May I ask who is calling?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Two situations like that have happened to me (I’m not a gatekeeper–these calls were to my home):

  1. My sister and her husband had given out our number (with permission) for people to reach them, before they had a phone of their own. Later, after they got a phone, we still occasionally got calls for them. I’d take the info, promise to give them the message, and tell them to take my number off their list. I was constantly running into people who’d say, “This is John,” whenever I’d ask who was calling. After trying to pry the pertinant info from one such person, who was determined not to give out any more details, I finally said, “Listen, I’m not giving a message to my sister from someone who won’t ID themselves, and since they have a phone–and I’m NOT giving out their number to a stranger–I want my number off your call list. This is your last shot at getting in touch with them.” I finally got what I needed to know–WHO they were working for. But it was obvious that even then they were reluctant to tell me anything! (And yes, I did pass the message along–I never lied about that.)

  2. Someone called wanting to speak to my husband, who was at work. I said that I was his wife, could I please take a message. “This is Lisa, could you please have him call me at 555-1234?” “Well,” I said, “That all depends on who Lisa works for!” Again, VERY reluctantly, she grudgingly offered the name of her company.
    I’ve been so astonished lately at the complete lack of phone etiquette. (I once called my sister-in-law and her son answered the phone, “Who’s this?” Not even a “hello.”) My folks always taught me to ID myself to WHOMEVER I was calling–not just places of business. The degree of ID needed depended on the person I was calling, of course, but it was always to be done. A friend: “Hi, Mrs. Friend’s Mom, this is Chanteuse, could I please speak to Friend?” Doctor’s office: “Hi, Receptionist, this is Chanteuse Patient, I need to make an appointment/talk to the nurse.” Place of business: “Hello, this is Chanteuse Customer and I’m calling about Product/Service/Info.” I guess I just don’t understand why this has to be pried out of someone.

62

Wow this whole time I have been doing this wrong.

When someone asks me, “May I tell him/her who is calling” I have always replied back with: Tiggr Kitty in regards to [insert reason]

I have been making this too easy for people!
:slight_smile:

63

Look, it’s very simple. If people aren’t giving you the information you want, then you aren’t asking the right question. I don’t think most people are being intentionally obtuse.

You’re just proceeding on an assumption about the implied meaning of your question that is not understood by the people who are calling. If “May I ask who’s calling?” isn’t working, go straight to “May I ask what you are calling in reference to?”

Communication is about figuring about how to make the other person understand, not about trying to force the other person to share the same assumptions as you.

64

Oh, that’s very astute. What a great point. For example, when you go to a fast-food joint, it’s reduced to a completely mind-numbing experience.

"I’ll have a 2-piece chicken combo meal

Would you like white meat or dark meat? - White meat

Would you like flour or corn tortilas? - Corn

What would you like to drink? - Coke

What side orders would you like? - Rice and Beans

Will that be here or to-go? - Here."

Absolutely no thought required, and no knowledge of social conventions needed. In fact, cashiers generally get confused and annoyed if you stray from the script even slightly.

Exactly. It’s a small percentage. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Most calls are from existing clients, so just the name is sufficient. But let’s say, for example, you’re calling a lawyer for the first time, you’ve never met him before, and you have a really juicy case that you’re hoping he’ll take. Would you just leave your name and nothing else? And only your first name, for that matter? How is he going to know that you want to hire him? Why would he want to take your call? For all he knows, you’re an encyclopedia salesman. I assume that in that case, you’d say, “This is RaftPeople; I’m interested in retaining him for an important case.” or something along those lines, wouldn’t you? But you’d be amazed how many people will just mindlessly spout “My name is John” when confronted with that situation. Yes, it’s a small percentage, but still surprisingly more than one would expect.

