Annoyances of the telephone.

The BBQ Pit
1

I hate the telephone. I always have. I guess, I hate the telephone becuas eit is a device where someone can always reach me. Also, when I was a child, my parents used to make me answer the phone like this…

“Andrews (Family name) residence, Corndog (not my real name) speaking.” I mean, what the fuck?

OK, my 3 bitches. When I call someone up and somebody else picks up the phone.

CORNDOG-Hello, is Fred there?

INTRUSIVE MF-May I say who’s calling?

I hate when somebody does the, “May I say who’s calling”, bit. I think it is intrusive and rude. No, it is none of your business who I am unless you are the one that I want to speak to. I have been a jerk before and said “No, thanks.” or “Someone who wants to talk to Fred.” but that is usually countered by that damned same question, “May I say who’s calling?” It does not help to hang up either, because if you call back, the Intrusive MF always answers the phone instead of the person you want to talk to.

SECOND-The answering service. Maybe I am calling a hardware store on Sunday…

Answering service (A.S.)-“Hello, ABC Hardware.”

Corndog-“Yes, I want to know the price of a dozen nails please?”

A.S.-“I am sorry, I don’t know, this is the answering service.”

Corndog-“Why don’t you know, you are at ABC Hardware, you answered the phone, Mr. ABC has hired you to be there.”

A.S.-“We’re the answering service, sir, call back tomorrow.”

So, the answering service cannot answer any questions even though they are there, have said the company name to me on the phone, and they tell me to call back tomorrow. What good is the answering service anyway? For a real voice to say “Call back tomorrow?”

Lastly, I am calling a company about whatever, (retail and parts stores are bad about this)

Phone jockey-Hello, Fart Boys Automotive and parts, may I help you?

Corndog-Yes, I would like the price of a muffler for a 1997 Honda Civic two door, standard transmission please,

Phone Jockey-Oh, please hold…

The end of this story is that I have to wait until I can connect with someone in the shop that can answer this question. I understand that the cashier of Fart boys does not know what a muffler is, but she could more quickly direct me to that department whereas, i would not have to repeat thyself.

Thats all

2

Dude, turn off your computer, disconnect your phone and back away from all technology. Also, while in self-imposed communication limbo, try to read a few Dear Abby or Miss Manners books cause your fucking manners stink like that of a small child.

Sam

3

I would say “Sure, go right ahead!”

4

Maybe Fred would appreciate knowing that it is corndog man who is calling, and not someone selling timeshares, a homicidal ex-girlfriend or the bill collector. That is generally the reason for asking “May I say who’s calling?”, so that unpleasant conversations can be avoided or postponed.

It is good form when making a phone call to identify yourself when the phone is answered.

5

The caller should always identify himself first. If the caller fails to identify himself, then it is proper to ask him to. If you call my number and you are not willing to identify yourself, I will terminate the conversation.

6

I would think that after a few episodes like this you would learn to give a brief rundown of what you need (“parts dept. please . . .”) until you’re connected with someone who can actually help. I foresee much annoyance on your part if you stay with your method.

7

It’s entirely possible that I hate the telephone more than you, which is why this bit of your rant is wrong:

What are you, some sort of Superhero in fear of giving away your secret identity?

You are assuming that whoever answered the telephone is so thrilled by getting your call that they will gladly hunt down your intended target for you, regardless of any inkling whether said target will have any interest in speaking with you. You are also assuming that Target will be happy to race to the phone for the joy of getting a call from anyone, no matter who.

Suppose target is actually in the middle of doing something? Most people are, most of the time. Target might be happy to be called away for a friend or a relative, but damned if they’re going to be interrupted for some glad handing telemarketeer. How is Target to know which category you fall into? If you haven’t automatically identified yourself, Answerer must ask for your name, and ‘May I tell him/her who is calling?’ is a textbook polite way of doing it.
How to avoid this problem: With any phone call you initiate, the first words out of your mouth once you get a hello you don’t absolutely recognize are:

“Hi, this is Corndog man, may I speak with Target?”

See how easy life is when you follow the rules of etiquette?

8

*"I hate when somebody does the, “May I say who’s calling”, bit. *

Well, I usually do this because I can give my husband the opportunity to decide NOT to talk to a rude motherfucker like you.

" So, the answering service cannot answer any questions even though they are there, have said the company name to me on the phone, and they tell me to call back tomorrow. What good is the answering service anyway? For a real voice to say “Call back tomorrow?”

The answering service is an off-site company which has employees who answer the phone for any number of businesses during off hours. They’re NOT at the store. The solution is to say “Thank you,” and call back tomorrow, you rude fuck.

