Okay, this will most likely be moved to a less serious forum due to the answers that can be expected from dopers. But still.
I’ve had some education on philosophers in the past, but my memory is really getting fuzzy, so I’m propably screwing up some details here or there.
Socrates went around Athens questioning everybody on their beliefs, trying to get definitions for things like “virtue”, “truth” or “wisdom”, and to show the Athens citizens that most of their beliefs and cherished morals weren’t actually based on anything, and their prime motivations were things like "that’s how we’ve always done it"or “because.”.
Now, I seem to recall that he even masturbated publicly to get responses, after which he would ask the offended party why it would be so bad to anyone. He wasn’t harming anyone, right? (kinda like Janet’s boob, now I’m thinking of it.)
Another thing I vaguely recall is a quote about masturbation (maybe even not by Socrates himself) which was basically: “Masturbation is a wonderful thing. It satisfies an urge immediately. If only I could silence my hunger with rubbing my stomach!”
Since Socrates was widely criticized in his own time, it may be that these are fabrications. Or it may be that my own mind is playing tricks with me. I want to be the light of every intellectual party by expanding on masturbating Greeks, but I need defense material once people yell “cite?”
I’ve always wondered, Dio, why this didn’t send you after those roosters with a hammer. Or maybe you did, and history was indulgently silent.
I once wrote a play in which Diogenes made regular appearances with his lantern, looking for an honest man. Finally, he comes upon someone who tells him that he must be crazy, looking for an honest man with a lantern in daylight…
“The Honest Man!!” shouts Diogenes.
He then pulls out a gun and shoots him.
“I knew I’d get him someday,” says Diogenes, exiting.
Diogenes, do you like Diogenes the cynic (the greek guy)? He seems kind of stupid to me.
I like this story though:
“when reproved for walking out of a brothel (where apparently he had been enjoying, apparently for free, the services offered) he replied that he should be reproved for walking in rather than walking out.”
I’m not entirely sure what makes you think of this as a “serious” forum. Perhaps it tries to be more serious than, say, MPSIMS, but ultimately, very non-serious things are bound to happen if you allow them too. Look for a thread about scalar weapons, or the pros and cons of different kinds of fish food…
Iiiiiimanuel Kant was a real Onan
(Though he’d reject the label).
Heidegger, Heidegger was a dirty bugger
Who would spank it under the table.
David Hume would self-pollute
Whene’er he was able.
And Wittgenstein always thought it fine
To tug on his thick cable.
There’s nothing Neitzche couldn’t teach ya bout the motions of the wrist;
Socrates himself was always pumping fist.
John Stuart Mill always got a thrill
When he’d Jack off while his wife would Jill
Plato, they say, wanked six times a day
(sometimes more when he couldn’t get any play).
Aristotle, Aristotle always playing with his throttle.
Hobbes would toss with both hands.
Said Rene Descartes, playing with his part,
“I wank therefore I am.”
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed -
A lovely little wanker who was always pumping fist!