I’ll add another thing, just in general, not directed at Raft People. Most business people do understand at least a little phone etiquette, so in many cases, a receptionist, upon being given only a name, is likely to just assume that it’s a known contact (because if it’s a total stranger, we would expect at least a company name or something to identify why the person is calling). So what’s going to happen is that the secretary is going to ask the boss if he wants to take a call from so-and-so, and the boss, not recognizing the name, will say, “No, take a message”. If that situation is agreeable to you, then by all means, just give your name. But don’t cry about it if the secretary chose not to interrogate you, and you therefore didn’t get to talk to the person you wanted to talk to. You have only yourself to blame.

65

O.K., I’ve been thinking about this more now, and sort of monitoring phone calls in my head, and I have noticed that the majority of callers do indeed understand that it’s customary to say, “This is ____ from ____.” And I’ve been thinking about the question that we ask, and the more I think about it, the more it DOES make sense. Several of you commented: “If you ask for my name, I’m giving you my name.” But I don’t think I can say this too many times: We’re NOT asking for your name, we’re asking you to IDENTIFY yourself. There is a difference, because how you IDENTIFY yourself depends on the situation. If my boss’ wife calls, she need not tell me why she is calling, nor what her name is. She need only say that she is the boss’ wife. That is sufficient information. If my boss’ favorite client calls, who is engaged in a very important case, with crucial developments every day, then only the client’s name is sufficient, because we KNOW the boss wants to talk to him. If the building superintendant is calling, then saying, “This is the building superintendant calling” is sufficient. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION, and “May I ask who is calling?” covers ANY situation - that is if the caller exercises a modicum of common-sense. “What is your name?” or “What is the reason for your call?”, do NOT cover every situation, which is why those generally aren’t used as the leading question. When the boss’ wife calls, I don’t CARE why she’s calling; I just assume that he wants to talk to his wife. Only the CALLER knows the crucial information that determines what the answer to the question should be.

66

Then phrase it in a way that makes it clear. Again, you’re simply insisting that people should automatically know that A means B. If people don’t know, they just don’t know.

67

But PLEASE…don’t say “may I ask who’s calling?”. Of course you can ask. The question is, “May I tell him who’s calling?”

68

But most people do know. There’s only a few who don’t, or mostly, *pretend * they don’t so they can try to sneak by us.

69

That’s no improvement. I’ve had people say, “Yes” to that one, too.

I wish people would be smartasses on their own time.

70

I disagree. It IS clear. I don’t know why you think A means B. For 90% of us, A means A. It’s a minority who seem to have a problem with it.

How would YOU phrase it?

71

Either way is fine, but I don’t think one is better than the other. They mean the same thing. “May I ask…” is the POLITE way to inquire as to the indentity of the caller, rather than “Who’s this?”, or “What do you want?” It’s a formalized way of being polite, just as “pardon me?” is the polite way of saying, “what did you say?” In Japanese, they have an entirely different form of the language for polite exchanges. Sure, there are always smartasses out there who make fun of those conventions, like answering, “Why? What did you do?” when someone says “pardon me”. But the fact is that, even though many people don’t understand common courtesy anymore, one is still expected to display it in a professional setting.

72

Can you see that there is a difference in the literal meanings of the following –

  • Who is calling? May I tell him who is calling?
  • May I tell him what this is in regard to? What is this in regard to? Why are you calling? Why do you want to speak to X?

Some people are just taking you literally.

Apparently, it’s a significant minority, significant enough for it to be an issue with you. If it was an insignificant minority, you could just keep asking questions for those few and it wouldn’t have bothered you.

If the caller isn’t understanding, then it’s not clear. Again, the purpose of communication is to force your assumptions on the listener. It’s to find a way to make the listener understand what you are communicating.

How about all the options offered in this thread?

Let’s go with one of them:

May I tell him what this call is in regard to?

If it turns out the person is his wife or it’s an otherwise personal issue, I don’t think they’ll feel compelled to unburden themselves upon you.

73

And I think that’s the rub. Even though offices have gotten much more casual, and American society has gotten much more casual (caustic? It’s so hard to tell sometimes… ), there are still conventions that most of the admins I know are expected to adhere to.