"I understand that the cashier of Fart boys does not know what a muffler is…

No, she probably does know what a muffler is, but doesn’t have the price list of every part with every manufacturer at her fingertips, whereas the parts department probably does.

Lord, are you an idiot.

9

Cope. If they’re screening calls, it’s their choice - for all they know you’re some telemarketer. Plus if you’re calling a business of any kind, this will happen. Working in a doctor’s office at my last job, I got enough patients insisting that they wouldn’t tell me why they’re calling but that they had to leave a message for the doctor to call them back, only to get griped at by the doctor later because the patient wanted to make an appointment or get a prescription refill called in, which is what I did. Or enough sneaky/asshole salesmen who would try to claim to be a friend/scheduled appointment (“he’s expecting my call”)/etc. to try to get put through to the doctor when they’re busy.

What hardware store has an answering service? Do they have some repair shop associated with them, where they might have to get emergency calls at all hours, perhaps? I know doctor’s offices do this so that the doctor can be paged, but the answering service can’t do anything normal like schedule appointments.

10

“Hello, is this the Corndog residence? I’d like to speak to your 3 Bitches please. Why? Well I guess because they’re Cheap, Easy, and very Limited Intellectually. With Whom may you say is calling? Well, I guess thats a reasonable question as there are times for personal calls, times for business calls, and times when its an emergency. That and its kind of nice to know who the hell is calling when you’re handed a reciever. Well, you can tell your 3 Bitches that QM is on the phone and wants to bend them over and do them in order from oldest to youngest.”

“Wha-…? You’re just their answering service? You mean they’re not on call 24-7 to service the needs of every self-righteous prick who’s sober enough to read their number off the bathroom wall??? Well that’s just so inconvenient that I’ll have to complain about it somewhere. Who do those 3 Bitches think they are…Human Beings???”

“Yes, It’ll be some Half-and-Half with the first Bitch while the other two put on a show with each other…and then I want the usual with whipped cream and …Wha…!? Please Hold so that One of the Bitches Can Help Me??? You mean that in your God-like omniscience, the same omniscience that you expect of everyone else, you can’t take down exactly what I want and relay it directly to the entity that I want it from? Wha…!? You’re not comfortable collecting all the important details because your unfamiliar with all the pertinanent questions that you should ask of me? Questions that the person I want to speak to is well prepared to ask in order to provide them with the detail they need to correctly service me??? How dare you not know everything!!! What kind of a Whore House are you running over there anyways…?”

11

So, have we all agreed that corndog man is dead wrong on every count? That’s what I thought…

12

Well I guess I’m the Intrusive MF. When somebody calls and asks for Mr’s Bubba and I don’t see a caller ID or recognize the voice I usually askl,“May I ask who’s calling?”

If the answer is Yes, this is Joe from Yet-Another-Fucking-Lawn-Service Company or Something like that then I know that my time was truly wasted but Mrs. Bubba’s doesn’t have to be.

Also, you may be surprised to know this but most answering services aren’t on site of the locations that they cover. You see, the great big telephone company has the ability to roll over or autoforward calls from one location to the other and sells that as a service.

And this might be hard to take Corndog, but maybe they are asking who it is because Fred said, “If Corndog Man calls, tell that silly Fucker that I ain’t in.”

Bubba

13

It’s quite common over here (at least in people over 30) for the recipient of the call to start the conversation with the phone number, so that the caller knows if they’ve dialled a wrong number. I think the practice may be dying out a bit.

Quite agree that the caller should identify himself at the first opportunity, though…

14

Damn! I feel the heat! I forget that telephones are a sacred right between man and God.

I never say “Hello’” when answering a phone. I might do “Howdy”, “Your nickel, spill it” “Yippee Ko yo Kai ay!” “CIA office”, “Your line, my time”, “Mushi, Mushi”, or just anything else.

Another group of people I cannot stand are the people who dial the wrong phone number. But one can have fun with these people. For instance, somebody called for a Patsy once. I said without hestitation, “Sure, one moment please…”,

then I sang into the phone “I fall to pieces…” a Patsy Cline song and hung up.

A prank call is to call someone and ask for a fictious name. When they tell you it is the wrong number, argue with them. Tell them that this is the right number, and they are in the wrong house.

I worked in a retail auto parts store, where the wife of the assistant manager would call and ask in a monotone voice “Jim Wood (not real name) please.” This woman would call every, damned day. Not, “Is Jim there?”, “Is my husband Jim there?”, I would of even welcomed “Hey you fucking ashole, put Jim on the phone!” No, “Jim Wood, please…”

There was also this old black woman who kept calling our house to see if her son was home. I had caller ID so I would pick up the phone and call her Mrs. Anderson. This would freak her out, I guess she has never heard of caller ID and thought I was God.

