Sexual response during breastfeeding may be common. SEEKING sexual response during breastfeeding probably isn’t. I say probably because I’ve never seen a study on it. But given our overwhelming taboo against sexual contact with children (which makes pedophilia uncommon), and given that I’ve had some pretty “out there” conversations with some pretty counterculture crunchy free love types and this has never, ever come up, I feel pretty confident in that statement, cites or no cites.
Is it possible that tens of thousands of women are getting their vibrators set up in their nursing spots every day and we’re all just naive? Sure, it’s possible. But I don’t think it’s very likely.
I think it’s possible that some people are so completely overwhelmed by the cultural message that Love = Sex that their wires get crossed. It’s abnormal, it’s dangerous and it’s veering into paraphila, but I can see how it happens. It’s really just like people who can’t imagine that sleeping (y’know, snoring sleeping, not sleeping as a euphemism for sex) with a child in the same bed could possibly be nonsexual. It’s the parent who feels love for her child and doesn’t know how to feel nonsexualized love.
But I think we should also remember that this isn’t generally part of attachment parenting. This is a *woman *gone off the rails.
Okay, I breastfeed three kids, and the rush of milk letting down made my breasts sensitive, but not in the sexual way. And my milk squirted halfway across the room all by itself – no sex involved. That woman is seriously disturbed, and I worry for the son when he starts getting mature. Maybe it was because I had three kids in five years, but my main thoughts while breastfeeding were: I’m thirsty and I’m tired.
Ew. Just…ew. This article is wank material for pedophiles. I feel like I need a shower now. I’d rather look at Goatse than read this shit again. Holy crap. This woman needs a whole fucking lot of psychological help. I’m on the fence about whether or not that child should be removed from her home.
is messed up. NO ONE wants to look at their parents as erotic models. I’m not saying parents aren’t sexual beings but they don’t have to be good role models in the sex department for their kids. This author makes Ayelet “I hope my son turns out to be gay so he’ll love his mother forever” Waldman look normal.
Unless your kid is Gussie from Tree Grows in Brooklyn, no, lady. He’s not.
So what about women who have orgasms during breastfeeding without masturbating? Are they wrong and bad because their bodies’ natural responses to the stimulation of their nipples and the flood of oxytocin triggers an orgasmic response? Should those women stop nursing? Are they wrong if they breastfeed for longer or more frequently because the arousal is enjoyable, even if they don’t reach orgasm and don’t masturbate? Or is it only wrong if you actively stimulate your genitals during nursing?
I’m going to go with the latter. I think it’s one thing if you can’t help it, but if you go out of your way to masturbate while the baby’s still on your teat…why? Like, have you not mastered delayed gratification to the point where you can’t put a kid down first?
I don’t agree with this…I absolutely think parents should be good sexual role models for their children. But it should not be overt, for heaven’s sakes! What I mean is, I believe a mother especially should be seen to love her husband, and love sex with him, not through any overt actions by her, but just as a feeling - a model of a healthy sexual relationship with each other, so the daughter grows up and has a healthy sexual relationship and not a fucked-up one. I say mother because I feel that men have a different situation when it comes to sex - they are much more encouraged to love it from the start.
In regards to the OP, I don’t think it’s ick to have sexual feelings while breastfeeding, or even masturbate after. During is disturbing, yes. And I can’t even read the article at work - my filters block it - but the author of the article seems like a whole different kettle of fish. Must she post that sort of stuff where her child will find it one day?
Well, I guess I’d classify that as relationship role models. You know, treat each other with love and respect. I just don’t view that as a sexual thing–more of a relational/family type thing. Though my parents aren’t super physically demonstrative, so…maybe that colors my view? I think what you’re saying is a good thing, though, for all parents to do.
Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with some parents. Nerve.com is definitely a good site to avoid at work, though. (Sorry, I should probably have said that in my OP.) It’s not so much that there’s a lot of risque pictures but the content is very sexual. And kind of messed up as you can see. My personal favorite is the one by the anorexic girl who discovered she had gotten her period back when she went in to her college’s health services with vaginal odor only to find out that there was a used tampon up her that she must have put in during a drunken bender.
Exactly. I’ve been in situations were I was turned on but it would have been inappropriate to just undo my pants and go for it. So you know what I did? Waited until an appropriate time.
I’m sure there are plenty of women who enjoy having their nipples sucked or licked by their partners, and notice feelings of arousal when breastfeeding. But it’s not a sexual situation. When my doctor does a digital exam during a pap smear, I don’t get turned on, because it’s a non-sexual situation. When my husband does nearly the same thing, I do get turned on, because we’re sexual partners. It’s not hard to separate the situations in my mind. The girl who does my bikini waxes touches all sorts of delicate areas during a wax, and she’s cute, and the studio is nice and home-y feeling and the bed’s pretty comfortable. It’s nice, but even if I found myself getting really turned on, I wouldn’t see a need to act on it while I’m at the studio.
So yes, I think it’s totally wack. A couple having sex in bed while a baby sleeps nearby? Not weird. Masturbating while holding your wide awake baby and breastfeeding? Weird. What kind of boundaries will she set with this kid? If you think a newborn has “inherent sexuality”, how will you feel about a fifteen year old boy?
I agree with Freudian. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it is natural, it does happen to plenty of women (although I don’t think it happens to most women), it’s not wrong or bad, it’s simply physiology.
But again, that’s not what this woman did. She wasn’t nursing and found herself tingling in her nethers. She was planning, she was *seeking *sexual gratification from breastfeeding. Seeking orgasms from the actions or physical attributes of your child is not common, normal or healthy, especially when (as it seems to be for this woman) you lose your sexual attraction to your mate.
Why is DtC’s saying that any worse than the almost unanimous cry from other Dopers that masturbating while breastfeeding is disgusting and perverted? He’s not allowed to have an opinion (which I don’t agree with, but whatever) if it’s a minority one?
Well, if someone can’t help orgasming, that’s not their fault. Condemning a planned activity is one thing but condemning a physiological response is different.
See tumbleddown’s post on breast feeding. Also, rape victims have been known to have orgasms during the act of rape. Do you really think they were trying for the big O?