I will also add that perhaps some of the controversy in this thread may be rooted in the context of the call. I suspect those of us expecting more formality may be working with higher level execs or at companies that don’t sell a product directly to the public. I don’t think that when I was working at a restaurant in college and someone called for the General Manager, that I would’ve been as formal. (A range which is presented only for example purposes.)

74

…but it’s grammatically incorrect.

I think “Whom shall I say is calling?” would actually be better.

The point of my previous post (and I did have one) was that NOT every “gate keeper” wants more than the callers name. If someone calls the Red Cross about blood donation and asks for the nurse, and I say “Whom shall I say is calling?” the correct response is not “John, and I have a bunch of lumps on my penis that I’m using cortisone cream on and I want to know if I can still donate.” Do you get that I’m still traumatized by these calls, oh so many years later. :smiley:

75

Uh, no. If I say, “May I ask who is calling?”, and they answer “Yes, you may”, they are being a smartass. There’s really no other way to look at it. You’d have to be seriously mentally-challenged (or have an incomplete understanding of the English language) to believe that “yes” is the correct answer to that question. Let’s get real here.

Not an “issue”; just an observation. I already explained that it’s not a problem. I just find it interesting that so many people are unaware of social conventions like this, and seem to lack the common sense to realize that a name by itself, with no context, imparts no useful information.

False. If 90% understand, and 10% do not, I would generally fault the 10%.

Sorry, I don’t know what you’re trying to say.

Well for one thing, the sentence structure sounds tortured. For another, I don’t see the advantage. I might succeed in getting the small minority of first-time callers who are too dense to offer a little information to do so up front without further prompting, but at the same time, I would be forcing existing clients, who are the majority of callers, to unneccessarily recite the reason for their call. For most of our clients, it’s sufficient to have their name, because my boss assumes they have a good reason for calling. Like I said, how you identify yourself depends on the situation, so there is no all-purpose question that covers every situation.

No, not so much for the wife, but I think the existing clients would feel they had to volunteer details that we don’t really need.

There’s nothing wrong with your way; I just don’t see it as an improvement. Most people would recognize both questions as having the same purpose, and for the small minority who wouldn’t, you’d be creating as many problems as you solve. Besides which, in my experience, “May I ask who is calling?” is much more common. I think it sounds more professional.

But you can feel free to answer the phone any way you like at YOUR job.

76

Good point.

Yeesh! :eek: Yes, I get your point! But how did you know they were calling about blood donation? The proper reply in that situation would be, “John Smith - I’d like to donate blood.” That’s my whole point - One would expect most people to have the common-sense to be able to figure out how much information to impart, but then people tend to surprise us, don’t they?

77

Then you’re wrong. “Whom” is an object, of which “who” is the subjective form. Use the “he-who/him-whom” test. You would say “he is calling”, not “him is calling”, so you’d ask “Who (shall I say) is calling?” Or, if you prefer the objective case, “To whom am I speaking?”, since you’d say “I spoke to him”, not “I spoke to he.”

I think what The New Guy is trying to say is that “May I ask who is calling?” is one of those questions to which you’re expected to know that the socially correct answer is not the literal one. See “How are you?” or “Does this dress make me look fat?”

78

It also may be a difference between those of us who spend a lot of time on the phone for business and those who really don’t.

They could probably take my phone away from me at work (I’m happy they don’t, but they probably could). My job, for the most part, doesn’t require the phone. I don’t often make or receive sales calls. Most people I talk to are in the same company, within walking distance, and when not, I’m more likely to email them than phone them.

Most of my calls are personal, non business calls - so the answer to “Whom may I say is calling?” is “amarinth.” Not obstinancy, not trying to get around the system, just the answer to the question asked.

This would probably be different if my work was phone heavy - but it isn’t. Ask the question you want answered.

79

The correct answer to that question is to fake a heart attack. :smiley:

80

I think you missed a lot of the thread. We’re only talking about first-time callers. If it’s a friend or a known acquaintance, just the name works perfectly well. If you’re a total stranger, though, how does your name help?

I do.