What do you call adog with only two front legs and steel balls?..

Sparky.

Why is it, when it comes to the telephone, that we all turn into raving privacy advocates? Why are we so anal retentive? I loved telemarketers calling me. Why? Because I could mess with them legally, a prank call in reverse. Personally, if I was living alone in the USA (I live outside the USA), I would have a cell phone, cable modem for PC and no landline. Then I would have the cell phone off. Nobody to bother the corndog man!

15

It has nothing to do with the sacred right of telephones. It has everything to do with common sense and courtesy. Just because you have lowered yourself as to use such a common appliance as a telephone does not automatically excuse yourself from behaving as a civilized person.

Given your self-description of phone behaviour, frankly, I’m not surprised your acquaintances screen their phone calls. I’m also in the camp of “if corndog calls, tell him I’m in the shower”.

But of course, it’s probably more comforting to believe that we are mindless slaves to the phone rather than entertain the theory that you may, in fact, simply be a rude bastard that few would enjoy having a conversation with.

16

Playing Corndog’s Advocate, I’m thinking that part of the sense of rudeness stems from the idea that there could be the implied:

“Who’s calling?”
“It’s Dog.”
“Nah, Dog’s just not interesting enough, I don’t wanna talk to him.”

I read a newspaper article about Call Waiting that made that comparssion. Saying that it could be like telling someone “sorry, I think the other person is far more interesting than you.”

I don’t necessarily agree with that interpretation, but from what I understand, some people get miffed by it.

I, on the other hand, prefer to know whose calling because I find so many telemarketers and stuff to be so instrusive.

But this doesn’t make sense to me. If they can’t provide me with any service, then why forward calls to an answering service at all? If I call a hardware store and there’s no answer because it’s closed, well then okay, clearly no one is there to help me. I’ll call back tomorrow. Why employ someone to answer the phone if they can’t do anything more than an answering machine or an unanswered ring?

If a human being actually answers, I expect them to be able to provide a little more help than voice mail. Not just say “I’m here to answer the phone, but I can’t actually do anything.” They should at least be able to look on a computer to see what’s in stock or an order’s status etc. Otherwise, there’s really no point.

(National call centres in different time zones notwithstanding.)

17

Around these parts, answering services are usually used where an emergency could be a part of the equation; i.e., plumbers, doctors, etc. The service has the ability to page someone from the company if necessary.

18

Hmm, the hardware store in the little town where my brother lives has an answering service because the builders and remodlers can call in their next-day pick up orders at night, after they shut down their sites, which is usually dark-thirty, not at 5:30 when the hardware store closes.

That way, Bubba at the hardware store, who goes in at 6 AM, has the orders ready for the builders to pick up early, thereby maximizing their efficiency and saving (gasp) time AND money for the clients. The only one that’s out anything is Bubba, because he’s paid the service to pick up calls instead of rolling the phone to his house and disturbing his much-needed time to ignore telemarketers.

And call me a weirdo (no, don’t please) but I was under the impression that “please” was a polite word, and that stating the name of the person with which you wished to speak was the expedient way of acheiving the goal of actually speaking TO that person.

I musta missed the day in smartass school where they said bad phone manners were acceptable, instead of just rude.

19

You are an idiot. What are, you 12 years old? Grow up, fuckpretzel

20

Yes, that’s what I mean by a good answering service that does something, i.e. take next-day pick up orders. They are providing a service after hours. Great!

I was referring to the ones that don’t do anything other than say “Hello, Moe’s hardware! No, sorry we can’t do fuck-all but answer the phone.” I have actually encountered these and they amaze me.

RrRrRriiing!

Answering Service Stooge: “Good evening, Moe’s hardware.”
Me: “Hi, I’d like to check to see if my order has arrived.”
ASS: “I’m sorry, but the store is closed for the day.”
Me: “Um, okay… Can you see if my order is in on the computer?”
ASS: “I’m sorry, but we’re just an answering service.”
Me: “Okay, can you leave a message for Mr. Moe to call me in the morning?”
ASS: “I’m sorry, but we’re an offsite service. We don’t see Mr. Moe.”

awkward silence

ASS (helpfully): “The store opens at 6 a.m. If you’d like to call back.”

These I have actually encountered. I think they are weird.

Now there are after-hour answering services for emergencies. My mom worked for a clinic that used one – they had the annoying habit of diverting calls too soon, so I’d call my mom at work, get the answering service and then have to fight with them and insist that “Wednesdays the office is open until 9 pm. My mother is there right now and can anwser the phone! You’re not supposed to be the one’s picking up.” After hour emergency call centers for plumbers, vetenarians, the gas company etc. – all of that is fine.

The weird ones are the humans who just function as answering machines.