ingredients
one (1) avocado
fifty (50) square meters of velvet cloth (any color you choose)
Mt McKinley
one (1) wooden spoon
one (1) salt lick
Hong Kong Phooey
three dozen (36) broomsticks
one (1) bottle of milk
one (1) ripe juicy tomato
you must:
light a fire
Puns, leaps of logic, and specious conclusions are encouraged. You do not have to use every ingredient but it is recommended. I have not thought of an answer; just be creative. 
Ok…In the shadow of Mt. McKinley, I lay out a volleyball court using the velvet. I use the broomsticks to hold up the net I make by unraveling some of the velvet backing, and reweaving it into a net. Hong Kong Phooey and I then have a game of volleyball, with periodic breaks for milk and guacamole. We use the tomato as the volleyball. When one of the rangers at Denali National Park comes by to see what we are doing, I ask him for a match. This is then used to light a fire. Hong Kong Phooey will then be available to post my bail for lighting an open fire outside of a posted area!
I stack all items (except for Hong Kong Phooey) into a pile.
I turn to him and say “Hong Kong Phooey, I must walk twenty yards away. I will be back in under one minute. I need you to make absolutely certain that this pile does not catch fire”.
Walk away, come right back to find that the doofus has even managed to get the milk to burn.
Go to Mount McKinley National Park. Use the avocado and tomato to create a batch of tasty guacamole. Invite Phooey to a chip and dip party. When he arrives, hit him with a broomstick and immobilize him by wrapping him in 48 square yards of velvet cloth. If necessary, use 33 other sticks to subdue him first. Feed the salt lick to Hong Kong Phooey. When he begs for liquid refreshment, give him the bottle of milk. He’ll drink the milk as fast as possible, and due to gastric concerns regarding chugging milk he’ll upchuck all over the place. Affix the other two yards of cloth to two more sticks, and use them to communicate in semaphore with the nearest ranger way station, telling them that there is a violently virulent disease in the forest and you have found the source. The ranger will call in a sweeper team to contain the “outbreak,” and they will set the area ablaze to prevent it from spreading. Savor the mission completion by using the wooden spoon to eat the guacamole.
Priceless.
Take the wooden spoon and bang it on the milk bottle loudly. Make a racquet. In fact, make two racquets. Plant two broomsticks in the ground and string the velvet cloth in between them, forming a sort of net. Challenge Hong Kong Phooey to a tennis match. Win the match, and then use the match to light the rest of the broomsticks on fire.
Wow, you guys are quick.
ingredients:
two (2) large dogs
one (1) copy machine
one (1) box of large paper clips
one (1) large lightning storm
the Mummy
one (1) beach blanket
any famous painting
one (1) 40-car diesel locomotive
one gross (144) eraseable ball-point pens
you must:
cross the English channel
For this exercise, my famous painting is the full-sized Guernica.
Temporarily kill the Mummy by harnessing the power of the lightning storm to electrocute it with a lightning rod made from half of the paper clips. Tie one end of the towel around the Mummy’s ankle. Dig a shallow grave with the pens and bury the Mummy, throwing a number of pens in the hole with it. The other end of the towel must be aboveground when the Mummy is buried.
Fold Guernica in half to make a square, paint side out. Fashion a canoe from this square by folding Guernica using origami techniques. (Cut some off beforehand and make the helmet too, because that looks fun.) Waterproof this canoe with axle grease from the locomotive. Create a chain out of the other half of the paperclips, salvaging any useful ones from the former lightning rod to make the chain as long as possible. Affix one end of this chain to the canoe.
Open the paper feed of the copier. Place the end of the towel inside, and tell the machine to make a copy. The copier will draw the towel into its inner workings and jam, firmly binding the towel inside.
Place the locomotive on one of the train tracks of the Chunnel.
Direct the dogs to dig up the pens buried with the Mummy. After doing so, make sure the dogs have the pens with them, and place them on the train. Send the train through the Chunnel.
The Mummy will awaken, angry that its burial treasure (the pen) has been plundered and out for revenge. Affix the other end of the clip-chain to the Mummy as it staggers towards the sea. Carry the canoe and follow the Mummy to the shore. Move ahead of the Mummy and place the canoe in the water, then get in. The Mummy will enter the water, dragging the copier along with it by the towel. The undead monster will plod along the Channel bottom, weighed down by the copier and towing you along on the surface by the paperclip chain. Eventually you will reach the other side.
Success!
Go to the building superintendent and say “I will make you a present of this famous painting if you will tell me the hight of this build… uh, I mean let me drive this 40-car diesel locomotive through the Channel Tunnel”
Good god…that was probably one of the FUNNIEST things I have ever read. Thanks for the laugh…but I am wiping coffee off my keyboard and monitor as we speak. NOT so many thanks for the major snarfage. 
The visual KILLS me.