Dad is a licensed massage therapist. He often gives his teenage daughter full body massages with oil, etc. Daughter is generally only covered with a thin sheet during these massages. Teenage daughter is completely comfortable with this, but her boyfriend is horrified. They have discussions about it that ultimately culminate in the boyfriend demanding that she either realize how wrong it is and stop it, or he can’t be with her anymore.
The mother is aware of the massages, but doesn’t think anything of it until her daughter comes to her in tears about the boyfriend. Are the messages truly as bad as the boyfriend thinks? Or is this more about the boyfriend wanting to possess the girl? Poll coming.
At its face, it does strike me as a little creepy. But, it would be no different than if her dad were a doctor and acting in a professional capacity that way. Massage therapists have gone to great lengths to desexualize their practice from the cultural stereotype of “happy endings”, so I don’t think the act itself is inherently sexual in any way.
Yeah, that’s about where I fell on the poll. If the daughter is comfortable, I see it as no big deal. The boyfriend is thinking of a very different kind of massage parlour.
But I don’t personally feel comfortable with family members as my own clinician whatever they practice. Arm’s length rule is good for objectivity.
Although, I did have a roommate who was studying massage therapy while completing his kinesiology degree, who really helped fix my back once, when I couldn’t get to another RMT until the following day.
I would be skeeved if I were in the daughter’s shoes, but if she feels comfortable and doesn’t see anything wrong with it, I wouldn’t worry about it. The boyfriend is being pretty demanding when he tells her she has to stop.
No big deal. If one of my family members were a professional massage therapist I would want to take advantage of it too. It’s not sexual, massages just feel good.
Or he’s just an idiot who doesn’t really now what and RMT does. If her dad was a chiropractor and she said he’d made an adjustment, or dad’s a physiotherapist, the boyfriend probably wouldn’t have been such a freak.
A lot of people have a hard time separating clinical massage from “rubbing oil all over your body and groping your flesh.”
Dad, should have the sense to not give his teenage daughter full body massages. Regardless of his intentions, her understanding, etc. If his daughter wants a massage, he should get a fellow therapists to give the massage. One of my best friends is an OB/Gyn, but he does not treat his wife or his daughters, he refers them to a colleague. That’s the professional thing to do.
I agree with ladyfoxfyre.
At first I thought it was very creepy but then I considered the rest of the story. The father is a professional and the daughter feels comfortable so it’s nothing bad. The situation isn’t a common one so I’m not suprised that the boyfriend thinks it’s weird but he is taking it a bit far and must be a close-minded person in general.
I work at a doctors office and a lot of our clinical staff will treat their own kids so I just think of it like that.
Assuming you are not injured massage therapy is not exactly a medical exam or a medical procedure. It’s giving a relaxing and (to be perfectly frank) sensuous pleasure experience to the person getting the massage.
Logically I’m sure the massage family has a different view as that’s daddy’s work skill, and they may not see anything inappropriate in the practice. Dad probably massages hundreds of people a month, and to him the person getting the massage is about as sexy as a pile of lumber to a carpenter or a head of hair to a barber.
To the outside world, however, regardless of whether the massage giver is a pro or not, giving a hot oil massage to your teen aged daughter naked under a sheet is borderline squicky IMO. I wouldn’t freak, but I would not be all that comfortable with it.
To me, it’s inappropriate, because it signifies that dad has no concept of boundaries, and hasn’t taught daughter to have any, either. Whether anything sexual is going on or not, dad should know better than to do something like this that even raises the question- it’s an *appearance *of impropriety, at the least.
If we really are talking full body, its potential sexual abuse as far as Im concerned, although it could just be poor boundaries. Giving your daughters great sensuous experiences isnt generally in the manual for being a father.
It isnt a profession thats always known for great boundaries in the first place, particularly with male workers, so Id definitely be a bit worried.
I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea, but as long as the daughter is, it’s probably ok.
The reason I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea is that it just doesn’t ring true to my own experiences or those of the dozens of other massage therapists I’ve known personally or helped trained. There’s a long standing joke that’s not entirely a joke that the people who almost never get a massage are the massage therapist’s SO or family. (Sort of like the shoemaker’s kids…)
Most people end up with work boundaries and home boundaries, and rarely the twain shall meet. Face it, massage is hard physical and emotional work, if you’re doing it right, and if you’re doing it for a job, you’re unlikely to have it in you to want to do it for free all over again when you get home. I might work on a specific body part ailing my family members, like a sore knee or a bum shoulder, but I don’t think I’ve given any of them a *full *massage since massage school, when I needed the practice. …Except for the sadly occasional sexy massage for my SO; those I’ll sometimes feel like doing, but there’s nothing professional about it.
I don’t think my experiences are all that unusual after speaking, as I said, to dozens of massage therapists and students. So that makes me uneasy as to this guy’s motives. Yeah, we spend a lot of time separating massage and sex and are perfectly capable of doing so. Yet we’re still human, and therefore also capable of having sexy thoughts and intent while doing massage, as I do when I give my sweetie a sexy massage. I really would wonder if, comfortable or not, the girl was unwittingly being used by her father for his own gratification, and that makes me feel oogy.
Presumably, if I knew them in reality and could watch them interact, I’d have a better handle on whether the interaction between them was appropriate or not, but for a first impression, message board reaction, I’d be uneasy.
I’m a little uncomfortable with the assumption that as long as the daughter is ok with it, it must be benign, because I think that people can get used to thinking of some pretty outrageous things as “normal” when presented properly. So maybe Dad is a perv, but the daughter’s ok with it because it’s been happening for so long, or whatever.
On the other hand, while it strikes me as odd for many of the reasons elaborated on by WhyNot, I’m not convinced that it is neccessarily harmful to the daughter, even if odd.
And since it strikes me as odd, why shouldn’t it strike boyfriend as odd?
But boyfriend may be a bad match for daughter, even without the assumption of perviness on Dad’s part or controllingness on boyfriend’s.
I chose “skeeves me out but probably not a sign of sexual abuse.”
I can get behind massage of a particular aching area in certain situations, like WhyNot mentioned doing, but… geez, a teenage girl getting a full body massage with oil from her dad, regularly? Sorry, that registers as skeevy for me, even if it might in fact be totally normal for them. Obviously that’s really not in my comfort zone.
However, I completely sympathize with the boyfriend and think that he’s better off finding someone else in this situation.
