Ginny (who I think he’ll marry)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling:
Harry’s next book involves a big dog,
And Cho, whom he wants to snog,
The dog’s not all bad,
(He’s a friend of his dad!)
But it doesn’t end there [cue the fog…]
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling:
In the next book Harry competes in a game,
The Triwizard Cup, which brings great acclaim,
But oh no! It’s a trap,
By Vol-de-Mort, sneaky chap!
But Harry escapes all the same.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by J.K. Rowling:
What happens next? We don’t know.
Will Harry finally snog that girl Cho?
Will Dumbledore die? :eek:
Or that Hagrid guy? :eek:
Or will they all drink a glass of Merlot?
Hitchhickers Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Since this was a cottage knocked down
It’s resident’s been a bit of a clown
He crosses the galaxy
In search of some tea
But never take off of his gown
The Dice Man - Luke Rhinehart
This man’s no decision maker
Defers results to his shaker
The choice is the dice
Be it nasty or nice
So you’re excused for being a faker.
Great Apes - Will Self
A monkey world’s no joke
When you’re used to life among folk
A man slept dead limp
And woke as a chimp
That happens when you do too much coke
The Little Friend - Donna Tartt
A girl one day resolved
Her brother’s death she’d solve
She messed with a snake
A poor choice to make
With speed adled rednecks involved.
Excession - Iain M. Banks
Something is found that’s unknown
And to it the Culture has flown
The people and Minds
Are amazed what they finds
It was there and now it has gone
2001 A Space Odyssey - Arthur C Clarke
The computer’s becoming a brat
And the crew is smelling a rat
They’re out beyond Mars
And it’s full of stars
But sorry Dave, I cannot do that
The Chrysalids - John Wyndham
The mutants are the devil’s creation
In a world of post radiation
So Telepaths best
Make tracks like the rest
And join the New Zealand nation
Life Of Pi - Yann Martel (fixed from above)
There once was a lad from the zoo
Set adrift on the Pacific blue
What helped him survive
Was his tiger alive
Or not, we don’t know if that’s true
Hitchhickers Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams (fixed from above)
Since this was a cottage knocked down
Its resident’s been a bit of a clown
In search of some tea
He’ll cross galaxy
But never takes off of his gown
The Little Friend - Donna Tartt (fixed from above)
A girl one day did resolve
Her brother’s death she would solve
She messed with a snake
A poor choice to make
With speed adled rednecks involved.
Some Seuss (with apologies):
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
I submit: one and two, red and blue
Along with an old and a new
Plus the one with a star
And one driving a car
Were just some of the fish that Seuss knew
The Foot Book
I know that I might take some heat
But my son finds this book quite a treat
Whether left or the right
In the day or the night
Seuss’s rhymes are a wonderful feat 
Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?
Oh the wonderful sounds he can do
Mr. Brown has a really good moo
He makes noises quite frightening
like thunder and lightning
It’s not hard, shouldn’t you try them too?
LOTR - J.R.R. Tolkien
Life’s about spent for the Ents
With no baby Ent-boys or Ent-ettes
Their speech is so slow,
It’s no wonder, you know,
That all of the bored Ent-wives left.
Catch-22, Joseph Keller
No offense intended!
Yossarian, the brave bombadier,
Came down with a bad case of fear.
Too many missions
Led him to wishin’
That he had just acted more queer.
Enemy At the Gates: The Battle for Stalingrad by William Craig
The fall of '42: a key historical moment.
Von Paulus took the town, but was ordered to hold it.
When the Reds closed in,
The German 6th was fin…
Oh, and the snipers? They’re scarcely in it!
Republic of Fear by “Samir al-Khalil” (1989)
This chilling underground expose of the Ba’th is
The “Mene, mene, tekel, parsin” of the '90’s.
On the tyrant deranged,
How little has changed…
And now we fight him again… oh, the pathos!
The Sum of All Fears by Tom Clancy
That a loose nuke makes a jihaddist our equal,
Is demonstrated on Denver – raising our pique well.
The President, gone hysterical
Attempts revenge most inimical…
But what will deter them from pulling a sequel?
The Graduate by Charles Webb
Trust me, the novel suffers by comparison
To the summer of love cinema icon,
With Nichols’ puckish wits,
And S&G’s folkish hits.
Well, at least the novel has Mrs. Robinson!
The Vampire Lestat
[spoiler]I was an actor and quite intellectual
til against Magnus I proved ineffectual
I don’t miss so much being a feller
but if you see Ms. Rice please kindly tell her
That not everyone on Earth is bisexual![/spoiler/
The Vampire Chronicles
We’re Eurotrash creatures of night
whose stories our dear Ms. Rice writes
while she’s some good scenes to her credit
she should let her publishers edit
because we’re starting to suck and to bite
Confederacy of Dunces (1)
My name is Ignatius J. Reilly,
or “Lance”, in my Working Boy’s Diary,
I shall be your soul’s salve
if I could just open my valve
Til then we’re in Protestant hell, wet and fiery.
Confederacy of Dunces (2)
While a working boy at Levy Pants
I charmed the Negroes when I started to dance
“Proletariat arm!” I did cry it
but alas it did cause a race riot
but by selling weinies my weltanschaung I’ll advance.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
My futile stabs [2!] at this insistent tome made me feel like an intellectual McWeenie,
Like I’d lost 27 I.Q. points, or was wearing a short-attention-span beanie.
Clever po-mo touches aside,
And authorial tone on the snide,
I’d have more fun learning tennis, writing a thesis… or editing this lim’rick just a teenie.
Fanny Hill, Or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland (1749)
This smutty romp through England-turned-Sodom,
‘Tis like the whore’s view of [post]-Pepys’ London.
Even the unnamed fellatio
Enjoys its due ratio,
After some eye-opening schooling by the madam.
oops, I meant to italicize fellatio… mods, can you fix it?
I lost my head while HTML-ing
on an X-rated book most compelling!
The Wizard of Oz
Ms. Garland by all was adored
As into the sunset she soared
But she kicked it, because
While she visited Oz
She never checked out Betty Ford
Cocktail
When life starts to write you bad checks
Try your best not to stay very vexed
Keep in mind you can’t lose
With an excess of booze
And constant anonymous sex
Shogun by James Clavell
After Captain Blackthorne lands in “the Japannes,” he
Learns that where swords are sharp, one’s wits must also be.
Despite difficulties and strife,
He enjoys the samurai life,
And with Mariko, finds that heat comes from more than wasabi!
Forrest Gump
For my bountiful life I give thanks
As I join with the fortunate ranks
Through kindness and tears
I’ve gained much through the years
(Plus it helps if you look like Tom Hanks!)